Still Waters
by Elin Eriksen
Summary: What started out as a what if Jane had died at Netherfield plot ended up as a lust is not love and you can love someone who doesn't deserve it plot. Warning: major character death and Mr Darcy does the unthinkable. D&E HEA Disclaimer: I am not Jane Austen, an author nor English.
1. Chapter 1

**Note: **This is not a new story but an edited version of Still Waters. The only changes I have done is correcting grammatical errors. Still not flawless but hopefully a little better than my first attempt...  
**Inspiration**

Siri Nilsen, Norwegian singer/songwriter.

**Still Water **(Stille Vann)

I had to get here before I realized that it was wrong to leave land  
I should have let him sail alone, trapped on a windless sea  
For what makes a grown man lose his sanity  
Is not the storm, but still waters

It is not you who tames the waves, but they who own you  
You must turn around if you are sinking, find another way  
For what makes a grown man lose his sanity  
Is not the storm, but still waters

Take your stories and tell them to someone  
who believes what you are saying  
And take your shoes that you let others dance in and walk the long way home, if there is still time  
For what makes a grown man lose his sanity  
Is not the storm, but still waters

For I can cover things up and I  
Can patch things up and I  
Can pick up the pieces of everything that is broken  
But nobody can save a grown man  
Who wants to disappear in still waters

**Prologue In the end- (**Linkin Park**)**

It was pre-dawn and Darcy, unable to sleep was staring blankly into the morning mist, waiting for the sun to rise above the horizon.

He was worried about his distraught friend. Jane's illness was taking its toll on Mr Bingley who was obviously infatuated, if not in love.

The acquaintance had been of short duration though and Darcy hoped if the worst came to pass that his grief would not be too profound.

Jane's sister was another matter entirely. Her pale countenance and the dark circles under her eyes were increasing by the day. He was beginning to fear she might collapse from exhaustion and lack of sleep.

A commotion in the hallway alerted him. Leaving his room in his lawn-shirt and breeches, he saw a couple of young night maids bustling in and out of Jane's room. 'Probably tenants' daughters, earning a little extra for their family, Darcy assessed them to be twelve if a day.'

Darcy decided to approach them to see what had caused the unusual activity, this early in the morning. Halting at the threshold, one look at Jane told him she had passed.

Unseeing eyes stared blankly at the ceiling, She had developed a bluish hue to her face and hands while her mouth was gaping. It must have been a while since the young maiden had taken her last breath.

He could not see Elizabeth but he could hear sobbing coming from somewhere inside the room. A gasp from the maid reminded him of her presence.

"How long since she passed?"

"I do not know sir. Miss Elizabeth was taking care of her during the nights, she would know, sir"

Darcy followed the sobbing sound from the other side of the bed and found Elizabeth laying in a heap on the floor. Sobs wracking her body.

"Has Mrs Nicholson been alerted to the night's events?" Darcy addressed the maid that was still present.

"Yes, Martha has left to wake her up. Should I stoke the fires, sir?"

The other maid must have exited through the servant's entrance as he had not seen her leave through the door.

"Yes."

Darcy turned to Elizabeth and knelt by her side.

"Miss Elizabeth, may I be of some assistance to you?" He got no answer nor any other reaction that would have proved that she had heard him.

Darcy thought back to his sister reaction when his father had passed. Prostrate with grief that paralysed her body as well as her mind. It had been days before she had gathered her wits but Elizabeth was no ten-year-old girl. She was a grown lady, with no connection to him...

Darcy gently touched her shoulder.

"Miss Elizabeth. Mrs Nicholson will be here soon, perhaps you would like to retreat to your room?"

Still, there were no visible signs of her having heard him or even noticed his presence.

Mrs Nicholson would be there soon, quite possibly with footmen to lift the body while the sheets were changed and the mess, that was brought on as a consequence of death, was cleaned up. These two young maids he had seen did not have the strength.

He pondered what to do, what Elizabeth would want him to do. Would she prefer to have her grief witnessed or was she a private person like himself? Choosing to hide her sorrow?

Would she tolerate the sight of her dead sister being jostled about and watch the bodily fluids, that left the body when someone passed?

Darcy heard footsteps approaching, there were several footmen judging by the sound of it, mingled with the lighter steps of Mrs Nicholson and the maid.

Darcy made an impulsive decision, driven by instincts more than any intellectual reasoning. Had he had a good night's sleep, he might have acted differently. The decision had been made, a decision he would live to regret or rejoice, time would tell.

Deftly he picked her up. She was clinging to him like he was the only calm on a stormy sea. The eye of a hurricane that lured you into believing that the storm had passed but in reality, you were in the middle of it.

"Which room is Miss Elizabeth's?" Darcy was painfully aware of which room was Elizabeth's but the stunned maid did not need to know that.

"Across the hall, sir." The maid pointed at Elizabeth's door and curtsied as Darcy left the room with the bundle in his arms. A shocked expression grazing her countenance.

Darcy carried Elisabeth to her room, settling them on a small settee by the warm fire, it seemed the maids had been there first and stoked the embers.

Darcy gently rubbed his hands up and down her back, making soothing noises.

His shirt was soaked through in minutes by her copious tears.

"Jane is dead," she finally said, her voice cracking.

"I know."

She struggled to get away from him but he tightened his grip.

"Calm down or I will drop you to the floor."

"How can you be so calm?" Her eyes were shooting daggers at him. Darcy met her glare with an intense gaze.

"I am not, you, however, are in shock. I just have more practice with grief and keeping it under good regulation. You will learn in time."

She relaxed and wilted back into his embrace, snaking one arm around his waist while the other still clutched his neck.

Darcy was acutely aware of the impropriety of their position but could not think of a way to end it without distressing Elizabeth. He could not bear to leave her and could not stay.

In the end, he did nothing.

Eventually, Elizabeth fell asleep, intertwined around his person and he drifted off as well. His sleepless night, finally catching up with him. How long he slept he had no idea but the awakening was abrupt.

A shrill voice screamed, jolting him awake. His sleep-addled mind, cleared in an instant and he was on his feet before another thought had passed through his mind.

Elizabeth fell to the floor but rose quickly, blinking ferociously while trying to brush out her wrinkled skirt.

Darcy felt somewhat bereft, his arms tingled from the sudden emptiness and the blood came rushing back to his thighs.

"Elizabeth Vivienne Bennet! How could you do such a thing to your poor mama?"

A rider had been sent to Longbourn in the wee hours of the morning with the devastating news. The remaining family members had entered their carriage as soon as it was ready and set off towards Netherfield.

There was, however, nothing in Mrs Bennet current behaviour that showed her knowledge of the event and Darcy decided to inform her.

"I beg your pardon, madam, but I believe Jane passed sometime during the night. I am deeply sorry for your loss," meeting Mrs Bennet's calculating look with a stern one of his own.

"That does not change the fact that you must marry him, Lizzy. No matter how disagreeable he may be, you simply must marry. Oh, where are my smelling salts when I need them Liddi? Will you fetch them for me please, I am sure I am going to faint."

Darcy looked incredulous at the ridiculous woman before him. Grief did some strange things to people, depriving them of their rationality. He still chose to try to reason with her.

"Madam, I am sure under these circumstances we should deal with one situation at the time." He almost made it through his sentence before being rudely interrupted.

"Nonsense, when you have five unmarried daughters, you may tell me what is supposed to be at the top of my list. Until then I prioritize as I see fit."

With clenched jaws and gritted teeth, he answered.

"Believe me, madam. If I should be blessed with ten unmarried daughters... I would mourn the loss of one before I tried to scandalise another."

"You have not heard the last of this Mr Darcy."

Mrs Bennet huffed and charged out of the room with swishing skirts. Calling loudly for Mr Bennet who was currently occupied with comforting Mary and Kitty, by their sister's deathbed.

Elizabeth breath came out in convulsed gasps, Darcy misinterpreted her distress and clutched her to his chest, kissing the top of her head mindlessly. Comforting her as he would comfort his sister. She shifted restlessly in his embrace and pulled free from his arms.

"I am so sorry you had to witness that. Thank you for trying to reason with my mother without being rude. I know from experience it is not easily done."

"She is grief-stricken, most likely she will not even remember what she said."

A sad smile graced Elizabeth's lips. "On that account, I think you are mistaken, sir. I will speak to papa and make sure that a moment of compassion for a fellow human being is not turned into a lifetime of regret.

I am eternally grateful to you for lending me your strength and comfort when I was desperately in need. Thank you."

Darcy nodded but did not speak.

"I think I must get dressed and find something to eat. It is going to be a rough day."

Darcy bowed and walked calmly back to his suite . The tears glistening on her lashes had not escaped him but he had been very politely dismissed.

In the dining room, the conversation was naturally stilted. The gravity, or even realisation, of the night's event, had yet to sink in.

An uncharacteristically silent Mrs Bennet was chewing a morsel of food yet no one was more out of character than Mr Bingley. Deflated and dejected he sat staring blindly at his plate.

Mr Darcy stood with his back turned, gazing out the window while the rest of the Bennets picked at their bread and cheese, not able to get much down. He was contemplating the consequences he was sure would come but Elizabeth seemed oblivious to.

After breaking their fast, Mr Bennet inquired if he might have the use of the library for some privacy. Mr Bingley gave a barely noticeable nod in acceptance.

Elizabeth startled when her father touched her arm, beckoning her to follow him from the dining room. They walked to the study and settled into comfortable chairs in front of the hearth, between mostly empty shelves, the silence ruled for a long time.

"I would like for you to tell me what happened Lizzy." Mr Bennet was resting his head on folded hands, supported by his elbows on his knees, watching the flames licking up a log in the hearth. Elizabeth took a deep breath and blinked her tears away.

"She passed while I slept. I thought I would just rest my eyes a little but I must have fallen asleep when I woke, she was gone." Elizabeth buried her face in her hands, willing back the sobs that threatened to erupt.

"I did not even hold her when she went," Elizabeth's voice was muffled by the tight grip of her hands on her countenance.

Mr Bennet patted Elizabeth's head. "Perhaps she could not let go while you were awake." The thought soothed Elizabeth's fragile mind a little.

"However, it does not explain how you ended up in Mr Darcy's lap." Elizabeth's head snapped up, looking wide-eyed at her father.

"It was not like that papa. I... " Elizabeth searched her mind for the earlier events but it had huge black holes. "Mr Darcy helped me to my room and comforted me, he was... solicitous."

"What kind of comfort are we speaking of here, Elizabeth?"

Elizabeth did notice he had stopped calling her Lizzy.

"He held me and I think he stroked my back, what are the purpose of this questions papa. What are you implying?"

"How long were you two alone in your bedroom, behind a closed door?"

"I do not know. I fell asleep, I suppose he did too."

"Were there any witnesses to him entering your bedroom?"

"I honestly don't know papa... What does it matter, there must have plenty who witnessed him leave the way mama was screeching."

"We could give the impression that he had entered with us but that is not an option if he was seen entering with you, hours before. I think it is time to let Mr Darcy into the conversation, he might be more forthcoming. Wait here Elizabeth, I will fetch him."

Darcy was keeping himself available in the drawing-room. He was under no misconception that sooner rather than later, he would be called into the library.

It was, however a bit quicker than he had anticipated that Mr Bennet entered and asked him to accompany him, though not entirely unwelcome. Caroline had finally emerged from her bedroom and had grief-stricken, told more falsehoods than he had ever heard, clinging relentlessly to his arm in the process.

He was on the verge of bodily extracting her from his person when Mr Bennet arrived.

The serious look on Mr Bennet's countenance cautioned him not to expect any leniency from that direction.

"Mr Darcy, would you accompany me to the library? I have some questions for you."

"What could you possibly want from Mr Darcy? I may be of better assistance, being the mistress of the house."

"Thank you, Miss Bingley, but in this instance, only Mr Darcy would do."

"Mr Bennet, after you."

Darcy and Mr Bennet left the bewildered Caroline in the drawing-room and entered the library where Elizabeth did not even turn around when they entered. She stood by the far end window, hugging herself tightly.

"Please sit down Mr Darcy, this may take a while." Mr Bennet offered Darcy the chair Elizabeth recently occupied. It still held the warmth from her body.

"Since my daughter seems to have a very selective memory I am counting on you, Mr Darcy, to be more _reliable_." Mr Bennet accented heavily on reliable, accompanied with a penetrating stare. Darcy knew exactly what he meant.

"I will ask you the same questions my daughter received . How did my daughter end up in your lap, supposedly sleeping?"

"I was in my chamber when I heard a commotion in the hallway.

I went to investigate and immediately perceived the devastating occurrence. Elizabeth seemed in no condition to..." At that, he trailed off. Unsure of how to explain. Getting a grip on himself he continued.

"She had collapsed to the floor and I assisted her to her room."

"How sir?"

"I carried her."

Mr Bennet and Mr Darcy were staring each other down. Each intent on not showing any kind of weakness. Mr Bennet broke the silence first.

"Were there any witnesses to your improper behaviour?"

"Yes. There was a chambermaid attending the deceased."

"Why could they not assist my daughter?" Mr Bennet was growing angrier by the minute.

"She was very young sir, an untrained night maid, She seemed unsure of what to do, sir. Your daughter was in no state to walk by herself. I tried to speak to her but she did not react. I touched her shoulder but she did not answer me. Mrs Nicholson and some footmen were approaching and I thought that if it were my sister, I would not want her to witness what was to come."

"You thought it was your decision to make?

"I am not unfamiliar with great losses Mr Bennet..." Mr Darcy's lips were set in a firm line and his jaw muscles were clenched, fighting for composure.

"No. I suppose you are not..." Mr Bennet seemed suddenly deflated and tired.

"I hope you are prepared to do the honourable..." Mr Darcy cut him off, he was not in a mood to let a country squire question his honour.

"I am."

"Well then, I suppose you have some letters to write. It would be prudent to get the announcement in the paper as soon as may be."

"What announcement?" The gentlemen had completely forgotten Elizabeth's presence in the room.

"Your engagement of course. We will have to prevaricate on the date of your betrothal and you must wait at least the three months of mourning to marry. I suppose it would not be too scandalous to wed in half-mourning if the engagement has been of some duration..."

Elizabeth was staring blindly into the garden, still hugging herself. Her hands caressing up and down her arms as trying to comfort herself. Darcy watched her intently.

He had never seen her thus. The spark had left her eyes and her countenance was serious, the jaw muscles working steadily probably on the insides of her cheeks .

She did not comment and the room grew quiet. A footman announced that Mr Johnson had finished his examination of Jane and she was ready to get tended. Elizabeth jolted from her reveries and volunteered to do the daunting task.

Darcy followed her, two steps behind, up to the first floor. He stopped on the threshold and asked Elizabeth if she needed any help or if he could fetch something for her.

Elizabeth declined and he stepped out of the door but stilled just out of sight, with the door slightly ajar. Leaning heavily on the wall he could not bear to leave her there alone but opted to wait in case she needed something or crumbled to the floor as she had done the previous night.

Jane was in her nightclothes, there were coins on her eyelids, probably put there by the maids.

She looked like she was sleeping if it had not been for the lips being slightly unnaturally parted, Elizabeth pushed gently at her chin to close them. Surprised by the coldness and the rigidness of Jane's body, Elizabeth recoiled backwards grasping her mouth with both hands to stifle a cry from escaping her mouth.

Releasing her hands' tight grip on her mouth, she breathing deeply , gathered her wits and forged on...

Elizabeth diligently and reverently removed Jane's nightgown, carefully washing her with a cloth before redressing her in her favourite , pale blue evening gown that her mother optimistically had added to her valise.

Elizabeth gasped the dark patches that were forming on her sister's back.

A heart-shaped silver locket adorned her neck, it had been a gift from her father on her eighteenth birthday and was Jane's most priced possession.

Assessing what more could be done, Elizabeth decided to arrange Jane s hair. Having done the front, Elizabeth realised she needed help to do the back.

"Mr Darcy?"

Elizabeth's soft voice startled Darcy, who thought she did not know he was there.

"Yes," he replied as he emerged on the threshold.

"I know it is a lot to ask..." She looked at him pleadingly. "Would you be so kind as to help me lift her so I can do the hair in the back? It might be a little awkward to touch..." Elizabeth visibly trembled and looked so fragile that Darcy's heart ached for her.

"I am no stranger to death miss Bennet," Darcy's words were softly spoken as to a colt about to flee.

"Thank you."

They worked deftly standing on opposite sides of the bed. No words were spoken or needed. Darcy held Jane while Elizabeth pinned her hair. Neither heard the newcomers entry until she spoke.

"It is my fault. I should never have let her ride... It did not look like it was going to rain so soon. I thought it would come later so she would have to spend the night and see Mr Bingley..."

Elizabeth finished her task without acknowledging her mother's presence. Darcy laid Jane's head back on her pillow as Elizabeth spoke.

"It would have happened naturally mother." Elizabeth's face was expressionless.

"Only a fool, could fail to see their connection."


	2. Chapter 2

**1 Don't Lose Yourself (**Thomas Dybdahl**)**

**Elizabeth**

Her bedroom was buzzing with activity. Her mother, sisters, maids and Mrs Hill were engaged in a tug of war on what would make Elizabeth the most beautiful bride that ever was.

Elizabeth herself, could not care less. She was about to marry a man she hardly knew, who had disappeared for five months as soon as the settlement papers had been signed.

One, single-paged letter was the only communication received from the north during their entire engagement period.

Demanding a delay of their nuptials by a month, due to an unusually severe winter. Elizabeth did not have any objections. Postponing could only bring relief and more time to mourn her sister.

To Elizabeth's astonishment, she had started to anticipate the day of her departure. Longbourn was no longer the sanctuary from her childhood.

It had turned cold and uninviting. Lacking the serenity of Jane, it had begun grating on her.

Mr Bennet locked himself in his library, Mrs Bennet lay in her bed nursing her regrets, Lydia and Kitty lamented constantly on the lack of social engagements and lastly, Mary hammered morose melodies on the pianoforte.

Her ruminations upon marriage were a concoction of her own thoughts, the rumour mill and observations that made her conclude that she would probably spend little time in her husband's presence.

Loneliness was not something she feared at all, it was something she craved after spending her childhood in the overcrowded house of Longbourn. Never a quiet moment to be had nor any privacy as her sisters were frequently caught rummaging through her belongings for something to pilfer. Society would have its demands, whether she lived at Longbourn or Pemberley, filling her need for socialising.

Besides, aunt Gardiner often praised the beauty of the wild and untamed Derbyshire's nature. It would serve her current temperament perfectly, to run across picturesque hills and dales.

Elizabeth was not made for ill-humour, not even in grief.

**Darcy**

It was his wedding day.

Disturbing as the thought were, it was no longer possible to delay the inevitable.

Bingley had long since quitted Netherfield and the Inn in Meryton was his only option to stay overnight. He arrived the night before the wedding as his estate had kept him occupied.

**Longbourn chapel**

A calm and collected Elizabeth ascended the aisle of the Longbourn chapel, holding lightly on to the arm of her father. Stepping gracefully towards the stoic man in front, through a nearly empty church.

It was a small affair as they were still in half-mourning, it would have been odd to have an elaborate celebration so soon after Jane's passing.

Neither was her mother well enough to carry the burden of entertaining a large crowd.

The wedding proceeded with Elizabeth stating her vows in a clear voice, Mr Darcy said his through gritted teeth.

"What God has put together, let no man torn asunder."

The priest should have said woman but how was he to know...

The old vicar of Longbourn's powerful voice reverberated between the walls of the small chapel. The deed was done, signing Bennet for the last time, Elizabeth looked up at her husband. Still not able to discern his thoughts or even his mood. He was as much of a mystery as ever. Grave, he had always been. Perhaps it was the gravity of the moment but she pondered why he seemed unable to even look at her.

His serious mien lasted through the simple wedding breakfast, not surprising in the light of the circumstances but the clenched jaws spoke of anger which Elizabeth could not explain. 'Were he displeased with the simple fare, Longbourn could provide? He had not indicated any preferences in their brief correspondence which had made Elizabeth rely on her own.'

She continued to study her husband clandestinely.

He answered questions monosyllabically in a clipped tone. Never looked in her direction, once. His bearing was tense and uninviting.

It suddenly dawned on Elizabeth that he had no one of his own present, neither friends nor family of the groom were in attendance. Were they so opposed to the wedding that they choose not to attend or was it worse? Darcy had chosen not to invited anyone.

Deciding, either way, to put an end to his torment, Elizabeth approach her husband.

"It is time for us to leave, I think." Darcy flinched lightly at her request but acquiesced.

"Yes, I will call the carriage."

Waving goodbye to her old acquaintances were easier than Elizabeth had feared, riding alone in a carriage with her husband, was not. Fidgeting with her skirt, she stole glances at her husband. Darcy was staring out the carriage window, at the passing scenery. Obviously without any intention, or perhaps inclination, to speak with his wife.

Elizabeth tried to busy herself with the same view but it could not hold her attention. Mayhap he thought it would be up to her to provide conversation but Elizabeth could not for the life of her, think of anything to say. Only when they had passed Meryton and turned north instead of the expected southwards to London, did she find something to say.

"Are we not going to London?"

"No, I am needed at Pemberley. I thought I had mentioned it."

Darcy looked slightly surprised at being questioned.

'When in our non-existent conversation would you have mentioned it', Elizabeth thought wryly but did not voice it out loud. Pemberley however, opted for a lot of food for thought. It also made her relax enough to let the carriage rock her to sleep and the sun was setting when it pulled into a stop, jolting her awake.

"We have arrived at the Inn, we will stay the night here and leave at dawn tomorrow."

Letting a footman help Elizabeth alight from the carriage, Darcy strode to the Inn, heading toward the manager.

Stiff from the hours in the carriage, Elizabeth strolled a little around the yard before she entered the Inn. Darcy was nowhere to be seen but the manager's wife introduced herself and led Elizabeth to her room.

"Supper will be served in half an hour, may I send a maid to attend you?"

Elizabeth wanted only for a pincher of hot water which had already been provided. The absence of Mr Darcy, however, puzzled her exceedingly.

He did come to escort her to dinner where the silence and awkwardness made her long for the cacophony of earlier days at Longbourn.

Jane's warm eyes suddenly appeared in her mind and a jolt of longing for a time gone by, made her eyes water. Darcy must have perceived her onslaught of sadness and touched her hand to bring her into the present.

Elizabeth rewarded him with a slight smile of gratitude. Breaking the tension, although the silence still reigned.

Her hunger quelled sufficiently, Elizabeth rose, curtseyed and ventured to her room. Turning on the threshold to tell her husband she would be ready in half an hour, after a slight nod of acquiescence, she left.

Aunt Gardiner had gifted her a lovely silk assemble for her wedding night that a maid from the Inn was helping her into. It clung to her body and Elizabeth was relieved it came with a robe with more cover than the flimsy shift underneath.

The half-hour went by in the blink of an eye and an attack of nerves that rivalled her mother's, sent Elizabeth pacing across the room.

Another half-hour passed before Mr Darcy entered her room, still dressed in his evening attire. One stride into the room, he stopped dead in his track, looming awkwardly by the door.

Elizabeth wondered briefly if he was about to flee when he seemingly found his courage and closed the door behind him. Coming to a new halt in the middle of the room.

Studying him closely, Elizabeth noticed the flickering eyes and the clenching and unclenching of his hands. 'Mr Darcy was nervous.' The thought made a chuckle escape her throat and it was not received with pleasure from her opponent.

Frowning, Darcy blurted out.

"No need to laugh, you are hardly more experienced than me".

"No, I would guess I am less experienced Mr Darcy." Rising her chin in defiance, daring him to gainsay her. Darcy deflated, sat down on a chair and resting his head in his hands.

Unable to resist the temptation of taunting her newly acquired husband, Elisabeth could not stop herself from asking.

"I know you are pedantic but I would have thought you had opted for a more comfortable sleeping attire." Elizabeth arched an eyebrow while she fought the urge to let it be accompanied by a smirk.

Darcy removed his house-shoes, placing them neatly under the chair. Tugged of his socks who were rolled up just as fastidiously and placed behind on the chair before he rose and started to pull off his coat. Elizabeth wondered at him attempting to remove the tightly fitted garment without his valet when he got stuck with the coat halfway down his arm.

"Might I offer you some assistance?"

Elizabeth graciously offered. A curt nod was all the encouragement she got. When the obstinate garment was off, she reached for his cravat to help him loosen it but Darcy took a decided step back. Not wanting to impose herself with unnecessary aid, Elisabeth turned and walked to the window. Gazing out on the pink sky of the descending sun, she wrinkled her brows at his reluctance. Darcy did not seem to want to talk to her beyond the merest necessity which was hardly surprising with what she knew of him. He did not seek her company nor her touch, it would seem.

Elizabeth could easily picture a long and cold marriage. The phrase, until to death do us apart, crept uninvited into her mind. With a sigh, she realised that it would be up to her to change that outcome. Darcy had not shown the ability, or perhaps not the inclination, to venture beyond the barest of civilities.

Having her work cut out for her, changing tolerable to tempting was probably not the work of a day. Challenges were not something she backed away from though.

From the corner of her eye, she espied her husband slipping under the covers of the bed. The thought of her exasperating mother, intimidating her with tales of un-clothedness almost made her chuckle. Mr Darcy had kept his shirt and breeches on.

Relief flooded through her, not intimidated by many things, the thought of removing all her clothes was one of a very few things that did.

Not as generously endowed as her more luscious sisters, she had always felt a little inadequate in certain areas. A fact her mother had thought it prudent to remind Elizabeth of, on a regular basis.

Elizabeth removed her robe before she stealthily slipped under the cover. Laying stiffly beside her was her husband, it was awkward at best.

Elizabeth stifled a gasp when a hand grazed her side. Rather ticklish, she had to fight the urge to laugh.

Fairly certain she knew the direction the hand was going, she wondered at the possibility of him accomplishing it, from their current position as he was using the hand closest to her. Perhaps he did not know where they were situated?

Trying to rein in her thoughts before she laughed out loud as pondering on a solution would be the wiser route.

If she shifted to lay on her side, Darcy might follow her lead, reach his designated area and stop tickling her side. She turned and Darcy followed as she predicted.

Elizabeth soon realised that this position might not be an advancement towards the end goal though. Not that she was particularly looking forward to it but procrastinating, unavoidable unpleasantness, was not in her nature.

Elizabeth always wanted to get anything she dreaded over with, as soon as possible. Having learned early on that usually the dread, was often the worst part.

Her mother had had the 'talk' with her on marital relations. Knowing her mother, it had been surprisingly educational.

Mrs Bennet had been blunt, to the point and had marched her through the event with military precision. Leaving as little as possible to be misunderstood.

Elizabeth would be eternally grateful to her mother for not leaving her with wage allusions as it certainly felt like her husband had not been similarly educated.

Darcy kissed her breast through the fabric of her gauzy shift, gauzy enough she thought that he really should not have missed the point where she most wanted him to touch.

It dawned on her then, that her husband was even more clueless than she was herself. Some feelings of sympathy were mustered and she gently touched his cheeks and guided his lips. Not finding the experience entirely unpleasant, she let out a small sigh of contentment which Darcy clearly took as encouragement and crushed his lips to her mouth. Feeling her lips smothered to her teeth, she pushed him gently away and recaptured his lips with tenderness and a lot less force.

His soft groan she interpreted as pleasure and he was obviously a fast learner as he touched her breasts with tender caresses rather than the pinching sensation the previous interaction had produced.

He seemed to like it as well, at least there had been no complaints. Elizabeth had momentarily dreaded he would let her go and announce her insufficiently endowed but instead he looked enchanted. Elizabeth let out the breath she had not noticed she was holding. Perhaps her inadequacies were not as important to men has her mother had given her the impression of?

As the evening faded into night, sleep did not come to her as her jumbled thoughts needed organising. It had not been all unpleasant although there had been some pain and there was definitely room for improvement.

The tangled clothes were one that could easily be remedied and familiarity would come with time and hopefully, the awkwardness and embarrassment would lighten as well.

Perhaps they could practise consciously on the familiarity.

Frankly, Elisabeth was slightly disappointed she had not been able to view his male form or even touch, without the fabric between her hand and her object.

Curious by nature, she had anticipated more exploring and less misplaced, fumbling attempts. She had not eavesdropped on her mother's friends as a child, without gleaning some information on the subject...

Oh, she needed to sleep, they were sure to set off early towards Pemberley. 'One sheep, two sheep, white sheep, black sheep, horse, cow, cat it was useless.' And that was Elizabeth's last thought before sleep claimed her distraught mind.

A maid woke Elizabeth the next morning. The other side of the bed was empty and cold.

If Darcy had risen early or left during the night, Elizabeth had no idea. He greeted her cordially enough, if not warmly, at the private dining room where they were breaking their fast. Reverting back to the paper he had been hiding behind, previous to her entrance before she even had time to sit down.

Elizabeth felt her cheeks grow warm with the mere sight of him. How strange that what felt natural in the dark of night was so utterly embarrassing in broad daylight. Certainly food for thought, albeit not at the current moment. Darcy might think she had developed something sinister if she kept blushing through the day...

The meal was consumed in utter silence which was not broken until the innkeeper announced that the carriage was ready for departure.

Darcy leapt to his feet and strode out the door, oblivious to his wife, who might have needed some assistance rising from her chair nor the barest civility of asking her if she was ready. It grated on Elizabeth that he seemed to have forgotten her existence and deliberately let her chair scrape noisily as she rose but Darcy did not hear as he was long gone.

The innkeeper led the way and Elizabeth followed sedately. Positioned on opposite sides of the carriage, the day went by slowly but uneventful. Elizabeth was contemplating if Darcy would ever utter a word to her and entered a game of who would speak first in her mind.

If it was silence he craved, she would not thwart his wishes. Coming from a crowded and noisy home, Elisabeth was not as opposed to silence as one might think.

The ridiculousness and childishness of the game suddenly hit her. What did she have to gain by it?

Nothing but misery for sure. Darcy obviously lacked social skills, she did not. Drawing out all the cheerfulness she could muster, she turned to her husband and asked.

"What has occupied your time while you were away from Hertfordshire?"

Surely he could not object to her taking an interest in the estate she was supposed to manage by tomorrow.

Darcy looked at her like she had grown horns on her head.

"Estate business occupies most of my time, naturally, and the Bingley's staid for an extended visit at Christmas."

"Oh... how is Mr Bingley?"

"Mr Bingley was well, the last I heard from him. They travelled north to Yorkshire to visit an aunt after they left Pemberley."

"They? Were the Hurst's and Miss Bingley still with him?"

Darcy looked decidedly uncomfortable.

"No, only Miss Bingley. Mr and Mrs Hurst are residing at Hurst's estate in Sussex."

The conversation went into a lull before Elizabeth bravely ventured forward.

"How long did they stay?"

Darcy was looking increasingly ill at ease, eyes flickering and he kept rubbing his coat between his thumb and forefinger.

"Four months."

Elizabeth did not think that such a long stay meant that Mr Bingley was entirely well. The thought of Jane and Mr Bingley, dancing at the assembly invaded her mind.

Not wanting to retreat into silence when she finally had got some conversation going, Elisabeth searched her mind for some topic that would bring more pleasant thoughts for both.

"How is Georgiana, is she at home?"

Elizabeth wondered briefly if Georgiana had been sent away to let them have a private honeymoon of some sort.

"Georgiana is at home."

Was all the answer she got. As Darcy seemed as uncomfortable with this topic as the previous one, Elisabeth picked up her book and opted to read. She supposed she had to be content at having had a civil exchange with her husband, without any argument and counted it as a small victory.

Darcy was definitely uncomfortable as the guilty conscience he so valiantly had held at arm's length, was creeping up on him. Perhaps it had not been wise to voice his concerns out loud, knowing he one day would be bringing his bride home...

The second day of travel came to an end at another impeccable establishment. A delicious meal was served and eaten accompanied by a few platitudes between the newly married couple.

Darcy had settled in a chair by the fire, a tumbler of brandy in his hand. Elizabeth had not been offered one, not that surprising but nor had he offered her, the more customary glass of Sherry that the ladies were usually served.

Although Elizabeth knew very well, she was not the bride had wanted to bring home, the total lack of effort to please her, beyond the barest of civility, still astounded her.

She would have to manage the role as mistress of Pemberley to perfection, bear him an heir (and a spare if at all possible) as that was the only contribution she could give to the marriage.

With children at least, Elisabeth was confident in her abilities much more than running a grand estate. Growing up with siblings and later, nephews and nieces, there was little she did not know about raising children.

Neither was she afraid Darcy would be a lackadaisical father, he might be a bit cold and distant but he would probably not shirk his duties. She would just have to shower them with double doses of affection, to replace the portion the father might withhold.

With really nothing else to do, Elisabeth chose to retire. A maid from the Inn aided her with removing her evening dress and donning the gauzy night attire from the previous night.

Elizabeth snuggled in a gigantic wingback chair by the fire to await her husband joining her and there she awakened in the predawn.

Stiff and cold as the embers of the hearth had long since died out. Her legs were all pins and needles after staying for so long in one position and she hardly had time to crawl under the covers before the maid entered to wake her up. With a groan, Elisabeth rose for the day.

Worse for wear then she had felt in a long time. Feeling more like a grumpy old biddy than a twenty-year-old, newlywed.

Usually, an early riser, the strain of the last days was taking their toll. The strain of finding contentment in the surreal circumstances she found herself was proving more difficult than she could ever have imagined.

She was definitely not a quitter though... Today they would reach Pemberley, her new home. Her aunt had expounded on the great pleasures to be had in that area, she would find something to bolster her spirits. Surely...


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 2 Treat you Better – (**Shawn Mende**s)**

When the magnificent sight of the house came into view, it was past noon and a silent breakfast and morning had passed.

Elizabeth figured Darcy preferred silence and she would be choosing her battles wisely. Silence did not bother her but the uncertainty did. He had not brought up his absence from her chamber last night and Elizabeth did not find it prudent to ask. Perhaps he did not intend to visit her as often as her mother had implied.

She would have liked to know in advance, what was expected of her in that area and any other for that matter. Anxious knots were forming in her belly as they approached the entrance of her new home. Even more intimidating up close than from a distance, the house which Elizabeth thought would befit to be titled palace, loomed daunting in all its splendour. She could see they were being greeted by a young girl and a mature lady, standing on the portico of Pemberley house.

Darcy descended first from the carriage and gave Elizabeth his hand to assist her down from the carriage.

Elizabeth schooled her expression so that her surprise at his gallantry would not show.

The lady in front of her curtsied politely but formally while the girl struck her as exceedingly shy.

Tall and willowy, she stood looking down at her feet. Elisabeth smiled warmly and reached for the girl's hands.

"Thank you for welcoming me to your lovely home."

Georgiana did not extend her hands towards Elizabeth and Elizabeth let her hands fall limply to her sides.

"Welcome home Mr Darcy, Mrs Darcy."

The mature lady, who Elizabeth guessed were the housekeeper, ended the awkward moment which Elizabeth was grateful for.

"Come inside before you catch a cold, I have refreshments ready in the blue parlour if you like."

If Elizabeth thought it strange that it was the housekeeper who asked them to enter, she did not show it.

"I would like a bath to wash off the road-dust before I eat, is there any water to be had, Mrs Reynolds?"

Darcy quirked an eyebrow at his housekeeper and showed a more relaxed posture than Elizabeth had ever witnessed. There was an obvious warmth between the Darcy siblings and their employee. Elizabeth was fascinated by the crooked smile that grazed Mrs Reynolds face.

"Of course Mr Darcy, your bath has been drawn and there is one ready for Mrs Darcy as well."

"Oh, thank you, Mrs Reynolds. That sounds absolutely wonderful."

Elizabeth gave Mrs Reynolds a brilliant smile and headed towards the beautiful, marbled staircase before she stopped dead in her tracks.

"I have to inconvenience you a little bit more Mrs Reynolds, I have no idea which direction my room is."

A crimson Elisabeth turned to Mrs Reynolds. This should not have been the housekeeper's chore to undertake, it should have been her husbands.

With a sinking feeling, Elisabeth acknowledged that her husband was only bound to her to preserve his honour. No tender feelings or any evidence of friendship had been forthcoming which made her hopes of wedded bliss seem ridiculously unattainable.

She would need every resource within her body and mind to win this battle, she would go down with her flags on top though as losing was even more unpalatable. This was for life, the only life she would ever have and far be it from her to succumb to despair. She straightened and followed Mrs Reynolds through seemingly endless hallways, to the southwest wing and the mistress' suite of rooms.

Elizabeth was gobsmacked the moment she set foot on the threshold. The room was enormous and the bed and furniture were magnificently carved mahogany. A light-blue, white and silver pallet was on the wallpaper, covers and curtains which left a light and airy feel to her private quarters. She breathed out, heavily. A safe haven to relax, she was blessed indeed...

A couple of hours later, refreshed, dressed and hungry. A chambermaid announced dinner was being served in the dining room. Elizabeth asked the maid to guide her but to her astonishment, her husband was waiting for her outside her door. Gave her his arm and walked her to the dining room where his sister was already waiting at the head of the table.

Elizabeth wondered where she was going to sit but Darcy did not let go of her arm and guided her to sit beside him. Why, she had no idea as he did not make any attempts at communication during the three-course meal. He did occasionally flicker his eyes, wearily in her direction.

Perhaps he wondered about her lack of reaction to the slight of the seating arrangement but Elizabeth had no intention of sinking to their level of incivility.

That was not an equivalent to her acceptance though, she just preferred to deal with it out of earshot of the servants and her new sister.

If it was an honest mistake, Georgiana would be mortified. If it was not...

Elizabeth kept her own counsel and an amused expression grazed her countenance. The only words uttered were Elizabeth sending her compliments to the cook for an excellent meal.

Georgiana rose as to indicate the time for the ladies to withdraw but Darcy followed them almost immediately to the music room. Requesting for Georgiana to play the pianoforte. His sister acquiesced and sat down and played by memory.

The young girl played exquisitely, Beethoven's 14th sonata, _quasi una fantasia_.

Elizabeth closed her eyes and let the calm of the first movement washed over her. Emptied her mind of every thought and lived and breathed the melancholy notes. By the third movement, no such calm was to be had as the tempo had picked up and Georgiana's true excellence was convincingly exhibited. Georgiana finished the piece flawlessly. Darcy turned to his wife.

"Do you play Mrs Darcy?"

"A little and very poorly."

"I would like to hear you play regardless."

So much for fishing for compliments, Elisabeth thought wryly as Darcy seemed to have no problem in believing her modesty.

Elizabeth walked over to the pianoforte towards the stool Georgiana had just vacated, sat down and stretched her fingers. Although she had played _quasi una fantasia_, at least the first movement, tolerably well. She opted for an entirely different option who would not feel competitive towards Georgiana and a piece she could perform without much slurring.

Elizabeth's tone of voice was deep when she spoke but it was even deeper when she sang. A Scottish Air filled the room and spellbound her listeners. Darcy blinked in surprise which Elizabeth did not see as she sat with closed eyes, playing by memory, the rather simple tune.

No applause could be heard when she finished, neither did she expect it. The telltale signs that she had moved her audience were there and Elizabeth was content with not getting any criticisms.

Elizabeth curtsied and begged the siblings to excuse her, she was exhausted and would retire for the night. As she walked out of the room, she could hear Georgiana whisper to her brother.

"I thought Miss Bingley said she played very ill?"

Darcy's muted hush was the last she heard but it was crystal clear to Elizabeth what had been Miss Bingley's agenda while staying for so long at Pemberley...

Tired and discouraged, she rang for her maid. The prior occupation of the maid was uncertain but Elizabeth was pretty sure it had not been as a lady's maid.

She took an inordinately long time to help her disrobe, not by design but by sheer lack of education.

When she started to tug on Elizabeth's tangled curls, the headache she had nurtured for the last hour grew into unbearable proportions, until Elizabeth decided to do it herself.

Dismissing the maid and tackling the daunting task of tangles, she combed her hair until her arms ached and silent tears streamed down her face.

Not because of the tugging of her hair but the void that Jane had left. Kind-hearted Jane could always brush out her hair without ripping out her scalp as she did it.

What Elizabeth would not give to have a few minutes of Jane's presence, even if she could not speak to her. The balm to her soul was gone and tranquillity with her. Turmoil and emptiness remained. Elizabeth did not even bother to braid the hard-worked curls.

She slid under the covers and fell instantly into a long, dreamless sleep. Unaware of the stealthy footsteps of her husband entering her room. Watching the red-rimmed eyes and the nose that still held a single drop at its tip, glistening in the candle on the nightstand that Elizabeth had forgotten to extinguish.

Her chocolate curls fanning her pillow while she lay curled up, holding her knees to her chest with her arms. Nor did she see the first crack in the ice-shield he held against his wife, tiptoeing out of her room to let her sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 3 Inner Secrets – (**Jan Werner Danielsen**)**

Elizabeth woke up, refreshed and with fierce determination. Knowing what she was up against, gave her purpose and an agenda. To challenge them with words would be pointless. Her words against a long term acquaintance would not be worth much but her actions over time would.

She set out for a walk before breaking her fast to clear her head. Her father's last advice to her had been. 'Show no weakness or they will eat you alive,' which had sounded somewhat overly dramatic at the time but the advice had been given as to how she should tackle the cats of the ton. Little did he know it would apply to her own household as well.

Striding confidently into the breakfast room, only to find it empty of any other occupants, apart from a footman. Elizabeth ate heartily before summoning Mrs Reynolds as the first order of the day.

Hiring her own lady's maid was one the few things she knew without question she had the authority to do, it was priority number one. It would also serve as a signal to the housekeeper that she was not to be trifled with.

The housekeeper took her time coming at Elizabeth's request which made it infinitely easier for Elizabeth to discard any sympathy she might have felt otherwise.

The blush that spread from the housekeeper's neck to her cheeks when she had to admit that the maid had worked in the scullery, did a little to restore her in Elizabeth's good graze. She had, at least, the decency to feel ashamed...

Ordering the carriage, Elisabeth found her outerwear or rather, she found someone who could fetch it for her and ordered the driver towards Lambton.

Her aunt Madeleine's maid had a sister at the Inn in Lambton and Elizabeth had absolutely no scruples in hijacking the maid from the proprietor of the Inn.

Elizabeth took an instant liking to the rotund, red-head with the warm smile and hired her on the spot. Promising her a very generous fifty pounds per annum, Hannah Linney was eager to please and the five pounds Mr Bennet had given Elizabeth for her travels were paid to the proprietor as a bribe to release her immediately.

The proprietor thought it wise to stay on a good foot with the new mistress of Pemberley and reluctantly let Hannah go.

Armed with a new lady's maid and a boost of self-confidence, Elizabeth strode into the great hall of Pemberley, to be met by a very grim-looking Mr Darcy.

"Where have you been?"

"Lambton, to pick up my lady's maid." Elizabeth met his scowl with a fierce look of her own.

"I thought you had been assigned a lady's maid from the estate." Elizabeth held back a snort with difficulty.

"That was a scullery maid with no education and even less experience in dealing with my dreadful hair, not to forget dressing and undressing me in a timely manner. I have found one that came highly recommended and I will happily pay for her from my father's allowance. I have offered her fifty pounds per annum and that is the exact amount that I have at my disposable from Longbourn."

Darcy's frown deepened even further and Elizabeth was sure she had displeased him immensely.

"Recommended by whom?" Elizabeth raised her chin at the information she was about to deliver.

"My aunt Madeleine Gardiner of London, she spent her childhood in Lambton. Hannah is her lady's maid's sister. And no, you probably did not know her, she ventured in very different circles than your own.

She was the daughter of the vicar in Lambton, before marrying my uncle. A very successful tradesman."

Elizabeth could not help herself in delivering the last little jab but instantly regretted it. It was not in her best interests to annoy her already angry spouse.

As Darcy seemed to have run out of words having spoken so many at once that Elizabeth grabbed the lull of silence to make her escape.

"Come along Hannah. I am sure Mrs Reynolds will find you a nice room and we will get you settled in."

Had it not been such a ridiculous notion, Elisabeth could have sworn she heard Darcy mutter something like: "your hair is not dreadful".

Requesting a footman to lead the way to Mrs Reynolds study, the matter of housing was settled within minutes and the housekeeper and her mistress had settled some ground rules that would eventually lead to a mutual understanding and respect.

Leaving her maid to unpack her belongings, an extended tour of the mansion ensued. Elizabeth could not rely on others to guide her through the house at every given moment, a thorough knowledge was of utmost importance.

Two hours later, Elisabeth ordered a light nuncheon sent to the mistress study who was for some reason, far away from the master's study.

Tackling the household ledgers to familiarise herself with the inner workings of Pemberley while downing toast and cheese with a cup of tea.

A couple of hours had her head swimming with numbers and chores which sent her on the next point of her agenda, the music room.

Was she expected to perform, she would have to practice more. Climpering away she was suddenly aware of another presence in the room. Georgiana was lurking by the door.

"I am so sorry Georgiana if I have intruded on your time to practice. I will make myself scarce, promptly."

Sailing out of the room without a backward glance, Elisabeth thought the time had come to visit her husband's study.

Darcy looked up with surprise when he noticed that it was his wife that entered his domain. He waved at a chair as an invitation to sit and Elizabeth sat down primly on the edge of the seat in front of his desk and looked at him expectantly.

"State your case, I am rather busy."

Elizabeth seated herself a bit deeper on the chair and willed herself to relax.

"I can wait."

Leaving him with no hope of her retreating before her matters had been settled. Darcy sighed and put away his quill. Relaxing back in his chair he eyed her intently. Once Elizabeth had his full attention, she looked him straight in his eyes, chin up and took a stance that said she was ready for the battle of wills that would surely ensue.

"I expect you to speak to your sister of appropriate seating arrangements in a dining-room during a formal dinner. If you are agreeable to leave it to me, I will instruct her companion on the proper conduct. It would not be my reputation alone who would suffer such a slight when we entertain. Be assured that the point is taken and the message was loud and clear. I would also like to know of in which areas of the estate I have authority if any..."

Elizabeth had not let go of Darcy's eyes for a moment during her speech.

"In addition, I would like to know of what kind of funds I have available if any..."

Elizabeth was fighting hard not to cringe while asking for her monetary status but she needed to know.

Darcy had a hard gleam in his eyes when he answered her.

"I will talk to my sister. Your allowance..." He gave her a hard look. "I have set to fifty pounds a quarter, not the usual amount of someone of your station but significantly more than you are used to."

Then, he started on a long list of duties and responsibilities of the mistress of Pemberley which suited Elizabeth just fine. Idleness had never been her want.

"Thank you, I will see you at dinner." She curtsied and left him to his duties.

As the night fell, Elisabeth excused herself to retire. A little early perhaps but with the present company, Elisabeth preferred the company of books.

After a short detour to the library, picking up a play by the bard. A much more pleasurable encounter with her new maid readying for bed followed and Elizabeth settled nicely under the covers with her book. Not many pages had been turned though before there was a distinct knock on her door.

Calling "enter", she lowered her book to peer over the rim at the intruder. Mr Darcy shed his robe, revealing the shirt and breeches underneath. Climbed under the covers, took the book out of her hands and put it on the nightstand, lifted up her shift and entered her without further ado.

The pain was excruciating although not like the sharp pain from their first encounter. This was a burning sensation that not only lasted but got worse...

Elizabeth's gasp only seemed to spur him on and to double his effort. When he finally let out a deep groan and collapsed on top her, Elisabeth flung her arms around him. Not really to keep him close but to keep him still. She could not bear for him to move within her, not even to pull out...

One might think that having so much weight upon her person would be uncomfortable but Elizabeth discovered that she actually liked it. Unconsciously, she started to let her nails graze lightly up and down his back. Jane had loved it when Elizabeth tickled her back until she fell asleep. It was a familiar routine, Elisabeth performed without thought.

At least the burning sensation had subsided into a dull ache. If it was due to the fact that Darcy's potency had shrunk or if it was the wetness of his seed that had soothed her, she had no idea but she was thankful for the fact and let her arms slide away from his back, only to discover that her husband had fallen asleep.

'How on earth am I going to get out of this trap,' she thought when she got an idea. Tickling his right side, he slid over to his left. Leaving Elizabeth still trapped under an arm and a leg but not under the whole of his body-weight.

'That will do,' Elisabeth thought wryly as she had no intention of waking up the beast if he would be in mind to make another attempt as he had on their first night...

Elizabeth could not sleep though. 'Why had she been in so much pain, this time? Her mother had let her believe that the pain was only going to come on the first night, not grow into unbearable proportions on the next... She pondered the difference between the two encounters and finally fell asleep as she agreed with herself that the kissing and touching must have made a difference.'

The morning came and Elizabeth woke up to an aghast look on Darcy's face. Not only had he woken up beside his wife but he was still holding her close to his chest in a tangle of limbs. Shoving her away, in a decidedly rude fashion, Darcy untangled himself and strode out the door, grabbing his robe as he went.

Chuckling to herself, Elisabeth found it rather funny that Darcy found it so disconcerting to awaken with his wife in his arms. That he had practically fled the room. She, on the other hand, had slept very well and felt rested for a change.

Elizabeth pulled the bell to alert her maid to the fact that she was up and ready to dress. The smug look on Hannah's face when she entered her chamber, made Elizabeth wonder if she had been to her room a little earlier...

That might as well have been the case as the rumourmongers not long after, were starting to spread that the stoic master of Pemberley was very much in love with his wife.

Elizabeth saw no reason in curtailing her habits despite being mistress of an illustrious manor. A walk before breaking her fast was one of life's necessities and she asked her maid for one of her plainer gowns.

The chill of an April night still hung in the air, fresh, snippy and rejuvenating. A rosy-cheeked Elizabeth entered the breakfast room and curtsied to the two inhabitants, silently filled her plate and sat down at the opposite end of the master and his sister. They were speaking quietly amongst themselves but made no effort to include her. Elizabeth let her mind wander on to today's agenda and decided to importune Mrs Reynolds to familiarise herself with more of the house.

Elizabeth's ability to put everyone she met at ease, worked greatly in her favour. Maids, footmen and ground workers, all met her stiffly but left relaxed and content. Taking a genuine interest in their work and not being overbearing went a long way in pacifying some of the reluctance she met. It was only Mrs Reynolds who still kept herself somewhat standoffish but Elizabeth did not mind earning her respect, as long as she did not purposely work to undermine her.

Dinner was just a replica of breakfast, the only difference being the room it was served and the number of dishes.

Elizabeth wondered at there being such a lavish layout when there were only the three of them present. She must remember to speak to Mrs Reynolds about it on the morrow.

Instead of retiring to the music room after dinner, the Darcy siblings opted to show Elizabeth the portrait gallery. A lengthy historical lesson in the Darcy heritage included.

Why was soon revealed when her husband informed her that the neighbours were expected to start calling in about a week and she needed to be prepared for possible questions.

Elizabeth stifled a yawn and begged the siblings to excuse her, as soon as the lecture, with the subsequent explanation was finished. She figured they would have a much more pleasant evening without her gloomy presence and she had found a book that was calling for her in her new bedchamber.

Neatly tucked in, Elizabeth delved into the flora of Northern England with relish. Nature had always fascinated her and a few hours flew by unnoticed before she finally put it down and leaned towards the nightstand to blow out the last candle when her door opened and her husband walked in.

She did not know why she had not expected him back in her chamber so soon but she was taken completely off guard and panicked. As her husband slid under the covers, the wife slipped out on the other side.

The goosebumps that the cold air immediately formed on her body went unnoticed.

Searching her brain frantically for anything to delay the inevitable, she suddenly remembered her mother saying that some men preferred their brides unclothed and she started to loosen the strings on her shift. Slowly, as to procrastinate as much as possible. Darcy followed her out of the bed but stood still, looking at her with half-open mouth and hooded eyes.

When the shift floated to the floor, Elizabeth loosened the braid and shook out her hair. The look Darcy gave her made her feel like a prey before a carnivore but he did not move.

"I just wanted to prohibit our clothes getting entangled," Elizabeth stated nervously as an explanation for her forward behaviour while Darcy looked like he was ready to charge any second. He did not though, instead he removed his shirt and then his breeches.

Elizabeth wondered if she had the same funny look in her face as Darcy had recently had and at least had the presence to close her mouth as her eyes roamed up and down Darcy's toned body.

Not really been preview to the specifics of the male form until she toured the fabulous statue gallery at Pemberley. She now knew enough to judge her husband as a prime example. Except for the hair down his chest, he could easily have sat for either one of the Greek Gods on display.

Chiselled muscles, broad-shouldered, a slim waist and 'oh my heavens'... No wonder that monstrosity left a burning sensation, there was no way that could fit anywhere in her body. Yet, it had!

"You are cold, let me warm you."

Darcy took Elizabeth's hand while turning and crawling on to the middle of the bed. Elizabeth had no choice but to follow on her hands and knees while contemplating the unpleasantness of that kind of warming up.

Sitting down on his legs, facing her, Elizabeth followed his example and was relieved that although their knees were touching, the rest of their bodies experienced some distance.

She was stunned though, when Darcy gently cupped her cheek, tilting her head upwards until their eyes met.

"I have never seen a lady unclothed before", his awestricken countenance manifested the statement as truth.

Elizabeth was even more surprised when he started to trail the tips of his fingers down her shoulder and to her chest.

'How could those massive hands perform such a gentle touch', her skin felt like it burned in the tracks of his fingers and the goosebumps had all but disappeared.

Darcy continued to explore Elizabeth's body and Elizabeth tentatively reciprocated the service which seemed to spur him on. He bent down and kissed her nipple but righted himself as soon as the deed was done.

"I have always wanted to that, without the fabric in between."

Darcy coloured profoundly after his admission and Elizabeth unexplainably wanted him at ease. She quickly bent down and pecked his nipple while admitting to the same desires with a smirk on her face. Darcy growled and with a swift movement, she lay prostrate on her back. Elizabeth reacted automatically, trying to get up and accidentally graced Darcy's neck with her teeth. When he instead of being repulsed, bent his neck to give her more access, she continued but opted for kisses rather than bites. When he returned the favour, Elizabeth understood the enticement. Not to forget that his hands were everywhere. They cradled her neck to lift her head for easily accessed kisses, fondled her breasts and pulled her thighs apart.

There was no burning sensation this time. Well, at least not a painful one... It was as her world shifted on its axis, she floated higher and higher until it ruptured into a thousand pieces and left her in a boneless heap on the mattress.

"Are you well, Elizabeth?"

Elizabeth flipped over to her back, her hands stretched lazily over her head and practically purred.

"Absolutely stupendous!"

Darcy chuckled and mimicked her position except for his hands who were tucked behind his head. A satisfied smirk on his face.

"Do not gloat, Mr Darcy, it is unbecoming."

Elizabeth wore a grin that removed the sting in her words.

"No! I believe it fits me quite well..."

"Really?" Elizabeth turned on her side to get a better look at her husband's face and agreed with herself that he actually had made a jest. Who would have thought?

Which was the last thing she remembered before waking up at dawn the next morning. To prevent Darcy the embarrassment of waking up with his wife in his arms for the second time in a row. Elizabeth carefully asserted her husband was still sleeping by listening for his light snore and carefully extracted herself from his limbs, edging towards the side of the bed.

Darcy was having none of it, even in his sleep. He nudged towards her, making adorable little grunts on the way. Grabbed her by the waist and pulled her to his chest, face first. his light snoring replaced the grunts immediately. Darcy's chest hair tickled her nose and Elizabeth bit her lip to hold back the chuckles but could not quell the shaking in her shoulders entirely.

"Laughing at me, wife?" Darcy's deep baritone was floating like velvet through her ear but the air he breathed tickled it and she laughed outright.

"No, I was laughing at the one that traps his wife in an iron grip while snoring and grunting." An elevated eyebrow met Darcy as he opened his eyes to peer down at his wife.

"I do not snore and I do definitely not grunt!"

"No? Just like you are not holding me tight?"

Darcy released his grip and an awkward silence followed. Elizabeth decided to quit the heavy atmosphere before it could rob her of her good mood. Slipped out of the bed and without a backward glance, she went to her dressing room and dressed for her morning constitutional.

Dressed warmly, she ventured back into her chambers, only to find it abandoned by her husband. Wanting to ask him about the meals in private, she opened the door to the adjoining room she assumed was the master's chambers. She was not entirely wrong.

The chamber had space and opulence of a masters chambers but for the fact that it was clearly unused and had not been in use for some time...

The master and mistress suite of rooms were at the southeast wing of Pemberley's first floor, several other bedrooms, including the nursery, lead to the grand staircase, on the southwest wing, on the second floor, were several more family rooms. Georgiana had the first one, overlooking the entrance and she knew that some rooms were designated for specific family members and even Bingley had his own room.

Where her husband was located, she had no idea and felt very reluctant to ask. What utter embarrassment would befall her if she had to ask a servant... Opting to postpone the questioning of her husband for later she instead walked down a smaller staircase to one of the side entrances.

Out in the open, she set a brisk pace for the hill behind Pemberley. Water cascading down the hill from a fountain and ended in a little pond in the back garden, to be collected and pumped up the hill for its next trip downwards.

The sound of trickling water had the calming effect Elizabeth desired and the view from the top made her take large, calming breaths.

After the death of her most beloved sister, surrealism had descended over Elizabeth. Detached from herself, she felt outside looking in, even on her own self.

For a short spell the previous evening, she had felt alive, in contact with herself, she had felt...

Although only for the briefest of moments, it had felt good. This fog of detachment was not sound and she craved the onslaught of emotions.

Walking down the eastern side of the hill, her solitary was interrupted by noise, someone was chopping wood and to her utter bewilderment, it was her husband. Dressed in only his breeches and shirtsleeves, Elizabeth doubted he would welcome any intrusion. His state of undress the previous evening notwithstanding, to be observed in less than perfect attire, in broad daylight with the possibility of staff observing them, made Elizabeth stealthily turn a wide circle around the hardworking man.

Hours later, after a most discouraging discussion with Mrs Reynolds about the possibility of reducing the number of courses at dinner, the mistress knocked on the door to the study, the housekeeper a step behind.

"Enter!"

If Darcy was surprised by the intrusion, he did not show it. He waved the ladies over to a seating area near the hearth and invited them to sit.

"What is the matter Elizabeth?"

Mr Darcy had his own genuine way of pronouncing her name, it felt like a caress and it bolstered her courage.

"I wanted to reduce the number of courses at dinner since there seems to be such an excess at every meal. When we are not entertaining, of course, it seems like such a waste when it is only the immediate family present."

"We can afford it." Darcy flatly replied.

"That is hardly an argument." Elizabeth stood her ground.

"It has been the custom since my mother was the mistress of Pemberley."

Mrs Reynolds beamed as it was the exact argument she had used to gainsay her mistress.

"I told her this was the revered Mrs Darcy's way of organising dinner."

Mrs Reynolds satisfaction lasted a few minutes while Mr Darcy studied his wife before she delivered the final blow.

"Why?" Elizabeth countered. Dead silence reigned for several more minutes before Mr Darcy lowered his eyes from the intense staring competition with his wife.

"Mrs Reynolds, do as Mrs Darcy wish."

Elizabeth fought hard to quench the instant relief that flooded her body. Trying to retain a modicum of dignity, she inclined her head slightly towards her husband and left the room. She was under no illusion of what her faith would have been had her husband reached another decision in this paltry little matter. It would have made her existence in this house unbearable. She needed to gain the respect of her staff.


	5. Chapter 5

**4 How you remind me – (**Nickleback**)**

Two weeks passed where Elizabeth didn't question Darcy's presence in her bedroom every night nor his distance during the day. Life had settled into a sort of comfortable routine when the housekeeper alerted Elizabeth that a carriage had entered the gate and was expected to arrive in 20 minutes.

"Who could it be? I thought it was custom to wait at least a month before visiting newlyweds unannounced."

"Oh, it is not unannounced. Did not Mr Darcy tell you? It is only Mr Bingley, he has an open invitation but I happen to know that this visit was planned a few weeks ago."

Elizabeth thought she had made some headway with her husband but apparently, she was wrong.

How could he have forgotten to tell her, or worse, had he deliberately not mentioned it?

"Will you kindly ready his usual room Mrs Reynolds?"

"That is already taken care of, madam. The rooms of his sisters and brother as well."

Dread started to fill Elizabeth's mind, she had wanted to feel more of late but this was not the emotion she had been hoping for. 'I must be the only one who had not been informed. Does he loathe me so much that he wants to see me fail at every turn.'

Elizabeth knew she was not being reasonable. It was not the end of the world but it certainly felt like it.

"I need to refresh myself, excuse me." Elizabeth practically fled to her room and paced the floor. 'Why would her equilibrium leave her in the most crucial moment? She had to gather wits before the guests arrived.'

Hannah jumped when her mistress threw up the dressing room door and started to look frantically through her dresses.

"What are you looking for, Mrs Darcy? May I help you?" Elizabeth halted her search and turned towards her maid.

"Yes! I need a gown as we seem to be about to entertain..."

"Which gown did you want?"

"I do not know. Something that will give me strength." Elizabeth stared quizzically at her rather dreary mourning gowns, well worn and mended numerous of times.

"The grey is very becoming Mrs Darcy." Elizabeth, well aware of the small untruth her maid had just uttered but acquiesced.

Sprinting down the staircase, she noticed both her husband and sister were ready in the hall to greet their guests who had thankfully not arrived yet.

Elizabeth slid to halt before walking gracefully to stand beside her husband. Mr Darcy touched her arm and pushed it gently down her side, preventing her worrying her lips with her fingertips as they waited patiently for their guests. The butler opened the door and Mr and Miss Bingley entered simultaneously.

"Darcy!" They exclaimed in unison and then equally in tune.

"Mrs Darcy!"

"Miss Bennet!"

Before only Miss Bingley greeted the youngest of the residents.

"Dear Georgiana, you have been dearly missed. London's entertainment is not the same without your excellent company."

Grabbing Georgiana by both hands while landing exaggerated kisses on her cheeks. Elizabeth took Miss Bingley's little snubs with stoic calm, she had gotten rather used to them during her stay at Netherfield Park.

What did worry Elizabeth, was what lengths the lady would go to, to undermine the fragile respect Elizabeth had worked so hard to gain with her staff. She did not get to ponder the thought for very long as Mr Bingley took her hands and said much to assuage Elizabeth's trepidation.

"A pleasure to see you again, Mrs Darcy! My sincerest congratulations on your marriage and deepest condolences on your loss." The smile on Bingley's face disappeared but Elizabeth had not thought that it ever had reached his eyes in the first place.

"Please follow me to the drawing-room, refreshments await those who are in need and the rooms are ready for those who want to retire."

Miss Bingley huffed but waited to see where Mr Darcy was heading before she chose to follow them into the drawing-room.

The thought of entertainment suddenly appeared in Elizabeth's mind or rather the lack of...

Not having had the advantage of being informed of the visit had not afforded her an opportunity to prepare. Now she had to arrange something, and quickly. The thought was just finished when Georgiana uttered something that astonished her though.

"I have been eagerly awaiting your arrival and I have so much planned that I hardly believe a fortnight can be sufficient time to manage it all!"

While Georgiana clapped gleefully, Elizabeth lagged purposely behind. The excuse was to properly welcome the Hurst's, the real reason was to hide the devastation that threatened to overwhelm her. 'Why on earth should her world shift so crudely towards emotions when she so utterly needed the nothingness that had lingered for months?' Elizabeth rallied and created a resemblance of a smile to the Mr and Mrs Hurst who seemed to have been forgotten by their host.

Darcy was dragging Mr Bingley from the company and toward his study, post hast. Soon after, Georgiana volunteered to escort Miss Bingley and Mrs Hurst to their rooms which left Mr Hurst to be entertained by Elizabeth. He was easily pleased by an assortment of biscuits, cake, bread and cheese with the customary tea.

Obligatory comments of the dreadful state of the spring roads were made and somehow lulled the man into a peaceful slumber. Elizabeth retrieved her book and a biscuit but the biscuit tasted funny. She made a mental note of speaking to the cook as it had a definite metallic taste. Perhaps the iron pot needed to be replaced. Limiting herself to a cup of tea and chunk of cheese, she reclined in the window seat which concealed her presence.

Giggling, Georgiana entered the room, arm in arm with Miss Bingley.

"Your advise this winter was excellent Miss Bingley. Teaching me exactly how to act was very helpful, my brother treats her like she does not exist. I have hardly heard him utter one word to her."

'No, he limits himself mostly to snores and grunts,' Elizabeth thought wryly while contemplating making her presence known.

"I wonder what she did to entrap him though, he is usually so guarded. She must have done something exceptionally vile..."

"Dear Georgiana, I could not possibly violate your maidenly sensibilities with such a tale, it is just too dreadful." Nodding knowingly towards her sister who had just entered to collect her husband.

"Honestly, Alcott did the country chit leave you all alone? How abominable rude to abandon her guests as soon as they have arrived. Let _me_ show you to your room dear."

Mrs Hurst preened while the somewhat disoriented Hurst opened his eyes and looked straight at Elizabeth. Elizabeth held her breath as Hurst let his eyes glide leisurely towards his wife.

"Yes, let's all adjourn to our chambers. It is time to change for dinner and I for one would sorely want to be late. I am sure they will set a magnificent table as always."

Elizabeth fought hard not to gasp. 'Dinner! How could she have forgotten?' Waiting impatiently until the footsteps of her guests had disappeared. She ran towards Mrs Reynolds office but collided with the substantial form of her husband, before she got too far.

"How _could_ you not tell me? Shall I conjecture up twenty-odd extra dishes from thin air? I am not that kind of witch Mr Darcy!" Elizabeth's fury had backed Mr Darcy up against the opposite wall.

"Of course not! Do not be ridiculous Elizabeth. I have ordered a good dinner weeks ago when the visit was planned."

"I am the only left in the dark then or perhaps you told me but I forgot it amongst the plethora of information, you have so graciously shared. Excuse me, I will retire to dress before dinner."

Elizabeth's fury lasted until she reached her chambers when the remorse for her outburst caught up with her.

"Stupid, utterly stupid. Mama was right! My sharp tongue will one day ruin me... Elizabeth Bennet! Oh heavens, I cannot even remember my own name! Elizabeth Darcy, you hold your tongue for the rest of their visit. Do not speak unless spoken too. Do. You. Hear. Me."

The rant was both heard and observed by her bewildered maid. Who could not have foreseen the next event? She was not aware that the gown she had laid out for her mistress to wear was the gown that Elizabeth had deliberately chosen not to pack but her mother had snuck it into her box at the last minute.

The pale pink gown was the one who Jane had worn to her last assembly in Meryton, the one that caught the attention of Mr Bingley.

Mrs Bennet had divided Jane's gowns between her remaining daughters. To throw them away would be a waste and the Bennet's of Longbourn were not that well off.

The pink gown had suited the fair Jane perfectly but made the other Bennet daughters look washed out with the exception of Mary who would never deign herself to wear pink under any circumstances.

The least sought after gown had, therefore, ended up in Elizabeth's box. Some white lace had been added to alter the gown slightly but Elizabeth still saw Jane, when she looked at the gown.

Elizabeth's knees gave out at the first glimpse of the gown and tears poured down her cheeks as she knelt on the floor, gasping for air. Hannah did the unthinkable but necessary thing and embraced her mistress while rocking her gently.

"There, there. I thought you would not mind a gown that wasn't a mourning dress, it is pale and not so far off the mark though?" Elizabeth buried her face in her hands and stuttered while hiccupping.

"It was Jane's gown. I cannot wear it!"

"Dreadfully sorry mam, I will dispose of it right away."

"No! Do not throw it away, just remove it to somewhere safe."

"Do not worry mam. I will keep it safe. The lavender gown it is then. Let me fetch it and we will have you ready in no time."

"I do not suppose some of my black gowns could be coloured or perhaps bleached?"

"No Mrs Darcy, that is quite impossible. Once it is dyed black there is no way of reversing the deed. I will put them in the back of the dressing room and pray you will have no need for them for a long time."

"Thank you, Hannah, you are a blessing."

With red-rimmed eyes, Elizabeth entered the dining room as the other guests were taking their seats. Looking demurely down to hide the tracks of her recent tears, she still noticed Caroline linger so long at the mistress' seat that Elizabeth thought she was actually usurping her place at the table but as Elizabeth approached she sat down on the next seat.

Elizabeth had Caroline Bingley on one side and Georgiana on the other side. Why they had opted to place themselves so close to the object of their disdain was unfathomable to Elizabeth.

True to her earlier vows, she kept her head down, blatantly ignored the snide remarks she received from both sides of the table and did not look once, in the direction of her husband. If she had, she would have noticed the intense look he occasionally gave her but her mind was much too engaged, dodging the arrows from up close.

Eventually, the young ladies gave up on getting a reaction from Elizabeth and ventured on to the more pleasant topics of fashion and events they would attend when Georgiana had her come out.

When all seemed to have had their fill, Elizabeth escorted the ladies to the music room and let the gentlemen have their port in peace.

In the music room, Miss Bingley lamented on her _dear_ friend that had died so young and beautiful. The rest of the family was an entirely different matter and the mother, the sisters and even the father were ladled with insults and anecdotes of an embarrassing nature.

Miss Bingley was an expert stinger, she had not mentioned Jane by name which left Elizabeth unable to defend herself or admit that the accusations fitted her family.

"Mrs Darcy, I commend you for still wearing your mourning apparel, it speaks well of the respect you had for your sister, even after your half-mourning is over but as a friend..." A dramatic pause was added. "I would advise you to put on your best gowns, it will not do for the mistress of Pemberley to be seen in such an outdated and threadbare frock."

"Caroline!"

A bewildered Bingley exclaimed while dragging his hand through his hair as he stepped into the room.

"What utter nonsense, of course, she should wear mourning clothes for her sister. She was an angel you know, the most beautiful creature I have ever beheld."

The last comment was directed mournfully towards Georgiana who looked chastised although the comment held no spite.

"She was just as beautiful on the inside. She was all that was good in this world I never heard her say anything disparaging about anyone, ever."

Elizabeth's quietly remarked and the silence hung heavy in the air for several minutes afterwards. Bingley was the one who broke the silence buy requesting Georgiana to play the pianoforte. Georgiana did not seem to mind but when she had played a few instrumental pieces the demand for a song made her retract into shyness. Elizabeth thought she should try to help her out and offered to accompany her singing on the aria from Mozart's, the Wedding of Figaro. Georgiana had a delightful soprano voice, just like Jane had and Elizabeth's deep alto enhanced the performance. Leaving the gentlemen of the room spellbound. In the end, Elizabeth complimented Georgiana's voice. She even said she reminded her somewhat of her dear beloved sister which even Georgiana understood as high praise indeed.

"I did not know Jane could sing." Miss Bingley commented with disbelief in her voice.

"Just because she did not boast, did not mean that she lacked the accomplishment." Elizabeth was getting weary of the turn of conversation.

"I find it hard to believe that those who knew her well would not have requested a performance at the dinner party at Lucas lodge. After all, they did request it of you, Miss Bennet."

Elizabeth could hardly keep the exasperation from her voice.

"Those who knew her... knew she was very shy and would never perform for such a large crowd as the dinner party at Lucas lodge."

Miss Bingley, obviously not fond of the direction the conversation was heading, made a last attempt to put Elizabeth in her place.

"I heard the militia is going to regroup to Brighton, must be a devastating loss to your family Eliza. I remember your younger sisters were particularly fond of red coats. What entertainment will there be left to be had, when they leave. Your mother must mourn the loss most profoundly."

Cold calmness enveloped Elizabeth as she looked Caroline directly in her eyes.

"As you well know Miss Bingley, our family has been in mourning these last months and have not been entertaining. My mother lost her most beloved daughter while her second eldest daughter was about to move far away from home, creating another sense of loss to my mother who does not travel well. I dear say the loss of the militia was one of the least of her worries. As to my sisters... They can hardly miss what they do not know."

Aid came from an unlikely source when it was Mr Hurst who spoke up.

"That will be quite enough Caroline, I wonder what they teach the young ladies at school these days. Manners, it is definitely not... Anyone up for a card game?"

Caroline was a proficient card player and suggested silver loo which was universally agreed upon. Elizabeth, painfully aware that she had no funds left to play with and would not have used it if she had had any, chose to bow out.

"You will have to excuse me, I feel a headache coming on and will retire so I can be fit to entertain you all tomorrow. Good night!" Elizabeth knew it was rude to retire before her guests but the certainty of the same guests wanting her absence made the decision easier.

The next morning, Elizabeth had snuck out of her own chamber. Tiptoeing, not to wake her husband who slightly inebriated had woken her up at two in the morning in an amorous mood.

Not that Elizabeth particularly disliked the activity but to be wakened in the middle of the night, not so much.

Miffed, she refused him his morning cuddle and went to her study to bury herself in household matters.

She usually met up with Mrs Reynolds to discuss the day and eventual issues as they arose. Mrs Reynolds was running a little late when Georgiana and Miss Bingley entered.

"Oh, you are free Mrs Darcy. I was worried that you would be busy with Mrs Reynolds as usual."

By Georgiana's tone of voice, Elizabeth surmised that Georgiana might have preferred her to be occupied.

"We are having a picnic at the ruins and wondered if you wanted to tag along. We thought we could ride out as the carriage has already left with the servants, food and blankets." Elizabeth's interest was immediately picked as history had always fascinated her

.

"Ruins you say, what kind of ruins?"

"The Stone circles of Arbor Low, a Neolithic henge monument just a little over twelve miles away."

Just as Elizabeth was contemplating the pros of visiting such an intriguing site against the cons of spending an entire day with the snide ladies, Mrs Reynolds entered looking decidedly out of sorts.

"I am sorry to interrupt but I have some issues I need to discuss with you, Mrs Darcy."

The sidelong flicker of her eyes towards the other two ladies made Elizabeth aware that the issue could not be raised in their presence. Sighing wistfully, Elizabeth told her sister and her friend to go on without her, wishing them a pleasant outing.

Both ladies lit up and boasted of how relieved Mr Darcy would be with only two ladies to escort, on their way out. Elizabeth sat silent, looking out the window and watched the two ladies exit the house and saunter towards the stables. With the distraction out of sight, she turned to her housekeeper and waited patiently for her to come forth with her issue.

"I have a problem with tonight's menu..."

Elizabeth wondered at her raising the issue with her and not Georgiana. She was, after all, the one who had created the menu, several weeks ago.

"The main course to be specific. It is supposed to be pheasant but since it is not in season and it is only the breeding birds available which I hardly believe Mr Darcy would appreciate being slaughtered during the nesting season. I am uncertain about what to do. I did ask Georgiana but Miss Bingley answered for her that if she had ordered pheasant, pheasant is what they would have and that it was my responsibility to order in whatever was necessary."

A sigh that was rather exasperated, escaped from Elizabeth.

"The pheasant lay their eggs from April to June, we are in the middle of their nesting season. Pheasant is out of the question. What other birds are available Mrs Reynolds? We will definitely leave the breeding birds unmolested."

At that moment her husband, who had picked up titbits of the conversation, entered the room.

"You are under no circumstances removing any of my breeding pheasants to serve as dinner Mrs Darcy!"

Elizabeth raised one eyebrow towards her husband before calmly addressing the issue at hand.

"My thoughts exactly. By the bye, it was your sister and Miss Bingley who ordered Mrs Reynolds to do just that. She wisely opted to confer with me before bringing so many of your precious birds to the slaughter. The hunt in the fall would surely suffer horribly as a consequence, I have decided to look for alternatives. You are also late for your outing, your ladies departed several minutes ago but by the way, you ride your stallion, I am sure you are able to catch up with them."

"I am not going, I have business to attend to, that cannot be delayed."

"That will surely disappoint the ladies," Elizabeth whispered to her husbands retreating back.

"You would have liked to attend the outing, Mrs Darcy?" Mrs Reynolds asked quietly while Elizabeth sent another longing look out the window.

"Not the outing particularly but I would have loved to have seen the stone circle. We did not have anything like that in Hertfordshire. I might get another opportunity though, it is not so far away after all. Do you have any other issues you wished to discuss?"

As it turned out, Mrs Reynolds suddenly had a number of questions for her mistress and they spent a pleasurable hour, deciding on household matters.

As Elizabeth was dressing for supper, she heard a faint knock on her door. Calling enter, she was surprised when it was Georgiana, asking if she could have a word.

"Of course, come in. Linney, I can manage the rest myself."

The maid curtsied and left the two sisters, bound together by marriage. Elizabeth waited patiently while Georgiana fiddled with her gloves. When she finally did speak, Elizabeth was straining to hear what she said.

"Thank you for rescuing the pheasants. My brother explained why and I am thankful it was not too late."

Elizabeth was aware of the cost such a statement would have taken on Georgiana and decided to be charitable.

"Have you had any training in running a household Georgiana?"

"Not particularly, we had very little at school."

"What did they teach you at school then?"

"Etiquette mostly."

"You could not have known then, what was in season or not. That is actually a relief because that can easily be taught. Would you like to learn how to run a household, Georgiana?" Georgiana drew a sharp intake of breath and asked incredulously.

"You would teach me?"

"With pleasure, it will take time though. It is a lot to learn and it is long overdue. We will start as soon as our guests leave. You do not have the time when you are busy entertaining."

Georgiana's attitude towards Elizabeth seemed to be somewhat improved over the next few days. Elizabeth was invited to all of Georgiana and Caroline's entertainment although convenience rarely allowed her to participate due to her responsibilities as the mistress.

One late afternoon, she was free to participate and what luck as Georgiana had ordered a dancing master to teach them the scandalous waltz. Mr Darcy was not too pleased and had obviously not known of the evening's entertainment and laid down the rules.

Since it was a small, private affair, only siblings or married couples would be allowed to pair up. Georgiana was quite content with that and was on her way towards her brother when he asked her to play the pianoforte for the first set. Georgiana practically pouted.

"But brother, I can ask Mrs Annesley to play or Mrs Darcy can play, can you not, Mrs Darcy?"

Georgiana's heartfelt pleading tugged on Elizabeth's heart-strings and she moved towards the pianoforte when Darcy spoke up.

"No, Georgiana. Mrs Annesley is not well as you know. We cannot possibly ask it of her and Elizabeth will dance the first set with me."

With finality, he took his wife's hand and lead her to the dancefloor. Leaving Bingley dancing with his sister and Mr Hurst to dance with his wife.

Elizabeth could have chosen to be miffed, as he forgot to actually ask her to dance but the thrill of the opportunity to dance, won out. He might have foregone to ask her in the fear of another rejection and chosen to give her no option. It would be their first time, dancing together as Darcy had rejected her on the night they met and Elizabeth had rejected him, a few days later at Lucas lodge.

Darcy put Elizabeth's right hand on his shoulder, his right hand on her waist and held her other hand while twirling her around the room. Elizabeth found the waltz less scandalous than she had expected, it was no worse than "_Jenny's market_".

Not a word was spoken, but Darcy's eyes never left hers while he confidently led her through the basic steps. Elizabeth possessed both grace and a quick mind, Darcy speeded up the circling motions until Elizabeth felt like she was floating in a strange dizzying kind of fashion. The loud clapping of the master jolted her back to the present and his praise was high indeed. Advising the other couples to follow their example.

When the set ended, Elizabeth was spellbound as Darcy raised her hand to his lips and kissed it.

"Thank you, dear."

Elizabeth felt her cheeks grow warm and suffered the loss of speech but was able to deliver a radiant smile before changing seat with Georgiana.

It turned out that Georgiana was not quite the fast learner and Elizabeth remained at the pianoforte for the rest of their lesson.

Elizabeth managed to control her temper around Miss Bingley until the visit was almost over but on the last evening of their visit, Caroline crossed the line and released Elizabeth's fury.

She might have been able to rein it in, had it not been the same evening that Darcy had chosen to show Georgiana the Darcy jewellery which he had given all of, to Georgiana. Elizabeth did not mind the fact that Georgiana had been given the prized possessions. She had never craved any elaborate pieces to adorn her person, it was the way it was done. In front of their guests, to show and perhaps to make it widely known, that the master of Pemberley did not put aside any for his wife which was a snub it was hard to overlook.

The hosts and guests were enjoying a quiet moment, the evening before the Bingley party would leave for London. They might have extended their stay, if not for the fact that Mr Darcy was also leaving. He was off to Derby on business that could not be delayed as he had gotten an express that afternoon with the particulars.

Charmingly grouped with the men nursing a tumbler of brandy by the fire and the ladies spread out as Elizabeth was reading, Mrs Hurst was embroidering a reticule and Miss Darcy and Miss Bingley were having a whispered tête-à-tête.

Elizabeth guessed they were discussing (gloating) over the illustrious gift that Darcy had bestowed upon his sister but Miss Bingley was not proficient in whispering and made a comment that made Elizabeth's head, snap up from her book and exclaimed rather loudly:

"What!"

"It is a private conversation, Eliza." Miss Bingley raised her chin a sniffed in disgust.

"Firstly, I have not given you permission to address me by my Christian name and it is very likely that I never will.

Secondly, if you want to have a private conversation, it is the established mode to do that, out of earshot of the person of whom you are maliciously gossiping about."

Mr Darcy jumped out of his seat and joined the ladies.

"Come now, Elizabeth. Georgiana know not to gossip, I hardly think..."

Elizabeth cut him off before he reached the end of his sentence.

"She seems perfectly comfortable with listening to it. By the by, what have you told _your_ friends is the reason for our marriage? I would really like to know as _your _sister and her friend seems to believe that _I_ threw myself at you by entering your chamber in my birthday suit. I suggest you either tell them the truth or at least remove their perception that I instigated the debacle. You know very well I had no choice in the matter."

Elizabeth had to draw breath and Darcy took advantage of the moment of silence.

"Your mother...!"

Elizabeth gasped.

"I have no more control over my mother than you have over your sister.

They are individuals with minds of their own and free will to use them. Whether they make sound decisions or not, are entirely up to them. All I can do is advise and direct but I cannot control what she says nor alter the past. What I _can_ do, is to control my own behaviour. This!"

Elizabeth's forefinger shifted rapidly, pointing between herself and the torso of Mr Darcy.

"This! You and me, Mr Darcy. That is for life. As long as you and I both live, it will be you and me, together. I did _not_ expect a warm welcome when I arrived at Pemberley but neither did I expect to be insulted and disrespected by my own family or my guests. I expected to work towards, to earn respect and perhaps with time, we could form a friendship, as we are bound together for all eternity. I did not choose you and you certainly did not choose me. I am sorry you are stuck with someone barely tolerable but that is the cards that life has dealt you. How you deal with it is up to you. I am determined to have a..."

Elizabeth turned away from Darcy and gazed out of the window.

"If not happiness, at least contentment."

Her voice turned to a barely audible whisper.

"If Jane is looking down at me from heaven. She should not bear witness to her death, causing me a lifetime of misery. She taught me goodness and kindness of heart, the lessons did not go unheeded. I want to honour her with not wasting what the Lord has granted me. I want to experience all the things that she never got the opportunity to..."

Her eyes watered and she pressed her lips together to prevent herself from crying as she let her eyes meet Darcy's again. He stood stock silent with a bewildered expression. There were no sounds in the room while they stood looking into each other's eyes for several long moments. Searching for somewhere in the depths of their opponent's soul to lay down an anchor. Darcy averted his eyes first and asked his sister to accompany him to the study. Elizabeth picked up where she left off in her book and when the Darcy siblings did not return for a while, the rest of the party broke up and retired.

Nothing was mentioned of Elizabeth's outburst at breakfast the next day and she felt only relief when she waved her guests' goodbye. Miss Bingley had not sent any snide remarks in her direction but neither had she been civil. Elizabeth thought wryly that it was at least an improvement.

Darcy left for Derby soon after and informed his wife and sister that his business might take more than one day.

He would spend the night as travelling back and forth would take up too much time. It was not a great distance, thirteen miles or so but the time would be better spent concluding his business.

Waving goodbye for the second time in an hour did not bring the relief from the first goodbyes as Elizabeth had not had any private moments to discuss matters with her husband. He had not come to her chamber that night but she guessed that he had moved to the adjoining chamber as a great commotion came from the room in the middle of the night. It did not last long but come morning, the number of maids and footmen scurrying to and fro, told its own tale.

Elizabeth had plenty to do though and was not left in idle thought for long. Mrs Reynolds had finally thawed and involved her mistress in all and sundry.

Just as much to teach Elizabeth the goings-on in a great house as the actual need for help. The mornings were particularly busy as neighbours were now pouring in from all directions, to view and appraise the new mistress of Pemberley. Elizabeth was cognizant that these were potential friends as well and met them all with a warm welcome. It was easy to discern who had potential, who came to satisfy their curiosity and who came to find fault in the new mistress, typically the young ladies of marriageable age or their mothers.


	6. Chapter 6

**5 Return to Serenity (**Testament**)**

It was Darcy's second day away on business and Elizabeth went to look for Georgiana to find out if she could shed some light on when he would be expected home. It was drawing late and Elizabeth wondered if she should withhold dinner or not when she came upon her new sister, crying her eyes out.

Full of concern she embraced Georgiana but did not speak, fully expecting to be shrugged off and she wanted to determine her welcome before putting her foot in her mouth.

"I cannot do it anymore!"

Elizabeth stroked Georgiana's hair away from her face so she could see her red, puffed eyes.

"There, now I can see your beautiful face. What exactly is it that you cannot do anymore."

Georgiana drew a shuddering breath before she whispered.

"Hate you."

"No, I suppose it is a difficult task, I am, after all, quite loveable... Or at least, that was what Jane used to tell me when I lamented on my lacks and my talents towards the impertinent. Do you have to hate me then?"

Elizabeth had had her fair share of melodramatic moments with her younger sisters and knew that they needed to be gently lead towards reason, preferably infused with humour, to shorten the event.

"I swore to hate you for all eternity."

"Who on earth made you make such a ridiculous promise? Oh... do not tell. Let me guess... It was probably Mr Pederson, he is the vicar of Kympton and does have a connection with eternity. I have heard he is Danish, probably related to the barbaric Vikings."

"I know you are trying to make me think of something else Eliz... err, Mrs Darcy but I need to apologise."

" You may call me Elizabeth, we are sisters after all and I will listen."

Georgiana started on a rather long tale of how her brother had come home from Hertfordshire in a rather morose state and Miss Bingley, who came to visit a few weeks later, had explained that he had been caught in a trap by a country nobody and was forced to marry a woman who brought nothing to the marriage.

Which Elizabeth acknowledged as true, she had nothing to bring.

"My brother confirmed that you did not have a dowry to speak of nor connections or rather, your connections were undesirable even. Including your mother and sisters lack of propriety, even your father was mentioned."

Elizabeth was too stunned to comment, she could not manage to find her tongue in the short break in the conversation before Georgiana forged on.

"I automatically concluded that you yourself must lack all decency to trap my brother, who is known for his ability to avoid all cunning ladies with great success.

He is so shy you know. He does not lack confidence in any other areas but with the ladies, he is insecure. He told me recently, as a way to comfort me in a troubled time, that he always suspect the ladies to want him for his wealth and status, not for himself. He knows that people perceive him as dour and he admitted to me that ladies look him up and down to assess his tailor bill. I read in the paper that Beau Brummel believes that it takes 800 pounds to make an outfit, they probably want to see if his coffers are worth the inconvenience of marrying my brother."

Georgiana took a moment to rest to gather her thoughts.

"Well, they are wrong you know, he is not dour when you get to know him. He is the best of brothers, always takes care of my welfare before his own. He is a fair landowner and master, he is looked up to wherever he goes.

Miss Bingley even says he is very handsome and that made me believe she could see him, for himself. That was until the night before their departure..."

The silence stretched on but Elizabeth waited patiently for Georgiana to finish her story before commenting. She sensed that she was not entirely finished, besides the aforementioned apology had not been delivered.

"The last night of the Bingleys visit. Miss Bingley went to my brother's chambers and lay in his bed, waiting for him to retire.

You can imagine the horror of my brother when he discovered her there. He immediately moved to the master's chamber. He had kept his old room after father passed, to be closer to me. I had very bad dreams for a couple of years and he could not stand it if he would not awaken to comfort me. He is the very best, there is no competition at all. But I digress...

Caroline Bingley is a vile woman, entering the chambers of a married man is despicable. I am so sorry I believed her tales, to my defence, I believe even my brother was somewhat persuaded that you had done him a great a wrong. It made us unwelcoming to you and you certainly did not deserve that. Could we start anew? Please!"

"Oh my! That was quite a story, Georgiana. I would very much like to start over. We do need to get along, I have no friends nearby and I would dearly like to have one but you can decide that when we have gotten better acquainted. Let's start with your lessons for now.

When do you suppose your wayward brother will be home, it is close to dinner time and he is nowhere to be found. Do you know when he is expected?"

Georgiana wiggled her eyebrows and laughed at Elizabeth.

"Well, he is on Darcy time... A couple of days might very well be a week, he is an intelligent man and very fastidious on being on time but not so accurate on the calculation of when he will be finished. He is always too optimistic in the time spent to accomplish a deal or conduct negotiations.

Luckily he is more adept in timing the agricultural dealings on the home farm or we would never have a crop to harvest."

Georgiana giggled and Elizabeth smiled indulgently at the ambivalence in her husband and rejoiced that the ambience was much more pleasant through dinner than it had been.

The next morning, there was still no sign of Darcy but there was a family crested carriage on the way, although it was not Darcy's crest. By Georgiana's squealing, it was not someone who was not welcome but Mrs Reynolds looked far from calm which was disconcerting enough in itself.

"Who is it, Georgiana?" Georgiana looked incredulously at Elizabeth.

"It is my aunt and uncle, Lord and Lady Matlock. Probably my cousins as well, Viscount Cromford and his wife, the Viscountess but if we are really lucky, Richard is with them. He is a Colonel and my guardian which is a chore he shares with my brother."

Elizabeth did not get the chance to ask any more questions as they hurried to the entrance, where they arrived as the front door opened and an older, distinguished-looking gentleman entered.

"Uncle!"

Georgiana beamed but dropped into a deep curtsy. She waited until all the guests had entered before making the introductions.

It was apparent to Elizabeth that Lord Matlock was not a man to trifle with, he had a strong presence, even before he had uttered a word. The viscount was a little washed out and in the shadow of his more remarkable father, his wife was very beautiful and knew it.

The Colonel had his fathers presence but not his looks. A couple of inches shorter than Darcy, who was a very tall and broad-shouldered man but she suspected that he would not stand a chance against the colonel.

His lack of height, notwithstanding, the barrel-chested man had the appearance of the strength of an ox and would be a formidable opponent on the battlefield as well as in the drawing rooms in London. He wore a smile that Elizabeth could not decide if it was indeed a smile or a smirk, neither was he particularly handsome.

The last person to enter was Lady Aubrey, a mature lady that had not lost her beauty with time but the first thing Elizabeth noticed was the warmth in her eyes.

While the viscountess had looked her apparel up and down and obviously found her lacking. Lady Aubrey had searched her eyes, Elizabeth felt exposed but not uncomfortable.

She escorted the new arrivals into the drawing-room and sent for refreshments. It became apparent that they were planning to spend a few days at Pemberley and Elizabeth discreetly ordered their rooms to be readied when she spotted two, curly, blond little heads, sneak-peaking behind the door. She went to the door and crunched down to greet the mischief-makers.

"Have you lost your nanny perhaps or are you just lost?"

The two little angels jumped back and scurried towards a prim, young woman, looking like she was ready to scold. The viscountess sighed but Lady Aubrey came to the rescue and invited the nosy twosome into the drawing-room. She addressed Elizabeth for permission first which Elizabeth happily granted. It was nothing like a couple of adorable children to break the ice. Introductions were made and Henry Fitzwilliam, Lord Matlock was without a doubt, the head of the family.

Montgomery Fitzwilliam had married Annabella nee Cavendish who was the mother of Cavendish age five and Henrietta age three. The viscountess was not the daughter of the current duke as he had no children, nor was she the daughter of the previous duke but a younger brother of the previous duke who had joined the military and was now a general.

It was not lost on Elizabeth, the irony that they shared an aunt in Madeline Gardiner. She was the daughter of the previous duke's uncle who was the seventh son and had taken orders.

The connection to the dukedom was therefore slim and not generally known in Hertfordshire nor London as her aunt preferred it that way.

In this context though, Elizabeth thought it wise to mention the fact as she had very little else to satisfy the onslaught of questions, directed her way.

"Bennet? I knew a Bennet at Cambridge. He was a couple of years younger than me so I did not know him well but he was a quiet, scholarly sort of man. He had a dry wit though and a keen intellect which he proved on many occasions on the debate team. I wonder if he might be your father, Mrs Darcy? What was the name of the estate... Longhorn?"

"It is Longbourn, near Meryton in Hertfordshire."

"Yes, that was the chap. Longbourn was of a modest size if I remember correctly but he had some connection to the German nobility."

"Yes, my grandmother was a Mecklenburg but she was cut off after marrying my grandfather, who was considered beneath her in station. It was quite a scandal in its day and a connection I doubt queen Charlotte would recognise. It amused my grandmother greatly to have me and my oldest sister presented though."

"You have been presented to the Queen? Well, that eases a lot of my worries..."

Lady Aubrey looked at Elizabeth with a renewed respect and Elizabeth was slightly chagrined that she had now mentioned the only two, very slight connections she had, in order to gain approval from Darcy's relations. It was not the kind of behaviour she normally appreciated in others and not the traits that mattered much to herself. A simple "yes," was all she could manage to reply in her embarrassment.

As the unexpected visit from the Matlocks were not enough, the neighbours kept pouring in and when Darcy finally returned a week after he had left, Elizabeth was tired and feeling not a little bit grumpy, to be abandoned at such a stressful time.

It did not help that she was instructing Georgiana at his time of arrival. He had not been pleased, encountering his wife and sister with half of a pig in the kitchen. Elizabeth thought it prudent to know where each part of the pig was situated and with additional information on texture and use. Georgiana's countenance had admittedly a slightly green colour but she swore she was fine when Elizabeth asked. Mr Darcy was not impressed and expressed it in his study afterwards.

Darcy was obviously upset because of the unexpected visitors and that she had been educating his precious sister.

"Do you mind that I am teaching your sister how to run a household?"

"Do not be ridiculous Elizabeth, of course, she needs to learn. I would have preferred to be conferred on the matter though. I might have had some advice or guidance to offer."

"Like what?"

"To bring in Lady Aubrey's expertise for example."

"Would you like Lady Aubrey to handle Georgiana's education of running a household? She is conveniently present to ask."

"No. I suppose you can handle the matter." Darcy admitted grudgingly.

"You are annoyed with me, is it my presumption in usurping Georgiana's lessons or is there another reason you are displeased with me?"

"I am not displeased, I would prefer to be informed on matters regarding my sister in advance, that is all."

Darcy stomped off which belied his previous statement.

'He is definitely not pleased, wonder what I have done to bring it on. Probably a number of things.' Elizabeth shrugged and went in search of Mrs Reynolds to inform her that the master was back from Derby.

The feeling that something was off, did not relent.

Darcy came to her chambers at night but never stayed and their interactions had changed, not that Elizabeth was capable of explaining it, it was just something she felt.

She tried valiantly to remember exactly what she had said, the last night of the Bingley's visit. 'What could have offended him...' She could not tell but perhaps it was that his choice had been taken away from him or the fact that he was in it for life and regretted the fact.

Surely, it could not be the greeting she had remembered to deliver, from a lieutenant in the militia that claimed an old acquaintance with her husband but his conduct afterwards had been peculiar, not to forget, Miss Darcy's...

She had looked crestfallen and Darcy had dragged her to a private alcove and interrogated her on the encounter.

Innocent as it had been, in the parlour of her aunt Phillips, delivering some eggs from her mother. She had no way of knowing that her aunt was entertaining a few of the officers in the militia that morning nor had she any interest in them, in mourning as she was. The feeling that he was excessively angry with her, did not relent though.'

Darcy was getting more reasons to be annoyed the next morning when lady Matlock dragged both him and Elizabeth to the study, immediately after breakfast.

"What can you mean Darcy, by letting the neighbours visit such a drab looking Mistress of Pemberley."

She looked Elizabeth straight in the eyes before continuing.

"No offence Elizabeth but your old gowns is not representative of your new station. They are several seasons old, visibly mended and ill-fitted. You will be judged by your apparel as well as your ability to run this household and to be the leading lady of society. It will not reflect well on you Darcy, people might think you are in need of retrenching "

Lady Aubrey turned her ire back to Darcy.

"When were you planning to rectify this situation?"

Darcy returned her look with a stormy expression that did not seem to deter Lady Aubrey at all.

"She has her pin money, the first quarter have already been paid and it is in the strongbox in her study."

This was news to Elizabeth, who had winced at the word paid, as she was one of his employees.

"Good, how much is it?"

"50 pounds." Lady Aubrey eyed Mr Darcy until he looked away.

"I see..."

The silence was deafening.

Lady Aubrey turned to Elizabeth.

"We will go to Matlock, the seamstress in the village is competent enough for the country but you will need to visit Bond Street when next you are in London. I will make an account in your husband's name which he will pay, no matter what the amount."

Lady Aubrey turned back to Darcy and deftly excused Elizabeth from the company who left without argument.

Elizabeth was entering the dining-room with some trepidation that night but it soon became obvious that Darcy had in fact been honest with Lady Aubrey, who treated her with much more warmth. Lord Matlock also seemed to have mellowed slightly which made Elizabeth certain that he had been informed of the circumstances surrounding their marriage as well.

The viscount and his wife, Elizabeth knew where she had, politely on an arms-length but the Colonel was giving her something to ponder.

Jovial and outgoing, she still sensed that it was more to him than what he let on. They were having an amicable conversation on light subjects as music and books and the improved ambience lightened her mood to almost, its previous vivacity.

Plans were made for the coming shopping excursion to Matlock. The thirteen miles were making it convenient for a day trip with the daylight stretching long into the evening and the Matlock's would leave them while Elizabeth would return home.

Elizabeth was telling the Colonel of her aunt and uncle's trip to the North in July when Mr Darcy interrupted.

"Why do you not invite them to stay at Pemberley. I understand they were going to visit with some friends in the neighbourhood. It would be convenient to stay here. Besides, I have business in town and will be away for, at least, a few weeks. Since the temperature gets unbearable in London in the summer, I suggest that you and Georgiana stay here and I will be able to conclude my business much quicker if I can avoid any social commitments which would be unavoidable if you were coming with me."

Elizabeth covered up her surprise and acquiesced to the plot but wondered at Mr Darcy's heightened colour, his ears were practically glowing.

"What a lovely suggestion, I will write to them and extend your generous invitation."

"Think nothing of it. It will be a comfort to know you ladies are being properly entertained while I am away."

"You will be on Darcy-time then? May we expect you back in a few months?"

Elizabeth's eyes twinkled with mirth, in fact, her whole being sparkled for the rest of the evening. The thought of her closest kin to come visit were soothing her ruffled soul.


	7. Chapter 7

**6 Elastic State of Mind (**Highasakite**) **

The whirlwind that was "Lizzy Bennet" ran through the hall and flung herself around her father's neck.

"Papa! I did not expect to see you so soon, why did you not write to tell me you were coming?"

The old man staggered backwards and only a will of iron prevented him from falling on his back.

"And ruin the surprise? I think not! In fact, I might never inform you of upcoming visits when I get such an exuberant welcome. I believe they treat you well though, my Lizzy. You must have put on at least a stone. You almost knocked me over, my dear."

Mr Bennet hugged his daughter in a tight embrace.

"Do not be ridiculous Papa, I am still light as a feather."

"You believe that if it gives you comfort Elizabeth."

Mr Bennet winked at Mr Darcy and bowed at Miss Darcy.

"How are you all faring, perhaps you would like to tell me in the library, I have heard so much about?"

Elizabeth knew it was her father's way of letting her know that he had noticed that she had lost weight, not the other way around. He did not want a maudlin conversation about it and used sarcasm to avoid it but still make it known he had noticed.

Elizabeth lead her father to the library and rang for tea, before settling around the warm hearth. Mr Darcy and Miss Darcy opted to give the father and his daughter some privacy and did not follow.

"How are things at home? How is mother?"

Elizabeth had left home with some trepidation. It had taken Fanny Bennet the two days, up until the funeral for the truth to sink in but when it hit, it hit full force.

The exuberant and vivacious Fanny was no more, they were left with the shell of the mother they had once known.

Quiet and withdrawn, not wanting to let any of her daughters out of her sight as a moment of neglect would rob them from her. She had not come to terms with Elizabeth's departure for the North either and had wanted to postpone the wedding.

By then, Elizabeth wanted to flee the mausoleum that had once been her home and had opposed rather forcefully. Her father had supported her as he well knew that the marriage had to proceed or they would be ruined.

"Your mother is the same Elizabeth. Who would have thought I would actually miss her exuberant ways but I find I prefer it to the melancholy that has descended upon her. That is not what I came here for though...

You know my cousin, the dreaded heir that will inherit Longbourn when they carry me out, feet first...

He was supposed to have come last fall but opted to postpone the visit until the mourning period was over."

Elizabeth was all curiosity.

"Well Papa, how was he? I remember his letter sounded both obsequious and pompous which is a rare feat indeed. And what _did_ he mean by an olive branch?"

"Patience my child, I am getting to it. He was in every way as ridiculous as his letter suggested, which seemed to suit your sister Mary admirably and they have married."

"Married?" Elizabeth was all astonishment.

"But, but I would have wanted to be there... How could they have already married?"

"With great haste!" Mr Bennet chuckled.

"Do not frown Elizabeth, as your mother used to say, it may become a permanent feature.

It was nothing scandalous, I can assure you. It was the patroness of Mr Collins, the great Lady Catherine de Bourgh of Rosings in Kent, who wanted him married post-haste, even though he should choose one from the Parrish but she had previously mentioned the Christianity in choosing one of his cousins and Mr Collins did the great mistake of following the Lady's first advice, rather than the second.

She was most seriously displeased, almost as much as when she came by Longbourn in the spring but were denied access due to our mourning.

Mary will have to read her some scriptures to set her right I suppose, I believe Mary might have just enough stubbornness to win the battle.

If not, they will have to move in to Longbourn a little early. If you have any pointers towards an interfering lady of the peers, might you be so good as to write them down in a letter Elizabeth? I am not ready to hand over the estate just yet."

"I have not had the pleasure of an introduction to a Lady Catherine de Bourgh but Kent is rather a long way from Derbyshire. I will write a letter to Mary and wish her happy. Have they relocated to Kent then?"

"Yes, they went straight after the wedding breakfast."

"Mama must be pleased that she is safe from the hedgerows?" At that Mr Bennet shook his head sadly.

"I believe she only sees it as another daughter lost to her. Kitty or Lydia will probably never marry as she does not let them out of her sight. They are both full young to be out, so I have humoured her on that account."

The tea and refreshments arrived and Elizabeth poured her father a cup and made him a plate with an assortment of cake and biscuits.

"Now, you may make yourself scarce Elizabeth, I am sure you have duties to perform and let your father peruse this magnificent library without interruption."

"Yes, I have something to do. Like getting a room for my unannounced guest. Make yourself comfortable and ring the bell by the door if you need anything. I will come and collect you when your room is ready."

Elizabeth left the library and ran straight into her husband who was pacing just outside.

"What is your father doing here?" Elizabeth raised an eyebrow at that question.

"He has come to see if his daughter is well settled and to deliver the news of my sister Mary's marriage to the heir of Longbourn."

"Marriage? They are already married?"

"Yes. So it would seem." At Mr Darcy's quizzical expression she chuckled.

"Oh, do not fret. It was nothing scandalous, only a meddling patroness that believes that a parson should be married to perform his duties properly.

He is currently holding the living at Hunsford in Kent and blessed with the patronage of the great Lady Catherine de Bourgh of Rosings Park."

"Really? That is my aunt you know..."

"No, I did not. What a coincidence, small world, isn't it?"

"Yes, I suppose so. Have you met her?"

"No, I have not. Although she did come to visit Longbourn in the winter as we were in mourning, we were not receiving any visitors..."

Elizabeth trailed off and since no more conversation was forthcoming, she curtsied and went in pursuit of Mrs Reynolds to accommodate her father.

Mr Bennet stayed only a few days as he was on his way to Blackwell to visit an old friend from his university days, who had the first edition of Henry Fielding he could not do without.

He promised to visit her at a later date when she least expected it. The library was, after all, the most beautiful room he had ever beheld.

The rest of June flew by, uneventful. Darcy spent a couple of weeks in London but came back at the beginning of July, only to leave again, two weeks later.

Some business deals were taxing him, as well as his involvement in the new frame-breaking Act who had gotten its royal assent on the 20th of march. Creating new and harsher penalties for Luddite behaviour.

Darcy owned a mill in partnership with Mr Bingley and the bill had not had its intended effect on the riots. He wanted a different approach and he was using his power and status to influence the matter.

Elizabeth was not too heartbroken while seeing him off as the Gardiners were expected to arrive in a couple of weeks. She had a matter of import to discuss with her aunt, that she could not raise with anybody else.

The beginning of August brought balmy weather and the long-anticipated visit of the Gardiner's.

Peace settled in Elizabeth as she greeted her favourite relations. She had lots of questions but they would have to wait. Seeing to their comfort after the gruelling travel in the heat of summer, had to take precedence.

The Gardiners were in awe of the interior of Pemberley who they previously had only seen from the outside.

"You have a beautiful home Elizabeth, who would have thought the little scamp of Longbourn would be mistress of such splendour."

"No indeed. I would personally prefer a little smaller home but as Mr Darcy refuses to demolish a wing or two, I must be satisfied with the current size... Please follow me, I have placed you in the family wing."

Impatiently awaiting the Gardiner's to refresh and rest before dinner, Elizabeth settled with Georgiana in the music room, practising her fingering in a duet with her sister.

It was this lovely picture of felicity that the Gardiner's met when they entered.

"What an upstanding performance, may we be indulged with another?" The jovial Mr Gardiner was very fond of music.

"Perhaps a little later uncle, dinner is almost ready and I want to introduce you to my new sister.

Miss Darcy, this is Mr and Mrs Edward Gardiner of London, my uncle and aunt. Aunt Madeleine, uncle Edward, this is miss Georgiana Darcy, my sister."

Introductions, out of the way, Elizabeth lead her entourage into the dining room for an elaborate meal, fit for a Lord. She wanted them to feel welcomed and appreciated.

It would be morning before Elizabeth had a chance to speak to her aunt alone. Madeleine Gardiner caught up with her on her pre-breakfast stroll in the gardens and she led her to a stone bench to sit down.

"Have you any news for me Elizabeth?"

"How can you tell?"

"I have experienced it four times, I know the signs, besides, you are starting to show. It will not be long until it is common knowledge."

Elizabeth gasped.

"By the look on your face, I surmise that you have not told anyone yet, not even your husband?"

"No, I wanted to make sure. I did not want to write to mama in case I was wrong. She does not need any more troubles, as she is barely coping with the ones she already has.

I did not want to add to her burden if it was a false alarm. As for Mr Darcy, I would feel utterly stupid to raise his expectations, if there were none to be had. He has a bad enough impression of my inferiority, I would loathe to add to it."

"Does he tell you that you are inferior or are you conjecturing up sorrows based on your own misgivings?"

"A little of both actually, I do not think I have figured him out yet. He is an intriguing character to study though."

"And what have you come up with so far?"

"He is confidently insecure, shy, honest, taciturn and he takes his responsibilities very seriously. He loves his sister and he is a good brother, landlord and employer."

"But how does he treat you, Elizabeth?"

"I do not know... He is distant and aloof during the day. Never confer with me on anything of import, does not see the need to inform me of his comings and goings, nor that we are expecting guests."

"But, I sense a but Elizabeth."

"He is not cold and aloof at night nor the early mornings," Elizabeth whispered, red-faced and clearly uncomfortable. Madeleine Gardiner chuckled.

"No? That speaks well of him then."

"Have you ever considered that he might be a private man? Or that he is used to making his own decisions?"

Elizabeth pondered a little at that before answering.

"No, I guess not."

"Does he leave the household matters in your care or do you have to run everything by him to be authorised?"

"No, he lets me take care of household issues, our social agenda and he has entrusted me with educating Georgiana on the subject of running the house."

"He is confident in your abilities to run his house, despite the fact that you come from a significantly smaller estate?"

Elizabeth was starting to feel a bit chagrined by the turn of the conversation. Why had she not thought of it for herself? She had sworn to make the best effort in making her marriage work but had she really been looking to find faults?

"Yes. I suppose he is."

Madeleine touched Elizabeth's arm lightly, to stop her from worrying her lips as she was want to do when troubled.

"Is he tender with you when you are alone?"

"Yes." Another barely audible whisper.

"Although it was awkward at the beginning, I suspect he did not have any experience."

At this statement, Elizabeth blushed bright red.

"Really, but how...?" Mrs Gardiner did not seem to find the words to go on.

"My mother! She did instruct me with military precision. If not, I do not know..."

The conversation had reached the state of unbearable awkwardness and the ladies returned to their stroll with a lot to ponder and little to no conversation. It was not until they reached the door that Mrs Gardiner entreated Elizabeth to tell her husband before he would get the news from anybody else which Elizabeth agreed to do at the first opportunity.

Having been left with a lot to rethink and evaluate, Elizabeth saw that she might have been a little remiss in her dealings with her husband. She thought that she had reached out to better their relationship but in truth, she had held back. Watching him and not given more than she got. It was only one way to rectify that and that would require her husband's presence. As he was away on business and his letters, in addition to previous experience, told her he would not be home for weeks, she had to go to him...


	8. Chapter 8

**Note:** This is the last chapter in Elizabeth's POV only and the plot thickens...

**7 Nothing breaks like a heart – (**Miley Cyrus**)**

Elizabeth had not felt sick nor had she had any of the usual discomforts of expecting, apart from the metallic taste of everything she ate, for a couple of days early on.

Considering herself extremely lucky, she ordered the carriage for the day after the Gardiner's departed for the Lake District and set out in the opposite direction, to London.

Mrs Reynolds probably had her suspicions and was strangely cognizant of Elizabeth's need to join her husband and promised to take care of Georgiana while she was away. Mrs Annesley was finally on the mend and would do her part in keeping her sister occupied.

The reason for Elizabeth leaving Georgiana behind was purely selfish. Having spent very little time alone with her husband, Elizabeth was on a crusade to do all that was in her power to rectify her previous mistakes and nothing was going to stop her.

The first telltale signs of that here might be misgivings was not long in coming. The jolting of the carriage made Elizabeth sick to her stomach and she felt bad for the footmen, driver and her maid, who suffered a much longer journey than were usual for dry summer travelling.

Not to forget the gruelling heat in midday, made it uncomfortable for the horses as well. They needed plenty of watering and rest which never coincided with Elizabeth's need to empty her stomach.

On the fourth day of a two and a half-day journey, Elizabeth started to seriously question her sanity in entertaining such a ludicrous idea as to travel while increasing, in the heat of summer.

The fifth day, Elizabeth flatly refused to stop until they reached Darcy house in London. She was sick and utterly exhausted by the lack of both sustenance and sleep.

All that mattered was reaching the house before dark, in which they nearly succeeded. It was no more than a dusk light when the carriage entered the cobblestones in front of Darcy house on Grosvenor Square and Elizabeth wanted nothing but to fall asleep in a comfortable bed, after having a sip of water to moisten her dry throat.

A footman handed her out of the carriage and Hannah supported her mistress up the front steps. It was close to midnight and the house was quiet as Elizabeth entered the door.

Bewildered, the butler who had never met Elizabeth came striding down the hall and Elizabeth suspected she would have been tossed out on the street, had he not recognised the Pemberley footmen that followed.

"Would someone please ready the mistress chambers? I apologise for coming unannounced but it cannot be helped. I need a bed and a glass of water. The rest can be dealt with on the morrow. For now, I just want to sleep."

The butler led her to the library, where there were still embers in the fireplace and a couple of lamps were still lit. The butler left her a glass of water before disappearing up the staircase. Linney followed to make sure that everything was done properly.

Elizabeth gave them what must have been the better part of half an hour before deciding to walk up to the first floor and see for herself, what could be keeping them. She was genuinely concerned they would make too much fuss and eminently delay her getting some much-needed rest.

The glass of water had restored her marginally and she ascended the stairs, entered into a well-lit hallway with a number of doors to choose from but no one to guide her in the right direction.

Listening by each door to make a qualified guess to where they were readying her room, she finally found one where creaking noises could be heard. 'Good, someone is making up my bed,' Elizabeth thought as she opened the door and entered...

Big mistake!

Elizabeth let her eyes travel the room. No maids were in sight, it was clear that she had entered the wrong room when her eyes were arrested by the most horrible scenario she could ever have imagined.

In the middle of the room was a massive, four-poster bed. In it was her husband, under him she could make out the form of a woman.

Wavy blond locks, fanned out on the pillow while a bejewelled hand ran down her husband's back.

She could not see her face but conspicuously enough, she could tell she was well endowed in the areas where Elizabeth was not.

Elizabeth's breathing came out in loud, convulsing gasps and her husband head turned towards her with anger, clearly written on his face.

'_So farwel Hope, and with Hope farwel Fear_.' (Paradise Lost, John Milton)

Elizabeth regained her sense and fled. She ran down the stairs, tears streaming down her face.

She did not even notice the colonel standing in the shadows.

Scrambling down to the pavement, the carriage was not there. She ran around the house to the mews, where the carriage was still standing but the horses had been unharnessed and were being tended to.

"Get the horses. Wait! Take fresh ones."

She entered the carriage and waited for the horses to be harnessed. 'Where to go? The Gardiner's would be the first place Darcy would come looking for her if, in fact, he would come after her at all...

Longbourn would be next and Hunsford parsonage abutted Rosings and Lady Catherine, not an option...'

Two undeniable truths hit Elizabeth in the gut at once.

There where only one place in the entire world she could go, and the fact that she loved her husband.

Such unbearable pain could only be inflicted by someone you loved beyond reason, no matter how little they deserved it...


	9. Chapter 9

**8 Searching high and low - (**AHA**)**

Darcy froze when he espied his devastated wife in the doorway. She was the last person he had expected to see when he heard the door open and someone gasping for air. He watched her swirl around and run out the door but was unable to move.

A dainty hand touched his cheek and gently turned his head back from the empty doorway. She said something but Darcy could not comprehend what it was at first.

"Who was that?"

Darcy jumped off the bed as if burnt and started pacing the floor.

"Come back to bed darling?"

The beautiful blond beckoned him back but Darcy felt sick. 'What had he done? Become his father? Flaunting his lady friends in front of his wife like they were trophies?' He could not abide by her presence for another second and fled to his dressing room and flung on what he could most easily grab and dress himself.

A rather unkempt Darcy rushed down the stairs and the Colonel met him at the bottom.

"Where is she?" The colonel eyed him wearily.

"Your wife or your paramour?"

"Do not be daft, my wife, where did she go?"

"I have no idea..."

"My lord Richard, do not play with me at this moment, I beg you... Did you see her come down the stairs?"

"Yes, I do not believe she saw me though. She looked rather distressed. Wonder what could have upset her so, it is not good you know, to get that upset in her condition." Darcy looked, incomprehensively at his cousin.

"Why did you not stop her?"

"And said what? Please take some tea in the green parlour while I fetch and dress your husband? Or perhaps, let me entertain you until he is finished?"

"I understand that you do not approve of my actions Richard. Believe me, neither do I. But I need to find my wife, please help me, Richard!"

By now, Darcy was shouting and Richard had to calm him down but not before giving him a last jab in the gut.

"I will help you find her Darcy, she went out the door but the carriage had already been removed so I guess she could have fled in either direction. We will have to take one each, I doubt she has gotten very far though. She looked utterly exhausted.

I will go with you on one condition Darcy. Tell me, how could you do it? After watching your most beloved mother, wither under the strain of a wandering husband, he even fathered Wickham for God's sake! Did you think, _great_, that worked out well for him? Or did you not think at all..."

"Leave it, Richard, I know what I have done but I did not choose Elizabeth. I would never have chosen her if I had an option. It was forced upon me by a scruple-less, conniving, matchmaking mother."

"Really Darcy! You are more obtuse than I ever gave you credit for. You could have walked out of that little situation in Hertfordshire with not a scratch to your lacquer.

Elizabeth would not have fared quite as well but that could not have given you a moment's hesitation, could it? Wonder why your non-existent honour made you do the right thing by her, think about that when you search the streets of London alone tonight Darcy. I believe you can manage to muddle along, nicely on your own. Good night!"

The Colonel would not abandon the search for Mrs Darcy but he did not mind Darcy thinking that he did.

"I must awaken the footmen, driver and stable hands, they may aid me in the search."

"Yes, you do that Darcy. Surest way to get your disgrace to be all over town by morning, alert the servants, that will do the job nicely."

Darcy was left pulling his hair while the Colonel walked briskly out of the house. As he rounded the house to get his horse from the mews, Darcy walked briskly down the street towards the park.

'Not a bad option,' the Colonel thought before he spotted the carriage being readied for departure. He heard a rap on the carriage roof and the driver shouted: 'Where to, Mrs Darcy.'

The answer gave him peace though and he thought that Mrs Darcy had made a wise decision. It would be the last place Darcy would go looking for her and they needed time apart. Well, at least the dolt head Darcy needed it. Mrs Darcy probably needed to cool off a little as well, before the growling would have the desired effect.

Satisfied that both Darcy's were on the right track, Richard headed for Matlock house. It was no way he would want to enter Darcy house anytime soon and certainly not as long as the doxy was in residence.

Darcy entered the park, searching without real purpose having no idea of which direction his wife might have taken.

After a few hours of futile search, he dejectedly returned home. Mr Smith, his butler, was still up and waiting for him, his lady friend had left.

Elizabeth's carriage was missing and no one was able to tell him its destination. He was even more shocked when a chagrined Mr Smith admitted that her lady's maid was not with her, neither were the footmen that had followed her from Pemberley. Only a driver, was not in residence.

Anger surged through Darcy's veins but he was going to direct it towards the one that deserved his wrath, mainly, his wife.

Waking bright and early the next morning, he set out for Gracechurch street as early as propriety would allow him to visit.

A maid opened the door and informed him that the Gardiner's were not at home, only a few servants were present in the house. The Gardiner's were travelling the Lake district but were expected home in a few days time.

Darcy cursed under his breath for not remembering that the Gardiners were away. The thought of Elizabeth hiding there entered his mind and he asked the maid if he could borrow some writing material to write a message to Mr Gardiner. The maid easily acquiesced and lead him into a well-organised study, offered him the writing supply and waited in a polite distance for him to finish his note. He could detect no artifice nor nervousness in the maid and concluded that she had nothing to hide.

He once again returned to Darcy house and ordered a horse to be saddled and a bag for one night to be packed. As soon as they where readied he was off to Hertfordshire.

The 21 miles to Longbourn were done in three hours, including a stop in Edgware for a meal for himself and water for his horse. Arriving in the afternoon made an overnight stay very likely, but it could not be helped. His horse would need the rest.

Mrs Hill opened the front door of Longbourn and announced Darcy to the mistress of the house and her two remaining daughters in Longbourn's parlour.

Darcy's first glance, as he bowed to his new mother, made him actually glad that she could not see his face until he had managed to hide his surprise.

The matron had aged at least a decade since he had first met her, last autumn. She seemed so forlorn that Darcy felt an instant sympathy towards the woman he had previously despised.

When he came to think of it, he had not noticed her during his wedding either, which were in itself strange as Mrs Bennet had made her presence known last autumn, whether he wanted to or not.

"Hill, send for Mr Bennet. I am sure he would want to greet Mr Darcy. Welcome Mr Darcy, please be seated. Would you like some refreshments after your travel?"

"Yes, I thank you, Mrs Bennet. That sounds lovely."

It suddenly occurred to Darcy that he could not come flat out and ask of his own wife's whereabouts. That would certainly seem odd to her parents and sisters.

"I will tell cook to make a tray while Hill is fetching papa."

Kitty jolted Darcy out of his reverie and went in the direction of the kitchen. Lydia was eying him suspiciously and he was sure an impertinent question would soon come his way.

"Is not Lizzy with you?"

'Yes, definitely impertinent.' Now he just had to come up with a plausible explanation for his unexpected arrival to Longbourn as it was clear as a day that Elizabeth was not here.

Preferably with some haste as the silence hung heavy in the air. He was granted a few more moments of frantic thought as Mr Bennet entered the room and greeted him jovially.

"Mr Darcy, what a pleasure. How is my Lizzy, not tired of the rocks and mountains of Derbyshire just yet, I would imagine? Besides, the Gardiner's must have visited recently. That would set her up nicely for a few weeks, I am sure."

Darcy deliberately omitted the question about how Elizabeth was doing, he was after all, not able to answer that with any kind of truthfulness.

"She is at Pemberley as the Gardiner's were expected when I was called away to London on business. I believe the Gardiner's have ventured further North by now. I am heading home soon and wondered if you had some letters for her that I could bring home with me? I also wanted to congratulate you on your daughter's marriage, it must be a great comfort to have her so well settled."

"Oh, how gracious of you Mr Darcy. It is very hard for a mother to part with her daughters, you know. Especially when they settle so far away."

Darcy wanted to argue that Mary had settled so far away but the thought of Elizabeth arrested him before the words left his mouth.

"I have a letter you could bring Mr Darcy or even better... Perhaps you could take me with you?

I long for a trip and I was invited by the Gardiner's to go to Derbyshire with them this summer but mama would not let me."

Lydia sent a poorly disguised scowl at her mother.

"That is out of the question Lydia!"

Darcy was very surprised it was Mrs and not Mr Bennet who had objections to the scheme.

"I am afraid that would not be possible this time, Miss Lydia. I am not going to Pemberley directly as I have business that I had planned to conclude along the way. Besides, I do not have my carriage with me."

That was a small lie since his business was in the opposite direction of Pemberley but other than that, it was the truth. He could not very well tell them, that he was on a hunt for his wayward wife that obviously, was not particularly interested in being found.

An invitation to spend the night was issued and accepted.

Darcy spent the rest of the evening in Mr Bennet's study, only emerging for the meals. It was an evening pleasantly spent with perusing Mr Bennet's intriguing collection of books and insects.

Mr Bennet, being similarly bent towards books and away from the idle conversation, made them part on amicable terms the next morning. Mr Bennet returned to his study, Mr Darcy turned towards Kent.

The fifty miles to Rosings turned out to be much more gruelling than the leisurely twenty-one of the previous day. While yesterday had been cloudy, the sky was blue and the sun was nigh on unbearable at midday. Opting to spare his horse the worst of the heat, they took a long rest. It was a stretch, even on his magnificent Arabian, to go for fifty miles without changing his horse.

It was past supper when an exhausted Darcy reached his aunt's house. She was none too pleased to see him as he had thwarted her expressed wishes and married someone other than her daughter. He could not tell her the real reason for his visit and he was forced to entertain his miffed aunt and cousin for the rest of the evening.

As soon as he had broken his fast, he was off to the parsonage, under the disguise of visiting his newly married sister.

The Collins' welcomed him with open arms and a lot of obsequiousness. Being served and praised beyond anything he had ever encountered, he left with a foul taste in his mouth and the certainty that his Elizabeth was not here either.

Beaten and dejected, he went back to Rosings and headed straight for his room. He needed to think. 'Where on earth could Elizabeth have gone?' The thought of Lady Aubrey's staunch defence of his wife suddenly entered his mind.

'Why had he not thought of that when he was still in London? Lady Aubrey would not put two fingers together against the opportunity to put him in his place.

Being so much like his father in looks, although more of his mother in character, he reminded her of his father. The man that had treated her best friend abominably. Perhaps he was more like his father in character as well...

He could well remember his father bringing his ladies, even to his chambers at Pemberley and his mother putting on the facade of indifference. It was the main reason he had delayed for so long to move to the master's chamber, Georgiana's nightmares had only been a convenient excuse. He had honoured his vows to his mother about abstaining before marriage while missed completely on his vows to his mother, Elizabeth and God to stay faithful.

It was Elizabeth's fault for awakening the beast in him. His own words, not Elizabeth's, although she would think it an appropriate appellation, to be sure.'

She was so brave, trying to guide him in a dance that was as unfamiliar to her as it was to him. She had probably had the advantage of some education on the subject from her mother but he somehow knew it was as much instinct as anything else.

Elizabeth was a naturally passionate woman. He could tell the difference now that he had had a taste of the opposite. The artificial and feigned experience of someone enticing but performing an act.

She had been beautiful though, more so than Elizabeth who was pretty but not beautiful in the fashionable sense. Too small, too darkly coloured, too thin and toned in comparison. He slowly admitted to himself that it was the thought of touching someone well endowed that had led him out on the dangerous path.

His need, nothing lacking in his wife but his curiosity of the unknown and his insatiable appetite. He had practically done her a favour in not subjecting her to that but found his pleasure elsewhere.

He was trying to justify the unjustifiable and he knew it...

A quiet and awkward meal was had in the evening before Darcy left at first light, the following morning. It rained buckets but he forged on until he reached Matlock house in London, wet to his skin with an exhausted horse. He would need at least a full day of rest before venturing out on another mission to find Elizabeth. Darcy prayed that it would not be necessary and he would find Elizabeth within the comforts of his uncle's townhouse.

"Heavens Darcy, what have you been up to. You look like an urchin."

"Good day aunt, you look fabulous as always."

"Do not act coy with me Darcy, what made you come to my house in this state. You dripping all over my Persian rug..."

"Where is Elizabeth?"

"She is not here Fitzwilliam ."

The sound of his Christian name hit Darcy in the gut and he fell onto a chair, resting his head in his hands.

"I have to find her...

I have done some despicable things and I have to make amends."

"I know Fitzwilliam. Richard told me about the incident at Darcy house. I did not believe that you had so much of your father in you, obviously, I was wrong."

"No!" Darcy jumped to his feet, pointing a finger at his aunt.

"I am nothing like him, I never have been and I never will be. I could never discard my own son for a bastard of unknown origin. I knew his mother, it is no way of telling if he were indeed the father. I would..."

"Perhaps not but how are you treating your sons' mother?"

"I do not have a son!"

"Yet..."

"What do you know?"

"Richard thought she looked like she was with child and my suspicions were confirmed when I spoke to her maid. Do not worry Darcy, I sent her after her mistress as soon as I had finished our talk. Apparently, Elizabeth took on the gruelling task of travelling in the summer heat while expecting, to tell her husband the good news. She had it confirmed after a visit from her aunt who has some knowledge on the subject. It is not like she had anyone else to confer with.

I understand that neither your sister nor Mrs Reynolds were particularly welcoming to her when she arrived, or else she might have had someone to ask at Pemberley.

Not that I believe your sister would have been of any use...

By the bye, she does not travel well in her condition and she was exhausted by the lack of sustenance and sleep when she entered London. Hopefully, she made it back..."

"Back? Do you mean that she is at Pemberley?"

"Close your mouth Darcy, it is very unbecoming and you are allowed to blink as well. I cannot say for certain but that is whereto, she ordered the driver as she left Darcy house. Richard overheard but was not able to stop her. Go home Fitzwilliam, plead on your hands and knees. She might still love you..."

"She..."

Darcy decided to shut up but studied his aunt intensely.


	10. Chapter 10

**9 The Winner of the losing game****(**Tone Damli**)**

Elizabeth waited in the blue parlour, the inevitable moment had come. She would see her husband after months of separation and she was not looking forward to it. The servants might wonder why the mistress of Pemberley did not greet her long lost husband at the door but the fear of the encounter made her wish for the moment to be private.

Darcy strode into the parlour and froze mid-stride. The bump on his wife's midsection was unmistakable on her otherwise slight frame. Particularly easy to notice as he regarded her profile as she stood gazing into the gardens unseeing.

"Welcome home," she whispered, barely audible.

"How long have you been home?"

The question came out harsher than he bad intended. Elizabeth visibly flinched, turned towards him, eyes flickering towards Mrs Reynolds who were waiting for instructions by the door.

"Since I last met you in London, sans the days it took me to travel here."

Feeling foolish, searching far and wide for her when she had been at home the entire time. Darcy's anger got the better of him and he spoke harsher still.

"I thought you were going to visit Longbourn..."

Which was not a falsehood as it was the first guess he had made after she had fled the disastrous night.

"I was but I got indisposed and would not have been good company, so I went straight home instead."

"Indisposed?"

Darcy's eyes went to involuntary to her protruding midsection with a deep frown between his eyebrows.

"Nothing unexpected under the circumstances, I did not want to burden you unnecessarily since you were so... occupied with your business affairs in London."

Her flickering eyes finally got Darcy's attention and he noticed Mrs Reynolds by the door.

"We will talk more about this later... Mrs Reynolds, will you order me a bath? I need to refresh myself."

He turned to the housekeeper who followed him out the door.

"It has already been seen to Master Fitzwilliam, the mistress ordered it ready, on hold, for your return and are being brought up as we speak."

Mrs Reynolds reverting to his childhood appellation did not slip Darcy's notice. She was displeased with him and he was certain he would know why, shortly.

Darcy took the stairs two at a time when a thought hit him like a punch in the gut.

Elizabeth had been nervous but that seemed only to involve the protection of their privacy against the servants. She had not been angry nor upset. If he was to be frank with himself, she had seemed utterly indifferent which in itself, was the single most painful thought he had ever had the displeasure of experiencing. His chest constricted as he fought for breath. 'It was too late. He was the winner of a losing game.'

Darcy entered his chambers, Mrs Reynolds had beaten him to it, having taken the faster route of the servants' stairs. She was ordering maids with pails of hot water and sent them away to get another round before closing the door to his dressing room.

Darcy steeled himself for what he knew would be a scolding. Mrs Reynolds had known him since he was a lad and the only one he would grant such a liberty. She wasted no time...

"Master Fitzwilliam, were you aware that we had to carry the mistress from the carriage when she arrived back from London?

She was bedridden for a week, not able to keep anything down and she came without her ladies maid nor a single footman for protection.

How could you, of all people, not see to her care properly?

Oh, she says you were not aware she was leaving, she did not want to burden you with anything since you were weighted down by your business but surely...

You could instruct your drivers that Mrs Darcy should not travel unescorted, she could have met with a faith worse than death by those sinister highwaymen, the Luddites or even gipsies have been known to venture into this area.

Not to forget the heir... Subjecting the new master of Pemberley to such peril, it is just not done. Your mother hardly left the drawing-room while she carried you. She was anxious that any harm could befall the babe she was carrying and right she was.

I have tried to reason with Mrs Darcy but she is adamant that it was the right thing to do. She is afraid to get in your way like you are not able to conduct your duties while your wife is in residence, what utter nonsense.

I expect you to reason with her, I am at my wit's end. She even continues with her walks about the estate, not only the gardens mind you. I leave it to you, to meet with more success."

"You might be wrong about that." Darcy chuckled mirthlessly.

"Why? What have you done?"

"What makes you think that I have done anything?"

"Because I have never witnessed such utter despair as she was in when she arrived and I have seen a lot in this house... I suspected something was amiss and you just confirmed it."

The noise alerted them that the maids were back and Mrs Reynolds left Darcy to his valet's excellent care with a lot to think about.

Submerging himself in the warm water, Darcy wished that his tension would leave him but it would not.

Pondering what his life had become and what he could do to rectify it, did not help him in the endeavour.

Feeling the restlessness only intensifying, he got out of the tub, got dressed and went to his study to tackle the mountain of correspondence that had accumulated on his desk, during his sojourn to London.

It felt like punishment for his indiscretions and he went to the task with alacrity.

A few hours of familiar work would reset his equilibrium, it always had...

A soft knock on the door made him recognise his empty stomach and called "enter" but did not look up from his the letter he was writing. He was certain it was Mrs Reynolds, calling him to dinner.

"Please have a tray sent to my study, I have much to catch up on."

He knew he was a coward, postponing the inevitable but he could not face his wife just yet. It was like infection had festered in his chest, making it hard to breathe, whenever he thought about approaching her.

He had searched tirelessly for her but had not thought about what he would do when he found her. Talking was not his forte, he never seemed to find the right words. Action he could deal with but apologising, even for something he was guilty of, was inconceivable.

"I will see to it."

The voice that answered him was not Mrs Reynolds. Darcy looked up as Elizabeth was walking out of the study. He tried to call her back but she did not turn.

The pain in his chest grew and the maid that delivered the dinner tray, found her master sitting at his desk, looking vacantly into the air. She left the tray in front of him but got no response and left the study, not certain that he had noticed her presence.

The sound of music finally jolted Darcy out of his reverie. It had always been one of his great joys to listen to his sister playing the pianoforte. Letting the music wash over him, his legs took him towards the source. As he neared the music room, he became aware that it was a duet he heard. An erroneous note pierced his ear and a peal of musical laughter followed.

"I am so sorry Georgiana, my playing is even worse than usual tonight. Perhaps you should play and I should limit myself to singing as my fingers do not seem to be cooperating."

"Oh, do sing Elizabeth. Although I do not think you play all that bad, perhaps the babe is getting in your way?"

"No! You may not lay my poor playing on my innocent babe, Georgiana. I own my faults without disguise."

Georgiana laughed light-heartedly and asked Elizabeth what she would like to sing.

'Darcy wondered when his sister had gotten on such familiar and amicable terms with his wife.' The ruffle of sheets could be heard through the open door and the music floated out of the door towards a mesmerized Darcy but when lyrics reached him, his face started to crumble.

**The water is wide, I cannot get o'er****  
****And neither have I wings to fly.****  
****O go and get me some little boat,****  
****To carry o'er my true love and I.******

**A-down in the meadows the other day****  
****A-gath'ring flow'rs both fine and gay****  
****A-gath'ring flowers, both red and blue,****  
****I little thought what love could do.******

**I put my hand into one soft bush,****  
****Thinking the sweetest flow'r to find.****  
****I prick'd my finger to the bone****  
****And left the sweetest flow'r alone.******

**I lean'd my back up against some oak,****  
****Thinking it was a trusty tree.****  
****But first he bended then he broke,****  
****So did my love prove false to me.******

**Where love is planted, O there it grows,****  
****It buds and blossoms like some rose;****  
****It has a sweet and pleasant smell,****  
****No flow'r on earth can it excel.******

**Must I be bound, O and she go free!****  
****Must I love one thing that does not love me!****  
****Why should I act such a childish part,****  
****And love a girl that will break my heart.******

**There is a ship sailing on the sea,****  
****She's loaded deep as deep can be,****  
****But not so deep as in love I am;****  
****I care not if I sink or swim.******

**The water is wide, I cannot get over,****  
****There's no true love, at least not for me,****  
****My love was untrue but I can't complain,****  
****Some day I hope to love again**

(O waly, waly published 1724)

"_Most musical, most melancholy."_ (Paradise Lost, Milton) Darcy muttered as he fled to his chamber.

Elizabeth tired easily and by nine her yawns were no longer concealable.

"You should get your rest Elizabeth. I will retire with my new novel, I can hardly wait to finish it."

"Thank you, Georgiana, you are such a dear. You are mollycoddling me but I am too thankful to argue. Good night."

Elizabeth ascended the stairs, entered her chambers and was about to ring for her maid when disturbing, loud sounds came through the door between the masters and the mistress' chamber.

It took a while before she realised that the sound was a grown man crying... Her first instinct was to run to him but she froze, indecisively, with her hand on the door handle. 'Would he welcome the intrusion of his privacy?'

'Or more importantly, would _she_ be welcome? Why was he crying? Was this the mourning tears of a spurned lover, had his paramour left him?'

In the end, Elizabeth could not bear the gut-wrenching sound and entered his chambers quietly.

Darcy sat in a chair by the fire, bent forward with his head in his hands. His body was visibly shaking and the howling pierced her heart.

Tiptoeing, she gently put her arms around him, enveloping him from behind and lay her cheek to his very wet one. Darcy gasped before pulling her over his shoulder and down to his lap. Holding her tightly, with his head buried in the crook of her neck.

"I am so sorry! So sorry Elizabeth!"

Sobs wracked his body and Elizabeth stroked his hair, shushing him gently.

It was in the middle of the night when Elizabeth awakened with an acute need to use the necessary. They had fallen asleep in the chair. The irony that it was the exact same situation that got them into this mess in the first place, did not escape her. Only that the roles were reversed this time, _she_ was the one giving comfort.

It occurred to her that Darcy could not have been displeased or even indifferent to her at Netherfield. If it were so, he would have been able to walk away or let the maids sort it out. He must have felt some tenderness, what a revelation! But obviously not enough as her trip to London had painfully revealed.

Elizabeth tried to extract herself from Darcy's grip, without waking him up but was unsuccessful. When he stirred, she led him to his bed. Untied his cravat and removed his coat and waistcoat, pushed him gently down on the bed and took off his shoes. Laying down beside him, on top of the covers, she waited until he was asleep and went to the necessary.

On her way back, she found herself in the exact same position as before she entered the master's chamber. Her hand on the door handle, indecisive.

His breath had had the distinct smell of Brandy, he was probably not in his full senses. He would quite possibly be very embarrassed from his actions or might not even remember and question her presence.

This time, she did not enter but turned in to her own chamber and crawled under the cover. Fell instantly asleep, only to wake up at the crack of dawn. Restlessness spurred her into action and she could soon be found in the mistress study, tackling household chores with a vengeance.


	11. Chapter 11

**Note: **I do not know if you have noticed but all the chapter titles are songs that had the right ambience for the chapter. It was a fun diversion to search for something that fit and a welcome reprieve from the story my imagination had commanded me to write...

**10 Still Waters – (**Siri Nilsen**)**

When Darcy woke up, the sun was high in the sky, his head was pounding ferociously and he was bathing in his own sweat.

His arm went out, searching for his wife but Elizabeth was not there. 'Perhaps he had dreamt it...' It would not be the first time his unconscious state had conjectured up a tender moment between the estranged couple.

Noticing the neatly folded clothes on the wrong side of the bed, made Darcy certain it had not been a dream. In his inebriated state, he would never have folded his clothes and Grey would have put them in his dressing room.

Vague images of Elizabeth embracing him and curled up in his lap floated by in his mind. 'Could she have forgiven me, without any effort?

No! That was impossible. It was her compassionate heart that had rendered him some leniency in his darkest moment to this day.' He would have to watch her closely, to determine what her feelings were.

As it turned out, their paths did not cross before dinner time. By then, they were both convinced that the other was avoiding them and very little conversation was had. Georgiana was practically squirming in her chair due to the heavy ambience and excused herself as soon as the meal ended.

"I have some letters..."

"I need to..."

Both spoke at the same time.

"Please continue Mrs Darcy," Darcy gallantly offered.

"I need to check on Georgiana, she seemed somewhat out of sorts this evening, would you not say?"

"Yes, if you check on her tonight, I will have a word with her on the morrow."

Elizabeth curtsied and left, all the awkwardness of their polite exchange weighing heavy on her mind.

She went directly to her sister's chamber but Georgiana's maid informed Elizabeth that her charge had retired with a headache which left Elizabeth with little option but to follow her example.

Darcy spent a couple of hours, catching up on estate matters, with little to show for his efforts.

The state of his marriage, prominently in his mind, the ability to focus on the mundane was sorely lacking. His mood lightened marginally with the thought of incorporating Georgiana in his quest. 'Yes, Georgiana would know how Elizabeth was faring...'

The next morning, Elizabeth broke her fast alone, feeling abandoned by both husband and sister who must have indulged in sleeping late. Went on with her chores, with no conception of the big surprise the day would have install for her.

Darcy woke unusually late and was thankful for the company of his sister for breakfast. They ate in silence as Darcy had requested her presence in his study after they were finished and Georgiana seemed apprehensive to what that would entail.

Safely seated in the study, Darcy wondered at how to broach the subject without raising any suspicions from his sister. She was the last person he wanted to enlighten on the state of his affairs.

"How is your education on running the household coming along Georgiana? Is there anything you need or something I could be of assistance?"

"No, Elizabeth and Mrs Reynolds has the matter in hand."

Georgiana went silent without offering any elaboration.

"Are you happy or should I look for something more interesting for you to occupy your time. Perhaps visit a friend or perhaps school?"

"No! Please do not send me away."

"I am not suggesting anything of the kind Georgiana, I am just making sure you are properly cared for and to prepare you for your come out next spring."

"Do I have to come out next spring? With the babe coming, do you not think it might be too much for Elizabeth?"

"Why do you say that? Has there been any problems while I was away?"

Darcy could hardly believe his luck in the way their conversation was turning. Having a legitimate reason to enquire about Elizabeth being handed to him naturally.

"She was very ill in the beginning, she did not travel well and could not keep anything down when she got home. I am sure you know, as she must have been ill when she saw you in town. Mrs Reynolds was very worried about her, you know. Sent for the doctor and the midwife, Mrs Crawford, I thought she was on the brink of death. She could not walk and was barely conscious when she arrived back from town and footmen had to carry her to her chamber. I was so grateful it was a passing thing and nothing seriously wrong with her."

"You are getting along with your new sister then? She is treating you well?"

"Oh yes, we are growing quite close. She is so patient with me, never raises her voice or berate me if I make a mistake. I am quite content with her as a tutor, I am glad it is someone I am comfortable with."

"You do not know how that pleases me, Georgiana, I would not like to think that my mistake had inconvenienced you in any way."

"Oh no, quite the contrary brother. She is like the sister I always wanted and very funny too."

"No lingering grief of her sister then?"

"I am not sure, she rarely mentions her, I am embarrassed to say that I have not asked her."

Georgiana was biting her lip, obviously contemplating if she had been negligent towards her sister.

"It is not your place to do so Georgiana. I am sure she might prefer to talk about her with those who knew her, she is probably corresponding with her family on the matter."

"Are not _we_ her family brother?"

Darcy swallowed his gasp with great effort.

"You never met Jane and I was only introduced..."

"I guess you are right brother, I would have thought it sufficient to know the mourner. I do not know if she receives any mail from her family or friends from Hertfordshire, she has never mentioned it, perhaps I should ask Mrs Reynolds?"

"No, that will not be necessary."

"Brother?"

"Yes."

"I am very uncomfortable having inherited all the Darcy jewellery..."

"Why? Has Elizabeth mentioned it?"

"No. She does not seem to mind but what if the babe is a girl? You could buy her something new of course but that does not have the sentimental value of a piece that has been worn by generations of Darcy's..."

"You could give Elizabeth some of it if it would relieve your conscience."

"I tried but she would not accept it, can you please take it back? At least some of it to gift her at Christmas or her birthday? She cannot but accept it then..."

"Are you certain?"

"I am."

Georgiana spoke with a confidence that was new to her brother and rather rendered him in awe of his sister's newfound maturity. She had always been shy, insecure and easily lead which had raised his protectiveness but not earned her his respect. Elizabeth's influence had obviously benefitted his sister most profoundly.

Both siblings sat in silent contemplation for a while before Georgiana excused herself and left. Darcy rested his head in his hands as soon as his sister had closed the door. It would seem he had more to atone for than he initially imagined. How he could accomplish it or if it was even possible, was still a mystery though.

Georgiana was walking down the great hallway when she heard a squeal and hastened in its direction. As it turned out, it was nothing sinister, quite the opposite. Mr Bennet had deemed it time for another one of his surprise visits and was being welcomed by his daughter who now was walking serenely towards him.

"Papa, what brings you to my neck of the woods?"

"You, blossom! I came to see how you are faring."

"I am well, as you can see. How is mother and my sisters?"

"They are as they have always been if you deem that well, I cannot argue."

Elizabeth laughed and gave her father a hug.

"Mother is improving then?"

"I would not go that far, she is well enough but I am more concerned about you..."

"Me? Why would you be concerned about me? I am, at least, sending you an occasional letter to your information."

"Yes, yes. I know I am a horrible correspondent but I had a surprise visit that made me want to come and see for myself."

"Really? Who could that have been?"

"Your husband..."

"Really? I had no idea. My husband has just come home from an extended visit to town on business, I have not had the opportunity to learn all of his activities, yet..."

Elizabeth gave her father an insincere smile which did not fool him the slightest.

"Let's see if we can wriggle it out of him then, shall we."

Mr Bennet gestured for his daughter to proceed towards the master's study but Elizabeth had no intention of disturbing her husband.

"No, he is occupied with estate business after being away for so long, let us not disturb him. I would much rather you give me the news from home but first, we must get you settled and order a room readied. Are you staying long?"

Elizabeth led her father away from the study, luckily for Georgiana who was not inclined to be discovered eavesdropping. Not that she had learned anything of significance but she would have difficulty in explaining why she had not made her presence known, first and foremost because she could not even explain it to herself.

Elizabeth lead her father to the library and rang for Mrs Reynolds to see to his accommodation. That accomplished and Mrs Reynolds safely on her way to see to it, she levelled her eyes at her father.

"Why are you here papa?" Mr Bennet looked at his daughter thoughtfully.

"Your husband's visit left me with a sense of unease. I had to come look for myself how you are faring. I wonder if I might not have done right by you, last November."

Elizabeth grabbed her fathers hand and squeezed it while blinked back the tears that were forming in her eyes.

"I am fine papa. Really, I am."

"Your sparkle is gone Elizabeth."

Seeing her father frown made Elizabeth chuckle and square her shoulders. Making him feel guilty for something that could not be undone, held no appeal to her.

"I _have _been unwell lately, do not look at me like that... It is nothing serious, I am expecting the heir to Pemberley as you can probably tell. I was not able to keep much down, in the beginning, that is luckily improving by the day and I expect a full recovery in January. That news should at least cheer my mother but do not tell her it is a girl."

Elizabeth winked at her father.

"Well, that is excellent news that I am looking forward to sharing with your mother but tell what business takes a newly wedded husband away from his expecting bride when she is not feeling well?"

"Mr Darcy does not share his business with me but I _do_ know he is working on removing the new framework bill."

"I never saw Mr Darcy as a politician but I assume that would be important for a substantial landowner in the area."

"I do not think he has any aspersions in that direction, he is only concerned about the threat of a riot and is using his influence to find a better solution."

"That is admirable, I suppose."

"Yes, Mr Darcy takes his responsibilities most seriously."

"Good to know, Elizabeth. Good to know..."

Meanwhile, Mr Darcy was being appraised about Mr Bennet's visit by Mrs Reynolds and was grateful for the opportunity to prepare before encountering him at dinner. He went to the dining room with his stoic mask in place. The others were seated as he had procrastinated as long as possible in his study. Which made absolutely no sense, if he wanted to better Elizabeth's opinion of him but he dreaded the encounter with Mr Bennet.

As it turned out, he had no reason to worry about his surprise visit being mentioned. They all seemed intent on enjoying the spread as conversation was sparse.

After the meal was consumed, they transferred to the music room. Elizabeth and Georgiana both entertained on the pianoforte. Elizabeth's skills had vastly improved since she left Longbourn, so many month's ago, and her father was eager to praise her advancement, as well as her new sister's superior skill.

Father and daughter continued with Mr Bennet relating the news from Hertfordshire to his daughter but excused himself early, claiming exhaustion from his travels. Elizabeth escorted her father to the footman by the door where she was politely excused from his company. He would manage to find his room by himself.

A little deflated, Elizabeth went to a window, overlooking the darkening gardens. Hugging herself with slightly hunched shoulders while rubbing her hands up and down her arms.

Darcy would have given anything to a preview of her thoughts but as it was highly unlikely she would be amenable to share, he chose to visit her chamber that night instead which did nothing to settle his fraying emotions.

The usually warm and inviting Elizabeth was nowhere to be found and had been duplicated with someone similarly looking but definitely not warm nor inviting.

As he entered her bed, he could feel her stiffen under his touch. She obviously avoided touching him back and made no of the sounds that used to drive him wild. He still could not quench the urge to finish, nor avoid caressing her little bump when he had.

"When will you lay in?" Elizabeth gasped at the moment his tentative fingers grazed her stomach and her breath remained uneven.

"At the end of January, I believe."

"So soon?" He felt more than saw her withering glare in the darkened room.

"One might wonder if there will be siblings born simultaneously who could usurp her birthright."

"What!"

"What the bloody hell do you mean by that?" Darcy felt his blood boiling and jerked his hand from her stomach and sat up, facing his blathering wife.

"No need to use that kind of language with me, Mr Darcy. Since you are so efficient, I cannot help wondering if there are another, or perhaps several others..."

Darcy was on his feet in the blink of an eye.

"This is what you think of me!" Darcy bellowed from the top of his lounges.

Elizabeth turned away from him, although he could hear no sobs, her shaky intake of breath, told him she was on the verge of crying.

"I never... That is to say... I did not go through with it, not completely. You need to have no worries on that account."

"That was not what I saw when I entered your chamber in London. I saw it with my own eyes, Darcy, you do not need to prevaricate to spare my feelings or whatever reason you deem necessary to uphold my _maidenly sensibilities. _I am not and never was, oblivious to the ways of men. I know it is common for wealthy men to keep mistresses and visit brothels. You were forced to marry me, a woman you did not even find handsome. I understand but do not lie to me."

"I am not lying!"

Darcy roared on the top of his lungs.

"Deceit of every kind is my abhorrence!"

"Really! I suppose telling your wife you are off to London on business, was not a lie? I must check my dictionary, I was unaware business was synonymous to the beast with two backs...

You are as self-righteous as Ambrosio!"

Darcy remained motionless on the floor, Elizabeth was silently crying, although she had turned her back at him. The telltale signs of her body shaking were prominent. He was also sure that she had long wanted him absent. He shook himself into action, flung on his banyan and fled the room. Not to his chambers though, his study with the decanter of brandy held more allure at the moment.

Entering his study, he went straight for the decanter. Downing one tumbler of the warm liquid he refilled his glass instantly.

'He should not have done it! Losing his temper, shouting at his wife, heavy with his child...

How had it come to this, how had he turned in to his father? Hurting the ones he cared about the most. His father had not been a good husband when his mother was alive and his profound grief after her death had hardly garnered him any sympathy from his son. If he had shown a slither of that kind of emotion towards his mother before her passing, it would have been a different matter entirely.

Reverting back to the troubles he himself had caused, he could not make it out. He had never met another woman who could make him as deliriously happy nor as livid with anger, as Elizabeth did. She made him feel alive but his firm belief that she had somehow tricked him into caring for her... No marry her, yes marry her was the right word.'

A complexity of emotions washed over him, regret, shame and despair. Another tumbler of brandy was emptied and a third was poured.

'He had to make it right, he was not a cad, not really. He was stupid and misguided... How he could have listened to Caroline Bingley's rants about the inferiority of his wife when she was a tradesman's daughter herself, was rich indeed.' Darcy snorted in self-mockery.

'What a fool I have been...' His business trip to Derby had soon turned out to be something entirely different. The young and beautiful widow, that had enticed him with her bountiful assets. He had thought himself righteous in his quest to uncover what other secrets of the flesh he had missed out on, having deprived himself of the pleasure for his entire life. Marriage had shown him its gratification and he had regretted not indulging himself sooner. Believing most men of his station would have had an abundance of experience before entering the married state. He thought he could make up for the loss, after the fact.

He had a penchant for breasts... He did not know of course, until he had touched one and the craving to touch another had hit him like a summer storm. With the element of surprise and overwhelming force, it assaulted his senses and he had let passion rule him. Agreeing to meet the luscious lady when next in town. An opportunity had been long in coming but she had showed up at his doorstep on that faithful night and he had succumbed to his urges like a five and ten-year-old pup in heat. 'How utterly humiliating!'

Darcy groaned and washed down his third brandy and filled the fourth.

'What luck that Elizabeth had come at the right time, or else he would have been in even deeper troubles than he was. He could have begotten a child out of wedlock, no one deserved to be born a bastard. His experience with Wickham had taught him that.'

Elizabeth had a pleasant breakfast with her father, Mr Darcy glimmered with his absence. He might have eaten early and left on estate business or languished in bed, Elizabeth had no idea. With Georgiana there as a sister and the company of Mrs Annesley in addition to her father, it felt almost like a breakfast at Longbourn.

After they had had their fill, Mr Bennet was unceremoniously dumped in the library, not that he minded and Elizabeth could do her household chores undisturbed. Her head was deep in the account books when Mrs Reynolds knocked on her door.

"Enter."

"I am sorry to disturb you Mrs Darcy but a carriage has been spotted at the gate."

Elizabeth looked up from her books and noticed Mrs Reynolds was wringing her hands.

"I was not aware we were expecting company."

"Neither was I, I suspect nobody was aware..."

"Who could it be that has you so unsettled Mrs Reynolds? Surely it cannot be the Prince Regent that is gracing us with his company."

"No, it is worse... It is Lady Catherine, Mr Darcy's aunt from Kent. It cannot be good news, I can tell you that."

"Lady Catherine... Oh yes, the late Mrs Darcy's sister, it cannot be that bad..."

"She wanted Mr Darcy to marry her daughter..."

"Oh... Well, we cannot leave her on the portico. I highly doubt that will give Mr Darcy's esteemed aunt a favourable impression. Let us welcome her to Pemberley. By the bye, where is Mr Darcy?"

"He is indisposed..."

"Is he taken ill?" Elizabeth looked worriedly at Mrs Reynolds.

"No, not exactly ill..."

"Then we should summon him to greet his aunt."

"If he has sobered up..."

"Really?"

Elizabeth's eyebrows shot up and a light chuckle escaped her. She somehow struggled to see the proper Mr Darcy, so well into his cups that he left his faculties but she had not pictured him atop of another lady either.

The thought immediately reined in Elizabeth's mirth and it was a serene mistress of the house that entered the foyer and curtsied deeply to the heavily adorned lady that was rushing through the door.

"Where is my nephew?"

"He is indisposed your ladyship, may I help you?"

"Who are you?"

"I am Mrs Darcy, your ladyship."

The elderly lady scrutinised her person and obviously found her lacking, by the frown on her forehead.

"You can be at no loss to why I am here..."

"I cannot account for the honour at all, your ladyship."

"A rapport of the most alarming nature just reached me and I immediately set out to make my sentiments known."

"I do not understand?"

"Not only is my nephew flittering across the countryside, looking for his wayward wife but he is gallivanting through the floozies in town. I will not stand for it!

The Fitzwilliam name is suffering the worst scandal of all times and it is all because of you and your inferiority. If he had married _my_ daughter, he never would have needed to stray within the first months of his marriage. You are a disgrace that cannot even keep your husband in your bed for the honeymoon."

Elizabeth heard Mrs Reynolds gasp and belatedly remembered that the housekeeper and several of the footmen were present. Cursing herself for not removing the furious lady into some private quarters.

"What is this ruckus Elizabeth? I wondered for a moment if your mother and younger sisters had arrived, with all the screeching."

"Papa, this is Lady Catherine De Bourgh of Rosings Park in Kent, Mr Darcy's aunt. Lady Catherine, Mr Thomas Bennet of Longbourn, Hertfordshire."

Elizabeth was well aware that the Lady had not asked for an introduction but she hoped she might overlook this little breach of etiquette.

The matriarch and patriarch made a civil curtsy towards each other.

"Now, what has that rascal of a nephew of yours, done. Please enlighten me."

The usually so easily amused Mr Bennet squared himself into his full height and scowled at the interloper. She, on the other hand, was not easily intimidated.

"My nephew! What about _your_ daughter? This would not have happened had he married someone from his own sphere."

"She is a gentleman's daughter, I am a gentleman, Mr Darcy is a gentleman so far we are equal." Boomed Mr Bennet, his baritone voice reverberating off the walls and two things happened at once...

Mr Darcy was descending the stairs while his wife fled out the door. Darcy went after his wife but Mrs Reynolds beat him to it. He had worried she would set off into the vast parkland of Pemberley but he found her bent over the railing, losing her accounts. Mrs Reynolds speaking soothing words into her ear and holding back the hair that had escaped their pins. Mrs Reynolds saw him and waved him away with a fierce scowl and a hand gesture. Darcy retreated into the hall and the battle of wills that were fought therein.

"Aunt, Mr Bennet, please accompany me to my study for refreshments."

He eyed a footman who immediately set off to perform the unspoken order. He guided his angry relatives to his study and took his seat behind his desk.

"Please be seated."

Darcy had a splitting headache and was in no mood for negotiating but found he had little option.

He had at least accomplished to get whatever they were quarrelling about, out of the earshot of the servants. Not that he did not trust his staff but he preferred to set a good example himself, for good conduct. Which these two was proving difficult to maintain, although the air seemed to have left them by the time they had taken a seat.

Mr Bennet appeared deep in thought, while his aunt was loading her canons.

"Fitzwilliam, your mother would have been ashamed of you!"

By strike of luck, or perhaps another force, his aunt had found the words that would hurt the most. Darcy lowered his head into his hands and prayed she did not mean what he dreaded, by that statement.

"I know."

"I would never have thought that the day would come where I rejoiced in the fact that you did not marry my Anne but it has come. I will not stand by and watch you destroy the good name of the Fitzwilliam family. If you have to sow your wild oats, for heaven's sake Darcy, be discreet. Do not drag your whores to your house! The servants talk you know, no matter what you pay them, they talk."

"Gossip! Idle gossip is that what have you so riled up? What about _my_ daughter?" Mr Bennet looked from Lady Catherine to Darcy.

"What have I done? I thought you were a decent fellow Darcy, snobbish and high on the instep but decent. I even suspected you to have some tender feelings for my Lizzy, more the fool me. Oh, what have I done? I am so sorry my Lizzy. I should take her home with me."

Mr Bennet was beaten man, shrunken into his chair, head in his hands.

"No!" Darcy was up on his feet, pacing the floor, running his hands through his hair.

"You were not wrong. I had tender feelings for your daughter, I just did not realise it at the time. I will make amends. I do not know how but I will make amends..."

Darcy sat back down, massaging his temples. His headache had risen to an excruciating level and he felt ready to lose his accounts in the same manner he had just watched his wife.

Mr Bennet threw him a withering glare a stalked out of his office, Darcy had hoped his aunt would follow suit but that was not to be.

He sat silently, listening to his aunt's rant on everything from matrimony to lose women and family obligations.. He had never felt so wretched in his life, nor as deserving of the wretched state. He took it like the man he was, a man lying down.

Elizabeth did not come down for dinner that night, her chair stood glaringly empty. Mr Bennet pronounced his imminent removal the next day which caught Darcy unawares. He had thought he would be staying to torment him or watch over his daughter, either way – same result but him leaving so soon, baffled Darcy.

He did not know that his wife had begged her father to go home. She could not stand the thought of him being privy to her downfall, she convincingly told him she was fine. He was not fooled but sensed her need for solitude and granted her, her wish.

Lady Catherine stayed only one more day but filled the day with recrimination and chastisement. By the time she left, Darcy was utterly exhausted.

He was only given a week of reprieve before his Matlock relations descended on them, the viscount and his viscountess were not with them but Richard was. It was not with much pleasure he welcomed them to Pemberley, they knew too much and he was not in the mood for another lecture.

Lady Aubrey however, was a sensible lady. The rigid tension in the house was lifted somewhat by her coaxing Elizabeth to begin planning the harvest ball, some weeks ahead. There was another more urgent need that became obvious to the great lady and that was Elizabeth's need for wider girth in her gowns.

A trip to Derby, with an overnight stay at the Inn, was necessary and planned. Georgiana and Mrs Annesley were invited along and accepted with alacrity.

The day of departure was everything promising, bright blue skies and dry roads made the journey liveable for the still fragile stomach of Elizabeth and spirits rose with every mile they put between them and Pemberley.

Derby was by no means London but compared to Lambton Matlock or even Meryton, the selection of merchandise were a vast improvement.

Several millineries', haberdasher and miscellaneous shops were to be explored and Elizabeth bought several yards of fabric to sow baby clothes, blankets and linens.

Even the before so dreaded visit to the modiste went exceedingly well. Several warm winter gowns with the opportunity to expand with her growing belly were ordered.

The modiste was a Yorkshire born and bred, with a broad accent and a warm and happy disposition. She reminded Elizabeth of Linney, her lady's maid which made her take an instant liking to her.

Feeling comfortable with the lady who did the poking and prodding with the needles, made the experience immensely more pleasurable and it was an exhausted but content Elizabeth that followed her relations into the Inn for a midday refreshment.

"I hope you do not mind Elizabeth but I have invited a lady to join us for dinner this evening.

I was hoping for your opinion on the lady as I have a feeling she might suit my Richard."

"Oh, matchmaking are we?" Elizabeth chuckled good-humouredly.

"Perhaps..."

Lady Aubrey took on an air of indifference that would have given her a permanent spot on Drury Lane if she had the inclination.

"Richard is not getting any younger and with the right inducement, he might resign his commission..."

Elizabeth lay her hand on Lady Aubrey's.

"It must be terrifying to have a child at war."

"It is!

I cannot stomach him taking another assignment abroad. He came back wounded the last time and I swore I would do everything in my power to stop him from entering into war again. If he married the right lady, he do not need to go into another battle but could settle down with a wife and children.

I have found this wonderful lady. She is beautiful and very accomplished, she was widowed only a few months after her marriage, poor thing. No children though, I believe her husband was already ill when they married. She has mourned her husband for well over a year now and are rumoured to be amenable to start looking for a husband. She has a dowry of fifty thousand pounds."

Elizabeth gasped at such a fortune.

"Is that the common price for a second son these days?"

Lady Aubrey laughed lightly.

"Yes, I suppose it is. At least for a son of mine Elizabeth. He is of prime stock after all."

Georgiana joined their quiet laughter which only rendered her a small frown from Mrs Annesley.

"Now, let us partake of this feast before us. We need our stamina for the rest of the day. Elizabeth, you will need to order some winter boots as well. It is not certain you will be able to travel when the winter sets in and it is better to be prepared a little in advance than not at all."

"Yes, your ladyship."

"Oh, do not 'ladyship' me. Save that appellation for my sister. I heard she visited, tell me, has she adapted some manners since I last saw her?"

Seeing Elizabeth grow uncomfortable, Lady Aubrey quickly changed the subject.

"Or what say you, Georgiana, to this delicious pastry? I dare say not even my cook could have produced any finer."

Elizabeth was thankful she did not need to answer Lady Aubrey as thoughts down that path, was not happy ones. Instead, she asked Georgiana if she needed a new pair of winter boots as well and sooner rather than later, they were yet again strolling down the main street. A couple of tired-looking footmen following their lead.

After the necessary purchases were finished, they even had time for a few minutes in the bookstore. Elizabeth picked up a book of poetry by William Blake and treated Georgiana to a new sheet of music.


	12. Chapter 12

11 Jolene (Dolly Parton)

A half an hour rest was all they had time for, before dressing for dinner at the Inn.

Lady Aubrey had rented a private parlour for their use and Elizabeth was quite relieved, not to be having her meal in the busy common room. The day had taken its toll on her and she found she was even more tired than she thought when she finally had the opportunity to relax.

Mrs Jolene Barnstable was a very beautiful lady, Elizabeth thought as the lady was introduced to the occupants of the room.

Fair hair and blue eyes like Jane, tall and willowy but bountiful at the same time. Elizabeth thought she looked like she was around the same age as Jane as well, perhaps a year or two older, at the most. She even had a cherub quality to her countenance that reminded her of her eldest sister.

She might do very well as blackmail to make the Colonel leave the army life. She suspected the colonel was a couple of years older than her husband which made him more suited to a mature lady than a seventeen-year-old debutant.

The ladies sat down at the table and footmen started to ladle their plates with the soup for starter.

"Thank you, that is enough. I am a light eater."

Mrs Barnstable waved her bejewelled hand over her soup to hinder the footman from adding another ladle.

Suddenly Elizabeth's throat constricted and she fought to draw breath.

"Elizabeth! What is the matter, you have gone quite pale?"

Elizabeth barely heard lady Aubrey over her own pounding heart as she buried her face in her hands.

"Is it the salmon Elizabeth? Are you feeling nauseous again?"

Elizabeth managed a perceivable nod, before fleeing the room. She did not stop before she was outside and had rounded the corner into the back garden where she emptied her stomach in a bush.

The Pemberley coachman had witnessed his mistress mad dash for privacy and had a fair idea on what was to follow. Spotting Mrs Annesley, he guided her in the direction of his mistress.

"Oh, you poor darling. Let me help you..." Mrs Annesley moved to aid Elizabeth with her hair but Elizabeth waved her off.

"Please ask the coachman to ready the carriage."

Mrs Annesley put her shawl around the still retching mistress who was now only dry heaving as her stomach seemed empty.

"Please make my excuses to lady Aubrey and Georgiana."

She could not make herself include the wretched interloper in their midst.

"If Lady Aubrey would be so kind as to convey yourself and my sister home on the morrow, I would be eternally grateful."

Mrs Annesley had her own thoughts on the subject but went quietly on her mission.

The coachman had already started to harness the horses as he had some experience with the mistress in such a state.

Mrs Annesley thanked him for his foresight and went inside to speak to Lady Aubrey and her charge.

Lady Aubrey was immediately opposed to Elizabeth travelling alone and at the late hour but was somewhat placated by Mrs Annesley's willingness to go with her.

It was quickly decided that Georgiana would see to the packing of her trunks and bring them on their journey home the next day. No need to slow down the carriage that would need speed to be home before the night went completely dark...

Mrs Annesley took charge that both sustenance and water were added to the carriage with a load of blankets and heated bricks. As Elizabeth was handed into the carriage, she started to shiver violently and Mrs Annesley tucked her into a couple of blankets.

"Where to Mrs Darcy?"

"Home, as fast as you can manage."

Elizabeth suddenly realised that she meant Pemberley. It had become her home, in good times and in bad...

By some miracle or sheer exhaustion, Elizabeth did not retch anymore after the carriage started its journey towards Pemberley. She fell into a peaceful slumber and did not wake before Mrs Annesley nudged her slightly, announcing they were on Pemberley soil.

James, the coachman, offered to carry Elizabeth inside but she was having none of it. Mrs Reynolds came hurriedly to Mrs Annesley aid and together, the two mature women managed to support their mistress into the house and upstairs to her chamber. The master had heard the commotion and stood awkwardly in the door.

"What is happening here, I thought you were staying the night."

Elizabeth wrenched towards the sound of her husband.

"Get out!" She looked wretched, tears were streaming down her face.

"I will when I have been appraised of the matter at hand."

Elizabeth became visibly agitated but had to double over the chamber pot as the retching returned with full force. It was Mrs Annesley who gently lead her master out in the hall.

"Let us give the mistress some privacy. It will do no good to agitate her further until this bout settles down."

"What happened in Derby to set off this illness."

"We believe it was the salmon, Mr Darcy. It might be wise to inform your cook of the event and ask her to refrain from having salmon at the table until the mistresses have had the babe... In fact, I will go directly myself."

"But what about Georgiana? Is she with you?"

"No. Lady Aubrey offered to convey Georgiana in her carriage on the morrow. There was no need for them both to brave the hazards of driving at night."

"Thank you, Mrs Annesley, for tending my wife, securing my sister and informing me of the events."

Mrs Annesley set off towards the kitchen while Linney, Mrs Darcy's lady's maid, came rushing out the door. She scowled at him but set off after Mrs Annesley, without a word. Darcy paused but he had to own up to some responsibility for the mistresses current predicament and left it at that. He fled the horrible sounds that came through his wife thick door, it was unbearable to witness.

The Matlock carriage was spotted at the gate around midday the next day and Darcy and Richard gathered in the foyer to greet their charge.

Georgiana came practically skipping through the door, obviously content and unworried. She gave both her guardians a hug while describing her new winter boots, sheets of music and a shawl she had purchased, in minute detail.

Elizabeth was descending the stairs on the arm of Mrs Reynolds, looking pale but determined to welcome her sister and aunt home.

Darcy was studying her intensely when her mouth fell open, her eyes widened before they rolled back in her head. In slow motion he watched her legs give in.

Mrs Reynolds struggled to right her mistress but she was not strong enough. Elizabeth tumbled down the few steps remaining and landed with a thud on the black and white marble floor.

Darcy was by her side in an instant.

"Elizabeth!" He tried to jostle her lightly to wake her up but she was not responding.

"Send a rider for the doctor Mrs Reynolds. Perhaps the midwife as well..."

Darcy gathered Elizabeth in his arms and picked her up off the floor. An angry red bump was forming on her forehead. He turned and froze midstride when his eyes were arrested by a familiar fair-haired beauty.

His eyes narrowed at the interloper, anger flashing in his eyes. An event that did not go unnoticed by Lady Aubrey and she gasped in understanding.

Georgiana was turning hysterical though and Lady Aubrey had to focus her attention on calming the distraught girl.

Darcy turned and ascended the stairs, bellowing for Linney to come to her mistress. The shouting must have disturbed her as she shifted and moaned in his arms.

"Elizabeth!"

Darcy stilled on the top of the stairs and her arms snuck around his neck, holding on tight but then she went limp again, sinking into merciful oblivion.

Darcy reassumed, walking towards the mistress chambers. Inside, he gingerly laid her on the bed and knelt by her side.

"Wake up Elizabeth!"

Darcy kissed her forehead on the opposite side of the swelling.

"Please wake up!"

The tears caught him unawares and he rested his forehead on her cheek. Relishing the slightest contact of skin against skin.

"I will make her leave Elizabeth. You shall never lay your beautiful eyes on her again. Unfortunately, you are stuck with me. I cannot leave, no matter how much you wish it. I am so sorry... Elizabeth."

Darcy lifted her dainty hand and rained kisses on her knuckles. 'She was so small and fragile.' He looked her over from head to toe. The swelling of her stomach was much more prominent when she was laying on her back.

Tentatively, he ran his fingers over his child. Growing bolder, he cupped the bump with his entire hand, it fit perfectly and he rubbed his hand back and forth, to feel...

He felt her eyes on him and he looked up into Elizabeth's wary eyes.

"Thank God you are awake! How are you feeling?"

"My head pains me."

"I can well imagine. I have sent for the doctor and the midwife, they should be here soon."

"Will you send me away," Elizabeth whispered. Darcy frowned in confusion.

"Of course not! Whatever made you think that?"

Elizabeth breathed deeply to steady her emotions.

"I thought you might send me away since you brought her here..."

Darcy grabbed Elizabeth's hand and run his thumb in circles in her palm.

"I did not bring her here and I had no idea she was coming. She will leave as soon as the matter can be arranged but it can wait until the doctor has seen you."

A subtle movement under his hand startled him and he put on a little more pressure to make sure it was not only his imagination playing tricks with him.

And there it was again. something was definitely moving. He stared in awe at his hand on Elizabeth's belly. It had not felt real until this moment, that he was becoming a father. As the realisation sank into the furthest recesses of his soul, a profound sense of grief overtook him.

'What kind of father would he be? Setting his own needs before his family? Resenting their mother, treating her as an inconvenience? He had obviously found her good enough to be the mother of his children but lacking as his wife?' Darcy shook his head, to chase his thoughts away. 'No more self-pity...' He was saved by a knock on the door.

"Enter."

He called and Mrs Reynolds entered with Doctor Scott and the midwife Mrs Crawford. Darcy reluctantly removed his hand from Elizabeth's stomach and offered his hand to the doctor and bowed to the midwife.

"She is awake. I will be in my study, I want to be informed as soon as the examination is finished."

"Certainly, Mr Darcy."

The young but serious looking doctor was already focused on his patient as Darcy left his wife's chamber.

"I understand you fell down the stairs, Mrs Darcy. That can be dangerous in your condition and that is why I will examine your abdomen first. Have you felt any movement since your accident?"

"Yes."

"Good, good!"

The staid doctor listened to the heartbeat of the babe and as it was to his satisfaction, he continued with the examination of Elizabeth herself. He could happily report to the master of the house, half an hour later, that his child seemed no worse for wear and that Mrs Darcy suffered from a headache and bruises but nothing a few days of rest could not cure.

He was, however, a little concerned about her general mood and wondered if she suffered megrims. The master contradicted that most vehemently and informed the doctor that his wife was usually of a happy disposition but had suffered a great loss in her immediate family.

He was not so forthcoming in her most recent disappointment with her husband, a private man as he was. He did, however, ask the doctor what could be done to heighten her spirits but the doctor seemed to believe calmness was preferable to an elevation of spirits. His advice was to avoid upsetting her which Mr Darcy was most guilty of indeed...

Mrs Darcy's health sorted out, Mr Darcy had another problem to address.

'Why had she entered his home? Was she intending to blackmail him?' Before he found answers to his conundrum, his aunt knocked on his door.

"How is Elizabeth?"

"She is bruised and has a bump on her head but she was lucky she escaped a more severe injury. The babe as well..."

"I am sorry I brought Mrs Barnstable to your house, I had no idea..."

"Of course not! How could you know but I have to ask why?"

"I thought she might suit Richard."

Darcy sighed and rested his head in his hands.

"I have arranged for Mrs Barnstable's return to Derby on the morrow."

"Thank you, aunt Aubrey."

"No need to thank me Fitzwilliam, I did not do it for you. I never thought you had so much of your father in you, except for the obvious, your looks. I thought you had more of your mothers disposition, I guess I were wrong."

"I do not, I do... Tell me what to do aunt Aubrey. I have no idea how to make amends but I have to try."

Lady Aubrey watched her nephew squirm under her scrutiny.

"You chose her Fitzwilliam! You could have walked away from the compromise without a scratch but you chose her."

With that statement, Lady Aubrey left her nephew to his ruminations and his regrets.

Darcy's initial reaction was to scoff at his aunt's atrocious allegations. 'He could not have walked away that faithful morning, he had his honour. Then he realised, he had no honour. He had kissed, fondled and nearly bedded a woman, outside of his marriage. Had it not been for Elizabeth's timely intervention, he had no doubt he would have completed the deed.'

He thought back to their first encounter. He had been appalled by the savage assembly room in Meryton. The noise from less than stellar musicians, the uncouth behaviour and the stench of unwashed bodies had made him want to flee as soon as he had set foot inside the door.

He had been in no mood for company, the debacle at Ramsgate foremost on his mind.

Bingley's insistence he should dance with the rather drab looking girl in a green dress. Drab, despite his initial attraction, when their eyes locked as he entered the crowded room. Then she had told him off, with wit, archness and her chin held high. He had to admire her boldness in facing the master of Pemberley in a battle of wits and it had not been a one-time occurrence.

At every opportunity, she would challenge him, even professing opinions not her own, to spare with him. Never batting her lashes or clinging to his arm. She had even refused to dance with him, twice.

He had been enchanted. Never had it occurred to him that she did not like him. Not before he had made his choice and offered her everything he owned. Only then, had he realised, that she did not want him, did not even like him. It had hurt, immensely. He resented her for not vying for his attention, even though it had been the reason for his attraction. She could not have won, either way, because he did not play fair.


	13. Chapter 13

**12 True Colours **(Cindy Lauper)

Elizabeth was resting in her bed when she heard a soft knock on her door. Calling for the person to enter, Georgiana peaked in.

"Do you want some company or would you prefer to rest Elizabeth?"

"I would love some company Georgiana, do come in."

Elizabeth gestured towards the chair next to her bed, inviting her to sit. After convincing Georgiana that her headache was not severe, her new sister sat down on the edge of the seat.

"Is not Mrs Barnstable lovely? I believe she would be perfect for Richard. She is so accomplished and beautiful as well. She has travelled to the continent even and they could exchange experiences. What is your perception of her, Elizabeth?"

Elizabeth was speechless, Georgiana's blatant admiration for the lady was cutting her deeply. Not that it was unexpected. Georgiana was young, sheltered and easily lead. No wonder she was impressed by the worldly Mrs Barnstable.

"I see your point Georgiana but growing up with a matchmaking mama, I am reluctant to promote a match without any previous inclination from either party. It would be better to let these matters develop naturally."

"Of course, you are right Elizabeth. I just felt an instant connection with Mrs Barnstable. I would not mind having her as a cousin."

Elizabeth cringed as her head started to pound furiously and was immensely relieved when Georgiana excused herself as it was time for dinner. Unaware of the torment she had put upon her sister by marriage. Her reprieve was of short duration though, as her husband soon followed and sat down on the chair his sister had just vacated. Elizabeth turned her back to him, in no mood for company and particularly not her husband.

"I have ordered a tray for you as the doctor thought it wise for you to remain on bed-rest for a few days. At least until the headache has receded. I have ordered one for myself as well, as I have no intention of joining our dinner party this evening. Aunt Aubrey will give our regrets for not entertaining our guests tonight but I believe the majority will understand after seeing you take a tumble down the stairs in your condition.

Mrs Barnstable will be leaving by first light on the morrow."

Elizabeth remained still, in the hope that Mr Darcy would leave but he did not. Instead, he offered to read to her and Elizabeth pointed to her book on the nightstand without turning. If he thought it odd that she was reading Henry Fielding's Tom Jones The Foundling, he did not bring it up but started to read where she had left her bookmark. By the time the tray was delivered, Elizabeth was sound asleep. Darcy let her sleep and dined in silence.

Elizabeth woke the next morning to a cold meal on her nightstand and a sleeping husband in the chair beside her bed. Elizabeth pondered if she should wake him, considering the obviously awkward and uncomfortable position he had slept in but decided not to. Slipped out of bed and padded to her water closet. She had just finished her business and were washing her hands when she heard her frantic husband calling for her. Elizabeth rolled her eyes as she was not going to alert him that she was in _this_ exact location but he managed to find her without her input.

"Elizabeth, you should not be out of bed, not unaccompanied."

Darcy scooped her up in his arms, carried her to her bed and gingerly put her down. Tucking her in, smoothing the cover and sat down in the chair beside her.

"Shall I continue reading?"

Elizabeth eyed him suspiciously. Was he guarding her like an irate child, what was his purpose?

"No, I would like some breakfast and an explanation."

Her stomach growled loudly to accentuate her point.

"Forgive me Elizabeth, I forgot you did not have supper last night. Let me order you a tray."

Darcy went to her door, expecting a footman or maid in the hallway to send a message through but the lady he encountered in the hallway, made him shut the door with considerable force. He went to her dressing room and through to the servant's corridors in the back and got hold of a timid maid. Ordered a tray for himself and his wife and a footman to clear the hallway of intrusive guest's.

The maid bobbed her head up and down in acquiescence and scurried on her way to perform her orders. Darcy went back to his wife room but halted on the threshold of her dressing room. Georgiana and Mrs Barnstable were standing on the opposite side of his wife bed. Georgiana tittering about Mrs Barnstable wanting to say goodbye to the mistress before she left because of a family emergency. Darcy saw black and strode up to his sister, grabbed her by the arm and pulled her out into the hallway while sending a menacing look towards her company who did not dare do anything else than follow. Darcy levelled his eyes at his sisters.

"Mrs Darcy will not be distributed by _anyone_ without explicit permission from me, am I understood?"

"Y-yes brother."

Georgiana cowed under the fierce scowl of her brother, who turned and went back into his wife chambers without acknowledging the presence of the other lady.

The force he used as he slammed the door shut, made Elizabeth flinch and he was immediately by her side, on his knees, tucking a wayward curl behind her ear.

Their eyes locked and held for several moments before Darcy bowed his head and rested it on Elizabeth's hand which he held in both of his. They remained in this position until a cheerful Linney entered with their breakfast tray.

Darcy straightened and sat on the chair he had slept in the night before. Linney set the tray of food on the table with the chairs in front of the fire and another maid entered with tea. Darcy waited until the servants had left before he picked up Elizabeth and carried her to the table and started to fill her plate with food. That accomplished, he made her a cup of tea and sat down to watch her eat.

"I can walk you know."

"Not on my watch, not until your headache is gone and the doctor says there is no more danger of your fainting." Elizabeth harrumphed.

"That might never happen. According to Mr Scott, it is not uncommon to faint in my state. Are you planning to carry me everywhere for the rest of my laying in?"

"If necessary, yes..."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes but did not comment further as she was famished and the bread and cheese looked far too tempting to overlook.

Over the next few days, Darcy never left Elizabeth's side unless he needed to refresh himself. Even then, he had Mrs Reynolds watching her as she was the only person he trusted.

Elizabeth was certain she was going insane but no form of begging, cajoling or threats made any difference to her stubborn husband, who had made it his life's mission to nurse her back to health. Elizabeth thought it more likely she would be fit for bedlam before that happened but the headache diminished and the doctor pronounced her well enough to venture out her room.

If she had thought _that_ would convince her husband that a more relaxed attitude towards her should be expected, she was sorely disappointed. Although permitted to walk, with her arm securely tucked under her husband's arm, she was still being carried down any sets of stairs. Countless times, she had turned her back on him, hoping he would take the hint and leave her in peace but it was not to be.

He read and answered his correspondence, planned this year's harvest and the crop rotation for the next spring and read books when the estate business was finished. Undaunted by his wife's cold attitude.

When she was pronounced healthy, he moved her desk into his study enabling them to work side by side. With the harvest feast approaching, Elizabeth engaged Georgiana in the planning, along with Mrs Reynolds and many a lively discussion was held beside her quietly working husband. Old account books from the previous Mrs Darcy's reign was brought out of storage and closely inspected for inspiration for the feast. New thoughts were thoroughly exploited and some were integrated with the old customs.

The harvest feast was held on Sunday the twentieth of September on the day before the full moon. The church was decorated with fruit and flowers, to the delight of the worshippers. All the tenants and the residents in the nearby villages of Lambton and Kympton were invited to a picnic on the front lawn of Pemberley after service.

Food and drink were served in big tents and games were held for the children. Even the adults had the opportunity to enter a friendly game of archery or the baking competition. Prizes were distributed to the winners and everybody left well-fed and content.

In the evening, the more exalted neighbours were invited to the harvest ball. Elizabeth was thankful that some good had come of her trip to Derby as she wore a magnificent deep red gown, that fitted perfectly her more rotund form.

Some comments were made of the master of Pemberley's, never leaving his wife's side or stalking behind her, wherever she went. He bore the prodding admirably but could not be lured from his purpose.

Musicians had been hired from Derby and the master and mistress of Pemberley opened the ball with the Sarabande.

Darcy reluctantly let some of his neighbours' dance with his wife before claiming her for the supper set. Secured by her side through dinner, he made sure she ate heartily as he kept filling her plate with delicacies as soon as there was room on her plate while Elizabeth happily chatted with their guests.

After dinner, Darcy demanded that she would sit out some sets, as his wife was starting to show signs of fatigue. They ended the evening together on the dancefloor as a waltz had been ordered as the last set was forming and he was not letting an opportunity to hold his wife in his arms, pass him up.

If the guests of Pemberley had been in doubt, it was none left by the end of the Darcys waltz. Raw emotions were displayed on the Master's countenance and a spellbound Mistress, had eyes for none other, as they floated graciously in swirls around the Pemberley ballroom.

None had missed that the Darcys were expecting an addition to their family. The bolder ones dared to tease the master of the hast he had made in getting his bride enceinte but no one hinted at any earliness of the event. The neighbourhood was well aware that the master had spent months away from his bride and had not travelled south until the final days before the wedding.

Rumours had run rampant on the bride and the necessity for the wedding but the bride would have been showing at her first steps on Pemberley ground, had it been a compromise of that sort.

Darcy had returned to Pemberley in November and he had not left to collect his bride until April. Most could add the numbers for that and have visited too, at their earliest convenience to get a confirmation or denial. It seemed to them as it were a love match after all. Why else would the master of Pemberley marry a country girl of little dowry and even fewer connections?

The Darcy's wished their guests a safe journey home and strolled to the mistress chambers, utterly exhausted. Elizabeth did not protest when her husband carried her upstairs, instead, she buried her head in his neck and secured herself with her arms around him. She did not even notice that he did not put her down on her feet when they reached the upper level but continued to carry her until he could put her down on the bed.

She rolled over to her side and Darcy unbuttoned her gown and loosened her stays, leaving her to sleep in her shift. He left to let Grey tug him out of his tight fitted coat and changed into his nightshirt. He padded back to Elizabeth and for the first time in months, he lay down next to her to sleep. Elizabeth shivered and Darcy pulled his ice-cold wife to his chest, letting his excessive heat, warm her chilled person.

The next days brought plenty of morning callers to Pemberley. The neighbourhood wanted to pay their respects and thank their hosts for a very successful harvest feast.

One particular lady remarked upon Mrs Darcy's improved wardrobe but was quieted efficiently by another lady that emphasised that the mistress was now out of mourning and therefore would naturally dress with different quality and colour. The aforementioned lady was quite embarrassed, having forgotten that Mrs Darcy had been mourning her sister when she arrived. Not at all strange that the master had left his bride to mourn in peace with her family. He must be a most considerate suitor to await his bride so patiently.

W ith Elizabeth's improved health, Darcy finally relented on his tight watch. Her desk was brought back to her study and her intimate sojourn at the master's sanctuary was at an end.

It became a necessity, as the preparation for winter and the last of the crops needed to be harvested and brought to processing or storage. The estate needed its master and very reluctantly, the master left his wife for a few hours of the day. Elizabeth was occupied by hordes of morning callers and then with reciprocating the calls.

One call, Elizabeth was particularly looking forward to. The orphanage had tidied the church after the harvest feast and was given the food and fruits used as decorations as payment. The baskets that had contained the bread, needed to be collected.

An afternoon spent with the children sounded lovely...

J ames drove her to Lambton, where the orphanage was situated, accompanied by two footmen and her lady's maid. The orphanage had been founded by the previous Mrs Darcy and according to Mrs Reynolds, the children were provided with an education, useful to the nearby estates and villages.

The children were playing outside in the nice weather when Elizabeth descended from the carriage. Running around on their midday break, working off excess energy after their morning's lessons.

A little girl of no more than two, tried to keep up with the older girls but tripped on her hem and fell on the gravel. Little stones were stuck in her palm. Elizabeth scooped her up, brushed the stones away and blew on her hand to comfort the sniffling toddler. The girl stopped crying when she discovered the garnet cross around Elizabeth's neck and fiddled reverently with it.

Elizabeth almost lost her footing when she raised her eyes and saw her husband sitting on the stairs, teaching a young boy to whittle. He startled and walked swiftly towards her and unburdened her of her new little friend. She tried to resist but he whispered softly in her ear that she should not lift or carry anything heavy.

Elizabeth was about to protest when he gently reminded her that she had been prone to faint recently which Elizabeth could only acquiesce and agree with her husband's precautions. She opted to crunch down when she spoke to the smaller children, instead of lifting them off the ground.

Pleased with what she observed and immediately deciding that this would be her main priority outside of the estate matters that were her responsibility. It seemed her husband was of a similar mind as he was there as well. Perhaps they could cooperate on their next visit and she suggested as much to Mr Darcy who had no objections.

After a while, Elizabeth noticed a significantly older girl hovering in the background and asked the proprietor, Mrs Bates if she was part of the staff but she was not.

In soft whispers, Mrs Bates related that they had been unable to find her employment because of her severe anxiety towards men. She looked at Elizabeth expectantly, She must have noticed Elizabeth's lack of comprehension as she continued to explain that the girl had been abused by her father from a very young age and the scars on her mind and body were devastating.

Elizabeth's heart ached for the young girl, whom she guessed was about five and ten but Mrs Bates told her she was seven and ten and they were at a loss of what to do with her. She was years past the age the children usually left the orphanage but she did not have any other option than to let her stay.

Elizabeth thought that there must be an elderly lady that did not have a manservant, in need of help but believed it would be wise to speak to the girl first, to see if that might be something she would agree to.

She approached the girl cautiously and she did not seem to mind but when she got closer, her eyes widened and fixated on a spot above Elizabeth's shoulder. Elizabeth turned and saw that her husband was following her.

"Mr Darcy, perhaps you could fetch the baskets that I came here for? They might be a little heavy for me."

She smiled hesitantly, well aware of the indignity for the master of Pemberley to be asked to fetch anything. He was not a servant, after all. Her husband just smiled back, nodded and turned to walk into the house, to do as asked. Elizabeth was very thankful as the girl visibly relaxed although her eyes kept straying to the driver and footmen, tending the carriage.

"I am Elizabeth Darcy, the new mistress of Pemberley, may I be so bold as to introduce myself to you?"

The girl's eyes widened and Elizabeth feared that the apprehension would return but she replied and did not flee.

"It would be my honour, Mrs Darcy, I am Anne Green."

With those simple words, a bond was formed. Not that they became best friends but listening to girls story as she became her confidant, taught Elizabeth a valuable lesson.

Elizabeth was like a bloodhound after returning from the orphanage and would not rest until she had uncovered enough of Anne's story to be certain of the truth. It proved not too hard, as it turned out that Anne's mother had been a Pemberley maid and her father a farmer in Kympton.

Gentle probing and leading questions revealed that it was probable that Anne was one of her father-in-law's byblows and Mr Green had punished her mother severely, leading her to an early death shortly after Anne was born.

He had never remarried and Anne had nobody to turn to when her 'father' turned on her in an unimaginable way. Growing up under constant abuse of every kind had left her broken in body and spirit. What shocked Elizabeth the most though, was the fact that everybody seemed to know what was going on in the Green household but did nothing about it.

Elizabeth swore that she would do everything in her power to help the girl and decided to take Mrs Reynolds into her confidence. She knew Anne's story and could advise Elizabeth on what position would be most suitable.

Mrs Reynolds had a solution that proved suitable for all involved. A great-aunt, living with her unmarried daughter in Bakewell needed a girl of all trades and after all parties had agreed, Anne moved to Bakewell.

In the last conversation, Elizabeth shared with Anne before she left, Anne said something that stayed with Elizabeth for the rest of her life. Touching the very sensitive subject of her father and leaving her childhood troubles behind, Anne confessed to Elizabeth that she was choosing to let go of her anger and hatred. She explained to her that the hatred was eating her up inside, hurting none other than herself...

Although it was hard, it was the only solution to find some contentment in her life. Elizabeth was stunned by the wisdom of someone so young and quietly wondered if it was at all achievable but time would teach her the truth behind those words.

Elizabeth was shaken to the core one morning, entering her study only to find her desk and account books missing. She stood rooted to the spot, in the door frame, wondering if she had taken leave of her senses. It took her five minutes to gather herself to go on a search for Mrs Reynolds, inquiring after her furniture.

Mrs Reynolds told her that Mr Darcy had ordered her desk to be moved back to his study. Elizabeth temper flared and she continued in a brisk wobble towards her husband's study.

She entered without knocking, hands on her hips, glaring at the presumptuous nit-wit. Her desk had been placed opposite Mr Darcy's, facing towards each other. Elizabeth could hardly think of anything she wanted to see less of than her husband. Darcy looked up from his papers and smiled when he noticed his wife.

"Elizabeth! I was just going to look for you. What do you think of our new arrangement? I thought it would be convenient for us to share a study on a more permanent basis, it worked so well when you were recovering and I missed your presence."

Elizabeth was livid and speechless, not productive when one wants to make your sentiments known. Darcy rose from his chair and came towards her, stopping one step away.

"I am concerned for your health Elizabeth. Both your dizziness and nausea you have experienced make me reluctant to part with you during the day. I would appreciate if you could placate me in this Elizabeth."

"You could have had the courtesy to ask me what my preference would be."

"I thought it might be easier to ask your forgiveness than permission, given your kind heart but somewhat quick temper..."

To Elizabeth's consternation, sadness was conquering the anger. Her moods seemed to shift with the wind and she nibbled her bottom lip. Sensible thoughts eluded her and she went to her desk and sat down. To think and to create some distance between herself and Mr Darcy.

"Thank you."

Darcy whispered softly and sat back down at his desk. Elizabeth flinched, it had not been her intention to surrender to her husband's new arrangement by sitting down. Darcy grabbed his pen and immersed himself in his letters, flicking his quill between his fingers.

Elizabeth watched undetected. Darcy's features were drawn and wary. Elizabeth wondered what troubled him, apart from the obvious. Darcy must have felt her scrutiny and looked up from his letter.

"Did you find a satisfactory solution for Anne Green?"

"Yes, she is a maid of all trades for Mrs Reynolds great aunt and daughter in Bakewell. An advantageous arrangement for all in involved I believe... She said something on the day she left that I have been pondering in retrospect. That hatred eats you up inside and does nobody but yourself any harm."

"She is a dandelion."

"I hardly think she would feel complimented by being compared to a weed."

"The dandelion is not a weed. It is the hardiest flower that exists. It can grow through anything but solid rock. You can eat it, drink it and it has medicinal purposes. No, not a weed but a conqueror of the impossible."

Silence followed, each partner submerged in thought. Without any more discussion, a routine was established that the Darcy's would follow for years to come, sharing a study, the responsibilities and their daily life.

The quiet was broken by Mrs Reynolds delivering the mail. She handed Mr Darcy a large pile of correspondence and Mrs Darcy two letters.

Elizabeth opened the one from Mary first. It had been a long time since she had heard from her sister. The letter gave her no joy though. Mary pleaded, politely but bluntly that Elizabeth must not send her any more letters. Lady Catherine was most displeased that she had kept up her correspondence with the usurper of her daughter's husband, not to forget the deplorable, promiscuous ways of the master...

Elizabeth was disappointed if not surprised. The little she knew of Lady Catherine had not endeared her nor convinced her of the discernment of the great lady. A gasp from the opposite side of the room made Elizabeth's head snap up. Darcy had his head, resting in his hands, muttering something intelligible under his breath. Elizabeth eyed him warily and silently wondered what news had put her usually stoic husband in such a state. It must be grave indeed to solicit such a pronounced reaction. He started to rummage through the stack of letters and obviously found what he was looking for by the gusto he ripped one open, eyes frantically searching the pages. He groaned and Elizabeth could not withhold her curiosity any longer.

"What news?"

"Bingley has gotten engaged."

Elizabeth could not conceal her surprise.

"But... That is wonderful! He is such an amiable gentleman, he deserves some happiness."

Elizabeth looked accusatory towards her husband. Did he think he had not mourned Jane long enough? Did he want him for his sister? Elizabeth could not think of any valid reason for her husband's resentment towards this joyous development.

"He is engaged to Mrs Barnstable..."

"What!"

A heavy silence hung in the room. Elizabeth felt a pang in her chest and her mind conjectured multiple scenarios of future encounters with the Bingley's. 'Surely, Mr Darcy would not dally with his friend's wife?'

"They are on their way north to introduce her to his family in Scarborough. He is planning to break their journey north, here at Pemberley. We can expect them at any moment. Bingley's first letter was missent, he wrote the directions uncommonly ill and it has detoured to the Pembroke estate. I do not know what to do. How can I make amends..."

Darcy looked utterly dejected, his countenance was pale and his hands trembled, clutching the letter. Elizabeth gazed out of the window, the park was turning grey and brown. A few leaves of reddish and tangerine hue still clung to their branches, unwilling to admit defeat. 'Was she a doomed leaf, clinging on to a hopeless cause? No! She was a pine needle, in for the long run, for life.' She turned towards her husband.

"You could make known where your loyalty lies. Manifest without a doubt where your interest lies and not give way for speculation of your priorities."

Elizabeth needed repose to sort through her jumbled thoughts. 'Was she never to have another moment of tranquillity? Had her life shrunken to put out fire after fire without cessation?' Elizabeth left the study with no acknowledgement towards her husband, ordered her outerwear and headed towards the late Mrs Darcy's rose garden. There were still a few resilient roses still in bloom. A swing hung abandoned in a tree overlooking the roses and Elizabeth sat down, swaying lazily. She startled when strong arms embraced her from behind, a heavy head rested on the top of hers. She had not noticed that she was being followed in her preoccupied state. The comfort of being held brought tears to her eyes and she reluctantly admitted to herself that she missed their intimacy. Darcy must have stood in an awkward position, he straightened and the weight on her head lifted, he did not relinquish his hold on her torso. Elizabeth felt a soft kiss on her temple and a warm breath upon her ear. "I love you."

The warmth from his arms disappeared and light footfalls receded. Elizabeth kicked the ground and spun the swing, lifted her feet and twirled.

'_The mind is its own place, and in it self Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.'_

The quote from John Milton's Paradise Lost had touched Elizabeth profoundly when she delved into the epic poem, trying to find solace during her darkest hours. The thought of creating your own happiness by seeing the good in everything. Nothing was all good, nothing only evil. Elizabeth saw nothing good in her sister's death but she found comfort in the life she had lived. The goodness she had taught that lived on in the hearts of her friends and family, Jane's heritage.

Perhaps it was a good thing that tender-hearted Jane, never got to sustain the trials of marriage. The heartache, the humiliation... Elizabeth's heart soared in pain when she realised that neither would she feel life, growing inside her nor the comfort of a tight embrace, skin against the skin during the twilight hours. Tired of her own wayward thoughts, she headed back to the house, where little alleviation awaited.

Darcy was alerted of the approaching carriage by the efficient Mrs Reynolds. Elizabeth had not returned from the garden and Georgiana were studying with her music master. He had no option but to greet his guests alone and escort them to the drawing-room.

Bingley greeted him in his usual happy manners but Darcy could detect no exuberance out of the ordinary. A seed of suspicion arose in Darcy's mind and he decided to have a private conversation with Bingley, as soon as an opportunity presented itself. The party had just entered the drawing-room and Darcy ordered rooms readied for his guests to a distressed Mrs Reynolds.

Elizabeth floated graciously into the room, despite the dampness of the bottom of her dress, exchanged a few hushed words with Mrs Reynolds and went to congratulate Mr Bingley, wishing him joy. She turned towards Mrs Barnstable and offered her the same pleasantries. At last, she greeted the Hursts' and Miss Bingley.

"There will be a slight delay before your rooms are ready, may I offer some refreshments?"

Elizabeth addressed her guests with politeness if not warmth.

"I see your habits have not changed Mrs Darcy, been out walking this morning?"

The condescending countenance of Miss Bingley left no one in doubt of what she was thinking. Elizabeth did not deign to answer with more than a slight inclination of her head. Concentrated on breathing steadily and calmly.

"A warm cup of tea would be lovely," Mr Bingley was his agreeable self and seemed unaware of the tension in the room.

"I say we need one after this journey. The roads were uncommonly rutted, even for the wet season. It must have rained for days. I have never encountered as many potholes in my entire life as I have on this trip. The horses kept the pace of snails but still, we were jostled about. By the bye Darcy, the horses are knackered and need a days rest. I was hoping to stay an extra day to give them time to recuperate. I have no doubt that the road further north is in even worse condition and it will be wise to set out with a well-rested equipage."

"Yes of course Bingley, I will personally ensure that your horses are well-tended."

Silently adding to himself that the sooner his guests would leave.

The refreshments were brought in and Elizabeth served her guest's tea. Darcy watched his wife like a hawk but could detect no emotions in her countenance nor her bearing. The relief he felt when Mrs Reynolds pronounced that the guest rooms were ready, was palpable.


	14. Chapter 14

**13 Numb **(Linkin Park)

Elizabeth prepared for dinner with her unusual care. Linney was giddy with delight when she added a lovely set of emeralds from the Darcys excessive jewellery collection, a loan from her sister, to her dark green velvet gown.

That it was warm and comfortable with her growing belly, was what she told herself was the reason for her choice. Not wanting to admit that it was extremely flattering as well.

"My courage always rises, nothing can ever intimidate me."

Elizabeth whispered to her reflection after Linney had clasped the necklace around her neck.

A firm knock on the door appraised Elizabeth that her husband was ready to escort her to dinner. She took his offered arm and together they descended the staircase to greet their guests.

The Darcys separated first at the dinner table. Elizabeth took her seat in one end of the table with Mr Bingley and Mr Hurst on either side while Darcy had Miss Bingley on one side and Mrs Barnstable on the other. Georgiana was placed between Miss and Mr Bingley with Mrs Hurst positioned opposite her. Elizabeth would have preferred to place Georgiana further away from Mrs Barnstable but compensated with engaging Mr Hurst in conversation, to leave Georgiana at least, with a pleasant conversationalist in Mr Bingley, all the while stealing glances towards the other end of the table.

Darcy looked like he had needed the courtesy she had offered Georgiana, he sat stiff and implacable. Elizabeth felt no guilt for the unpalatable position she had put her husband in, he deserved it.

Seated between two beautiful ladies, he counted as dear friends should have made him look a lot less peckish than he was at the moment. They were, after all, ladies of his own choosing...

Miss Bingley was batting her lashes, touching his hand while Mrs Barnstable was trying to engage his attention in a likewise manner on the other side. Miss Bingley scowled at her new sister to be, as she had a moment of success usurping Darcy's attention.

The hostility between the two ladies was getting noticeable and Elizabeth searched for something to derive their attention. She raised her voice a notch as she addressed Mr Hurst.

"Georgiana has been a dear and shared her piano teacher with me, although I do not mean to raise your expectations too much. I am afraid there is still something lacking in my execution, I never seem to find the time to practice..."

Georgiana was about to reply, probably to contradict Elizabeth's modesty but she hardly managed to draw breath before Miss Bingley grasped the opportunity to make her hostess feel a little of her inferiority.

"Have you painted any tables lately Mrs Darcy, I remember you did not possess the accomplishment at Netherfield."

Elizabeth smiled brightly, happy that Miss Bingley had taken the bait and redirected her attention from her husband to herself. Conscious that it left the other lady uninhibited.

"No, I am not artistically bent in that direction. Georgiana is so talented that it is hardly necessary for me to engage in the endeavour." Elizabeth smiled at her sister, in that respect, Miss Bingley's praise had been precise.

"A shame Mrs Darcy, I am sure you would have exceeded in the venture with your penchant for rambling out of doors... It must have been an advantage to be able to canvas some of your experiences. Well, I hope Georgiana has been generous in sharing her language masters as well. Have you learned any of the modern languages yet, Mrs Darcy?"

"No, nothing I did not know from before, Miss Bingley."

Miss Bingley smirked, little did she know that Elizabeth was proficient in both French and German but those accomplishments she had been taught by her father.

"I guess you have not added to your list of only six accomplished ladies among your acquaintances Mr Darcy?" Miss Bingley preened at her host.

"No Miss Bingley. I believe my list of accomplished ladies has shrunken rather than grown. Although my wife is fluent in French and German, it has little significance in the running of an estate. I have plenty of painted tables, purses, pillows and whatnot. What _I_ reckon as accomplishments differs a lot from yours, Miss Bingley.

I believe a kind and compassionate heart is essential in dealing with domestic and tenant disputes. A head for numbers, good health, knowledge of herbs for medicinal purposes is preferable to any knitted purse.

In lieu of superciliousness in her air and manner of walking, I would personally cherish the ability of rational conversation. A lady one could lead through the ballrooms of London and the Harvest Feast in autumn, for the people who work endless hours to make Pemberley a profitable estate, without fearing her putting on airs or being overbearing to the less fortunate. Polite and solicitous to everyone from peasant to the nobility, without the coquettish batting lashes. That is what I would deem an accomplished lady Miss Bingley."

The room grew quiet, only the clink of the cutlery was heard as the dessert course was served. The minute the last spoon was put down, Darcy eyed Elizabeth intently, she rose and bid the ladies accompany her to the music room.

Georgiana gabbed and held on to Elizabeth's arm for dear life and Elizabeth felt for her young sister who could probably feel but not understand, the undertow of malice. She urged her young charge to entertain and offered to turn the pages. Rung for sherry for the ladies and joined Georgiana by the pianoforte.

Elizabeth's warm alto was complimenting Georgiana's soprano when Bingley and Darcy joined the ladies, Mr Hurst was not with them. Darcy staid in the doorframe while Bingley went to a window, gazing into the dark. Darcy was glad that Elizabeth had sacrificed herself yet again, for the comfort of one Darcy sibling, sheltering her from the ruthless ladies. The dreadful conversation he had had with Bingley had drained him and all he wanted was to retire for the night, guests be damned.

Bingley was in an even worse state, deprived of his fundamental belief in the goodness and honourability of gentlemen and ladies had left him despondent. Darcy prided himself of his abhorrence for disguise but the honesty he had afforded Bingley tonight was unparalleled. Brutally forthright, he had given him a narration of his dealings with his betrothed, leaving nothing to interpretation.

Bingley had been furious, aghast and distressed. Not that he mourned the marriage that would not happen, Darcy had been right in his assessment that it was a connection largely forwarded by Miss Bingley.

The disappointment stemmed from the disillusion of Darcy as an honourable gentleman. That Bingley had put him on an unachievable pedestal, was not new to Darcy and he had done nothing to rectify him. His conceit was undeniable. He had boasted of not exposing himself to ridicule while his flaws were of an infinitely graver character and exposed himself for contempt and disdain.

When he related the incident where Elizabeth discovered them in amorous congress, Darcy was positive only the utmost restraint had prohibited Bingley from knocking him out cold. The disgust written on his face was sobering, never had he raised such emotions in another human being, not even Elizabeth.

Elizabeth who tried to shield him from the awkwardness, protect his sister, fend off grasping ladies while fighting her own demons. How could she tolerate it? The mettle she was made of had never been more pronounced nor had his deficiencies been more glaring. She had entered a house with a hostile husband, an unwelcoming sister, a sceptical housekeeper, ungrateful guests with staff that thought it was acceptable to pull her hair, intentionally!

Darcy bowed his head in defeat and did not hear the soft silk slippers approaching but the hand that grasped his harm was not his wife's dainty one.

"Have you managed to waylay Mr Hurst on your way from the dining room Mr Darcy. Not surprising, considering the size of your estate."

"He chose to stay with the brandy while Mr Bingley and I had business to discuss in my study. I will fetch him immediately."

Mr Darcy turned, wrenched out of Mrs Barnstable's cloying grasp and headed towards the dining room. To his consternation, the slipper clad feet followed.

"I will help you locate him, Mr Darcy, perhaps he has ventured into the orangery, he is very fond of fruit."

"I highly doubt he would trade his brandy for a lemon Mrs Barnstable. Thank you for your offer but I am perfectly capable of locating him in my own house, a house you are not familiar with, I might add."

"Do not play coy Mr Darcy, we both know this has nothing to do with Mr Hurst. We both know it is a matter of purloining a clandestine moment or two... "

"You would instigate an assignation with your betrothed's best friend with your future husband in the next room?"

Darcy was aghast but Mrs Barnstable was unimpressed.

"What significance does my betrothal have Mr Darcy, you were already married the first time we met?"

Darcy knew he was being called out on his hypocrisy, that did not tempt him to relent though, only to repent.

"It does not. I am however not interested, not now, not ever."

"Well, I might at least get a few pounds out of this travesty, for my silence on certain matters..."

Mr Darcy laughed mirthlessly.

"Silence in what regard Mrs Barnstable. My wife, the only one who matters, already knows. Who would you tell that did not do your reputation more harm than mine..."

Darcy spoke through thinned lips, in a calm, icy manner that would have alerted a person who knew him better that rage was simmering underneath his composed outer appearance.

"The ton is always in demand for new and exciting gossip. Would it not be a scratch in your lacquer, to have dallied with a lady, fresh from the alter..."

"Ha, it is already known. You would be surprised at the speed of bad news travels. I hardly had time to travel back myself before my aunt descended on Pemberley, very well informed indeed. To be accurate, both my aunts were informed, one of them living in Kent..."

"I am sorry about that Mr Darcy but I was rather crossed when you threw me out of the house like a common alley wench. I only informed _her_ though, she is known for being a stickler for propriety. I just sent her a little note with vague innuendo."

"You notified my aunt?"

"Do you have any problems? May I assist?"

The very welcome voice of his wife penetrated Darcy's mind before he did something utterly stupid like bellowing profanities to a guest in his house.

"Yes, I seem to be unable to locate Mr Hurst. Please accompany me on my search."

Darcy did not wait for a reply before turning towards Elizabeth, tucking her hand securely around his arm, holding her hand in place with his other hand. They walked towards the dining room where a snoring Mr Hurst reclined awkwardly in a chair. Elizabeth laughed a throaty laugh that awoke Mr Hurst.

"I am sorry we have neglected you for so long Mr Hurst. Please follow us to the music room. The card tables are ready if you would like a game? Here is Mrs Barnstable, ready to escort you."

Smooth Darcy thought. The viper could do nothing but take Mr Hurst's arm. The gall of the woman, following them around.

Bingley turned as they entered the room, frowning at his fiancée. Mrs Barnstable glided past Mr Darcy and gritted through clenched teeth.

"What did you tell him?"

Darcy smiled and retorted.

"Everything..."

Georgiana begged off the card game and opted to retire. Elizabeth followed her sister upstairs, promising to return shortly to her guests. She only wanted to assure herself that Georgiana was well.

That left the Hurst's, Miss Bingley and Mrs Barnstable to play as both Bingley and Darcy begged off. They sat in quiet contemplation when Elizabeth re-entered the room. Darcy attempted to rise and move to his wife's side but Bingley beat him to it. He gallantly escorted Elizabeth to the most comfortable seat by the fire, taking the chair beside her, conveniently across the room from Darcy. Bingley was ruffling his feathers which made Darcy proud of him but somewhat dissatisfied with being the recipient of his newfound backbone.

Elizabeth was obviously growing tired, she talked and laughed with Mr Bingley but Darcy caught her working her jaws to stifle a yawn on several occasions. He decided to end the evening before she got utterly exhausted.

"You must all be exhausted from your taxing journey hither. Do not feel obligated to exert yourselves on our behalf. Let us all retire so we can meet the morning refreshed and rested. Goodnight."

While delivering his little speech, he had moved across the room and assisted Elizabeth to her feet. By the time he had gotten to "Goodnight", they were walking out the door.

He held on to Elizabeth, escorted her to her chambers and dismissed her waiting maid. Elizabeth frowned but Darcy smoothed the wrinkle out with his thumb and rested his forehead on hers.

"Please Elizabeth. Let me stay, just to hold you... I am sorry I dismissed your maid without consulting you but I could not bear her observing your rejection, which would be well in your right."

Elizabeth just nodded in confirmation. Darcy unbuttoned the back of Elizabeth's dress and she disappeared behind her screen while he divested himself of his apparel and slipped under the covers. Elizabeth soon joined him and lay down with her back towards him. Darcy drew her to his chest and laced his fingers with hers, resting their hands on their unborn child. He could feel the tension forge through her body so he lay still, trying to breathe evenly.

A light snore, close to her ear, ascertained her that her husband had promptly fallen asleep. It would be hours before Elizabeth followed him in slumber. The dramatic events of the day had exhausted her but her thoughts were running rampant in her head.

Eavesdropping rarely gave you any good news but Mrs Barnstable's attempt of blackmailing her husband had unsettled her more than she had acknowledged at the time. 'What havoc could she make, now thwarted in her quest for a protector? What could she possibly expect to achieve by coming to Pemberley or was it a random coincidence? Was she revengeful? At least, her husband had been firm in his rejection.'

Waking bright and early, despite her short repose. Elizabeth stole out of her husband's arms and donned a simple morning dress. A walk would set her equilibrium straight, reading the forgotten letter from the day before.

She went quickly to the study and retrieved it before leaving by the French doors in the library that opened into the private garden in the back. The shrubs and trees made it more convenient for strolling undetected than the openness of the front entrance. Elizabeth proceeded to the rose garden and sat down on her favourite seat, the swing. The letter she had forgotten was from her father and she highly anticipated reading it as he was such a lackadaisical correspondent.

_Dear Lizzy_

_It is with sorrow I have to relate to you that your dear mother passed a fortnight past and the burial has taken place._

_As you were aware she had not been well since our loss, November last and that is why I was not able to stay with you and your magnificent Pemberley for any length of time. We all thought she would get better but alas, it was not to be. Mr Jones diagnosis of a broken heart leaves much to be desired but it is all the answers to be had. If I had but known her time would be so short, I would have apprised you of her condition but I thought you had enough on your mind._

_Kitty and particularly Lydia are not dealing very well with their mothers passing and I initially thought that perhaps you and your illustrious husband might take one of them in but my suspicions that Mr Darcy's moral compass might be a little off, made me reconsider in Lydia's case. She has been lamenting the fact that the militia decamped before her mourning period was over, how she can lament something she has never experienced, is beyond me but let me assure you, she is giving it an admirable effort. Either way, I am in favour of sending Lydia to her sister Mary, I highly doubt Mr Collins, despite his lack in reason and sensibility, will give your sister any wild ideas and the Iron Lady of Rosings might have some input on the matter of the conduct of a young lady that might not at all be remiss on our dear Lydia. I am offering as a substitute to you, my other daughter Kitty for an extended visit at Pemberley. She has gotten so shy that a little adventure might do her good and her lack of perception will not jeopardise your secrets. That said, if you would prefer Lydia, I will bow to your wishes._

_Father_

'The nerve of the man. Sending her a letter weeks after her mother passed, not even deeming it important enough to send it by express. Her mother must have passed three and a half weeks ago and she had not even known she was seriously ill.'

Elizabeth jumped off the swing and started pacing between the roses. 'Oh my heavens! He must have understood Mr Darcy's betrayal. The wording of his letter left her in no doubt. Still, he had done nothing, said nothing...

What could he have done?

She was Mr Darcy's property now, not her father's. He had washed his hand of her with little difficulty it would seem. He was right about one thing though. Lydia might be childish and silly at times but lacking perception, she was not. She had a cunning ability to ferret out what was going on and had no scruples in utilizing her knowledge in blackmail for advantages. It was inconceivable to allow Lydia into her home. She must hasten to write back to her father before he sent either of his daughters north.'

She turned and hurried towards the library door when she was accosted by the person she least wanted to see. Looking her up, she instantly regretted donning one of her old, threadbare gowns that she had brought with her from Longbourn.

"Mrs Darcy! How fortunate I should run into you, just the lady I wanted to see. I was hoping you would join me on a little ride this morning, I so long to see park of the estate. The others are still in bed and I know the Bingley's. They will not stir for a few hours yet."

She let it hang in the air that she would say the same for Mr Darcy but on that score, she would be utterly wrong thought Elizabeth.

"I am sorry Mrs Barnstable but I do not ride."

"Oh, excuse my inability to speak clearly. I meant a ride with a phaeton and ponies. Mr Darcy mentioned he had one that his mother favoured for driving around the park."

"I am afraid I do not drive either..."

"But I do Mrs Darcy. It is absolutely necessary when you are mistress of a grand estate, perhaps I could teach you?"

Elizabeth did not know what to answer. She did not want to go on an excursion with her husband's paramour and definitely not learn to drive anything with the big beasts in front but how to decline her guests without raising unanswerable questions? Pondering this quandary, they headed towards the stables in search of the stable master. James, her favourite driver since her sojourn to London was the first she encountered.

"James, would you have someone ready the phaeton. Mrs Barnstable expressed a wish to drive around the park and I am to accompany her."

Elizabeth looked calm and collected like it was an everyday occurrence that the mistress came by to require a conveyance instead of ordering it through the usual way of servants.

"I am sorry Mrs Darcy but Mr Darcy has ordered that under no circumstances are the mistress allowed to leave in any conveyance without his personal escort or at his explicit orders."

"Surely, you do not follow his every bidding, Mrs Darcy?"

"You have been married Mrs Barnstable, you should know I have little choice in the matter."

Elizabeth gave James a lopsided smile and dismissed him.

Elizabeth had worked up an appetite, strangely enough, and strode to the breakfast parlour. She was a little surprised that her guest followed since she had stated that she had already been there and Elizabeth surmised from that, that she had already eaten. Mr Darcy was waiting and flinched visibly when he saw who was accompanying her.

"Elizabeth, I wondered where you had been. Let me fill a plate for you, please sit down."

He gestured to the chair beside him and Elizabeth obeyed, flaunting the propriety of sitting at the head of the table.

Mrs Barnstable had obviously worked up an appetite herself as she grabbed a plate and started to fill it with whatever was close to where Mr Darcy was standing.

Elizabeth could see him tense up as his shoulders rose to his ears and his jaws were working incessantly. He sat down beside her and Mrs Barnstable chose the seat on his other side.

"I was enquiring after a conveyance this morning but James informed me that it was not allowed."

Elizabeth looked innocently up and met Mr Darcy's eyes which showed his apprehension to her enquiry.

"Yes, after your recent bout of... humph... well."

He looked pleadingly into her eyes and she let him off the hook. Touched his arm lightly and admitted that she was not inclined to travel any significant distance, anytime soon but that their guest wanted to drive around the park. Perhaps Mr Darcy could escort her in her stead. The brilliant smile that had lit Mr Darcy's face turned into a frown and he hastened to say.

"I am sure Bingley would want to drive his betrothed himself. I will offer him the use of my phaeton, as soon as he awakens."

Mrs Barnstable looked like she was about to protest so Elizabeth turned the conversation in another direction.

"Mr Darcy, I wonder if you could spare me a moment of your time when you are finished with your breakfast? I have a matter of some importance to discuss with you..."

Realising a little late that her diction might lead him to fret unnecessarily she added.

"I received a letter from my father with some distressing news, best uttered in privacy."

The look of relief on Mr Darcy's countenance was unmistakable, if not misplaced. What Elizabeth was about to relate was, after all, nothing pleasant.

Miss Bingley materialised and the Darcy's soon excused themselves and left for their shared study.

Elizabeth handed Darcy the letter from Mr Bennet and he read it in silence.

"I am so sorry for your loss Elizabeth."

He looked up and assessed her intently before delving back to the letter, a deep frown marring his forehead. His hand kept running through his hair and mussing up his otherwise impeccable appearance.

"I do not know what to say Elizabeth. What are your thoughts?"

Darcy's initial reaction was to berate Mr Bennet's for the flippant and glib approach to such a serious matter but he held his tongue and turned introspective. Mr Bennet's faults were many, although combined, they were nothing to his one...

"I am inclined to deny his request for relieving himself of his last remaining daughters. Lydia might be childish and even foolish in many instances but imperceptive she is not. She has an uncanny ability to ferret out gossip and make correct assumptions that we can ill afford to submit ourselves to."

Elizabeth looked at Darcy who sighed and averted his eyes.

"Kitty is the more prudent choice if we are to give in to his demands. She is kind at heart but insecure and her health has always been fragile. I wonder how she will cope on the journey hither at this time of year. Cold and dampness seem to disagree with her lungs but I guess Georgiana would benefit with another female companion when I enter my confinement.

They are of similar age and I doubt Kitty would corrupt your sister as Lydia might do. Kitty has always been a follower and Georgiana might redeem her self-esteem by having someone looking up to her for guidance and advice."

Darcy was astounded by Elizabeth's reasoning that he really could not fault. Despite his instantaneous revulsion to the thought, he opted not to voice it, nor any of the uncharitable remarks he could have made on behalf of Mr Bennet.

"I will let you decide in this matter Elizabeth. You know my sister well and certainly know your sisters better than I. I will, however, insist that you order some new mourning clothes. I suggest both bombazines and velvet for your dresses, the winters can be very harsh in Derbyshire. I suppose you need gloves, bonnets and perhaps veils as well?"

"Yes, why I thank you. I shall inform Mrs Reynolds and have her put up the wreath on the door. Will you inform our guests? I do not feel up to meeting anyone at the moment. I know they are supposed to stay until tomorrow but."

Elizabeth left the insinuation hanging in the air. Darcy nodded his assent and Elizabeth left for her chambers. Holding her countenance until she was safely behind closed doors.

There, she wept bitter tears for her mother, for the loss of not being able to say goodbye, not attending her before her burial and the nonchalant ways of her father. She had thought she had time to question her mother on childbirth, to tell her that she was expecting. It had escaped her mind entirely to inform her mother with all the havoc that had entered her life after her aunt had confirmed her suspicions.

What was going on in the drawing-room in Pemberley she opted not to think of, too much.

All cried out, she did ponder the fate of her remaining sisters. Mary, who did not want to receive any letters from her, unwilling to chance to aggravate her husband and his patroness.

Now that their mother no longer could serve as an intermediary, their relationship seemed at an insurmountable impasse. Lydia was too dangerous to admit, it left only Kitty as a possibility and they had never been close.

Her father? She could not stomach him either... Sending for Kitty might at least put off any visits from him. Georgiana really needed more companionship of her own age. The babe would take up much of her time when it was born and if she did not survive, Georgiana and Kitty would find comfort in each other.

The thought of her own mortality made little impact on Elizabeth. She considered herself with as good a chance as any, to bear the trials of childbirth with success.

If not, not many would mourn her passing with any depth of feeling. It gave her a strange sense of comfort, having little to worry about. She did, however, highly anticipate to welcome her unborn child into the world. The sense of purpose added by the responsibility of nursing a child was very welcome indeed. Having always wanted children of her own but never really dared to believe it would come to pass, had made her put her faith in her older sister.

In the drawing-room, Darcy was informing their guests of the sorrowful news. After expressing his condolences, Bingley offered to depart that very afternoon.

Considering his horses, well enough rested for a shorter journey to the nearest south-facing inn.

A cacophony of voices erupted after the significant detail of direction was stated. Calmly, Bingley explained that the engagement was broken, therefore there was no longer any need for the journey north.

The silence that followed lasted a few seconds before Miss Bingley and Mrs Barnstable hurled accusations in his direction but he heard only a few before accepting Darcy's offer of refuge in his study, while their luggage was being packed and the carriage was readied.

"It will be a very uncomfortable journey home Bingley. London will be no better after the news of your ended betrothal erupts. You are welcome to stay at Pemberley and let Hurst escort the ladies."

"Thank you, Darcy, but no. I have made this mess and I will see it through. My reputation will be in tatters but time and other scandals will mend some of the damage, I hope.

Besides, I believe you have enough troubles at your doorstep to contemplate entertain a guest. I do not know Mrs Darcy all that well but the little I know, she seems like only a shell of what she was in Hertfordshire, numb..."


	15. Chapter 15

**14 When The Party's Over **(Billie Eilish)

Darcy went to inform his wife on their guests' departure but the sobbing from within staid him. The loss of a mother, he knew all too well. Not being allowed to say goodbye must be devastating, not to forget his own additions to her sorrows.

Fitzwilliam Darcy was not a coward, he entered his wife's chamber, pulled a chair to the side of the bed and held his wife's hand while she wept. Stroking her knuckles while occasionally brushing wayward strands of her hair from her face.

A slight tug on his hand was sufficient encouragement to lay down beside her and gather Elizabeth to his chest. Raining soft kisses on her hair while his large hands stroked reverently up and down her back until she fell asleep. Exhausted and all cried out.

Elizabeth awoke the next morning to an empty bed and an empty heart. Her head throbbed fiercely from her copious crying the previous evening.

Elizabeth rarely cried or at least, she did not use to... Crying felt like succumbing to utter despair and not one ounce of refreshing. To Elizabeth, it meant hitting rock bottom.

Lacking both a sister and a mother, holding on to the ones she had left became much more significant. Kitty would be welcomed by her earliest convenience. Kitty was almost as sweet as Jane but much less self-assured.

Struggling to find her place in the Longbourn brood of girls, without the title most beautiful, liveliest, most intellectual nor most accomplished.

Elizabeth rose sluggishly from her bed a rang for Linney. After dressing for the day, a letter to Longbourn was the first order of the day.

The second was to send out a few polite declines on previous engagements that would not be fit for a lady in mourning of her mother.

The third was to see to the wreath on the door and her mourning apparel. Surely she could find one that she could squeeze into without splitting the seams. Her father did not enter the fray of thoughts as she was too vexed to give him any consideration. She hoped that Lydia would get an invitation to visit Mary, though she could do little to promote it. She decided to add an inquiry to Kitty's letter and a suggestion for her to raise the subject with the ones involved.

Unfortunately, completing her tasks, left time for introspection on other topics. Like strangling her husband, the very one that she had pulled into her bed and cuddled up close to but had left her, sometime during the night. What a conundrum her husband was. Solicitous but distant, dutiful but depraved.

She could lie and say she liked it like this. That no love was lost between the two souls that had been forced to marry by no fault of their own.

Which were not entirely true, Darcy could have walked away, relatively unscathed but she could not have. Her reputation and with that, her sisters would not have passed the test and they would have been shunned by all polite society.

Elizabeth had thought she had it all figured out. That Darcy must have cared for her, perhaps in the deepest recesses of his soul but none the less... Whatever his motives were, they could not have withstood the test of time nor temptation.

Kitty arrived in time for the Christmas celebrations and Elizabeth was thankful for the additional set of hands in the Christmas preparations. Shy, without her vivacious second half, who was currently residing in Kent, it had been an awkward introduction to the equally shy Georgiana.

Time had brought both girls out of their shells and a life long friendship was formed between the two that were left much to their own devices. Elizabeth was easily tired and rested more and more frequently throughout the day and her husband kept diligently at her side. A fainting couch had been brought to the study for Elizabeth's comfort and was her preferred resting place. Not contemplating the need for keeping close to her husband. She had grown used to his nearness.

Christmas was spent with only the nearest family, even the Matlocks had opted to celebrate at their own estate. No one had heard from Mr Bennet which came as no surprise to his daughters.

They supposed he was relishing his newfound quietude and not wanting company. The sisters could not have been more wrong as few days after twelfth night, a rare letter from their father arrived with the astonishing news that he had married Charlotte Lucas, not two months after burying their mother had passed. If it was the shock of this revelation or the natural course of events, is difficult to establish, but Elizabeth's pains were unmistakable by evening.


	16. Chapter 16

**15 Stay with me **(Jarle Bernhoft)

Darcy was pacing, up and down the hallway, dragging his hand through his hair, when Mrs Reynolds snuck quietly out the door. He could hear Elizabeth faint pleas.

"I cannot do it!"

"You do not have much choice at this point, my dear," was the frank answer he heard before the door closed. Mrs Reynolds pulled him a few steps away from the door he so desperately wanted and feared, to enter.

"Master Fitzwilliam."

'Oh no. This could not be good news...' Darcy braced himself from what was to come.

"She is getting very tired Fitzwilliam. I think she needs you."

"Of course, tell me what she needs and it will be done in an instant." Mrs Reynolds eyed him warily.

"She is exhausted and she needs to bear down to push the babe out but she does not seem to have much strength left. She has been going on for 32 hours now, it is in its final steps but..."

"What can I do?"

"We have tried to put some pillows behind her back but they do not hold her up. We need you to sit behind her and hold her torso up so she does not have to support herself. It is the only thing we haven't tried..."

Mrs Reynolds was talking to Mr Darcy's back as he strode purposely into mistresses chambers.

Elizabeth was on her back in the bed, drenched in sweat with her eyes closed.

"The next one will be it, Mrs Darcy," Mrs Crenshaw encouraged.

Darcy lifted his listless wife and straddled behind her, his arms around her waist. Tucked a sweaty strand behind her ear and whispered softly while he let his hands rest on his unborn babe.

"You can Elizabeth, you are the strongest person I have ever met..."

He could feel the tautness of her stomach intensify and Elizabeth let out a deep-throated growl as she bore down but straightened almost as quickly.

"I cannot, it hurts too much. It feels like my hips are being torn apart."

"The pain will stop as soon as the babe is out Mrs Darcy. If you do not push, it will never stop. Here is another one coming..."

If it was the thought of never-ending pain or the aid of her husband that squeezed the last ounce of force, out of Elizabeth, will never be known but a head of dark hair could be seen from the right angle.

"One more and it will be over Mrs Darcy, you are doing well. I can see dark, curly hair. It will be a looker, no matter what sex."

A final effort and the babe was in Mrs Crenshaw's capable hands. A worried look was exchanged between Mrs Crenshaw and Mrs Reynolds, the cord was tied off and cut in a hurry.

The dark blue, bordering on black babe was handed quickly over to Mrs Reynolds who instantly started to rub the babe with a towel while simultaneously inserting a finger into the babe's mouth as digging for something.

The litany of 'thank God' that had erupted from Elizabeth the moment the babe was out, changed in to 'Lord have mercy' and 'please do not take my babe'.

Darcy was certain that the babe was stillborn when he saw that the colour took on a reddish hue and then turned pink. A meek meow could be heard from the towel and the most adorable pout Darcy had ever seen could be spotted as Mrs Reynolds removed a corner of the towel from the face.

"So sorry for the rough handling wee one. Oh my! What an adorable face, that pout will sway your father in any direction you want. Let's get you washed off and presentable to your mother and father. They have been quite eager to meet you."

Elizabeth was hiding her face in her hands but Darcy was under the distinct impression that she was crying. He kissed the top of her head and rubbed her arms with his hands.

"Thank you Elizabeth, there are no words..."

And for a brief moment, he could feel her relaxing into his chest. It brought forward a jumble of pain and pleasure he could not understand. It ended soon though, as the pain was escalating again.

"Why is she in pain? You said it would stop when the babe was out."

Darcy directed his most fearsome scowl at Mrs Crenshaw.

"It is time for you to leave Mr Darcy. Do not worry, this pain will be a mere trifle compared to the birth of your child. Out!"

Darcy was out the door before any protests could be made and once again found himself pacing the hallway. A few profanities escaping his lips.

It could not have been much more than fifteen minutes but it felt like an eternity before he was allowed back in.

Elizabeth was laying on her side with the babe at her breast. The scene made Darcy blink furiously. The temptation proved too much though and he crawled into the bed, positioned himself behind Elizabeth's back and peered over her shoulder at the suckling babe.

Eyes closed, the jaws were working in a steady rhythm, tiny pink toes were protruding from the blanket, curling and unfurling in sync with the suckling. Darcy had never witnessed such utter bliss in his life. A little heaven on earth, he thought. The suckling rhythm slowed and the jaws relaxed as the babe let go of the mother. Elizabeth covered herself and yawned.

"Are you well, Elizabeth?"

"Yes, just tired. So very tired..."

"Sleep, I will look after our child."

"Where are you..." Elizabeth tried to sit up but Darcy stalled her movement.

"Shush, we will sit over there, in the rocker. We will not leave you..."

Gathering the babe and securing the blanket, Darcy settled in the rocker with the babe in his arms, big hands cradling the head, the feet at his chest, looking into his child's face with wonder. The bottom lip started to quiver and dark blue eyes studied him intently. Darcy fretted over what to do to quiet the child as not to awake the now sleeping mother. In a low, vibrating voice, he started to tell his child a story.

"I will tell you a story... Listen carefully precious one, because it will never be repeated..."

"Once upon a time there was a man, the man was an imbecile that could not see what was good in the world, even when it hit him in the head.

In a country assembly, I encountered a lady. She was not the most beautiful girl I have ever beheld but she was very pretty with the most intriguing eyes.

My own mother had chosen the most handsome gentleman of her acquaintance but as she told me... Beauty fades while stupid lasts for all eternity. It stuck in my mind and I was never drawn to a mere beautiful face, no it has always been intellect that draws me in...

She was compassionate and kind-hearted, witty with a superior intellect and nothing could intimidate her. When she sang, I grew weak in the knees and I was utterly spellbound. She had the strangest trait though, that I have never encountered in any other human being.

She sparkles, not just her eyes, although they do occasionally twinkle or shoot daggers, it depends if you are in her good graces or not. No, it is her entire being that sparkles. It draws you to her like a moth to a flame but instead of burning in a flame, you feel at ease. I rarely feel at ease in the company of anyone, not even my family. It was a novelty that I did not know how to appreciate until it was gone.

You might think your papa would woo and flatter this ethereal creature but you would be wrong...

Your father thought it best to insult and belittle as the lady had this unsettling effect on his sensibilities that he could not understand. He thought it would be best to avoid what he did not know.

I told you he was an imbecile...

Anyhow, the opportunity to win the lady's hand was suddenly before him and he grasped it with both hands, although the lady did not want to be caught.

I was angry when I discovered she did not want me. I who had been haunted by every lady I was unfortunate enough to be introduced to, who had managed my own estate for years and had wealth and connections most could just dream about.

How could that not be an incentive?

I was hurt on behalf of my ancestors that had built the empire that Pemberley is today. Thinking I had been a victim in a scheme to entrap me in its spell, when in fact, I was the perpetrator.

Listening to some very bad advice from a very unreliable source was another capital offence. Be very careful about whom you trust sweetheart, there are some that may not have your best interest at heart.

I am counting on your adorable countenance to bring vivacity back to our most precious relation, wee one. Your papa is clueless of what could be done but you have magic powers. So easy to love and cherish, just like your mama. Who could resist the urge to blow raspberries on your teeny-tiny little toes or not fall violently in love with that charming pout? Do not cry Miss Darcy, your mother needs her rest. It will not serve us well to exhaust your mama further.

Between us, we have worn her out. Which you are blameless of course but I, unfortunately, am guilty as charged.

No, no, no, do not cry. Let us see if papa can rock you a bit? No, that was no fun...

Let us see if you want to sleep then."

Darcy rose from the chair and tucked his baby girl under his chin, kissing her curls softly while humming with his deep baritone voice. She squirmed against his coat.

"Right, wool makes me itch too. Let us see if I can shed the offending garment without Grey's aid. Wonder if my vanity has gone too far with these tight-fitting coats, I cannot even undress myself without aid..."

Darcy's struggle with his coat was not made easier by the fact that one arm was occupied by his daughter. After a few minutes of pulling and wiggling he met with success and the waistcoat soon joined the coat on the floor.

"No? You do not like linen either? You leave me no option but to scandalize the servants with the nerve to enter..."

Darcy took off his cravat and unbuttoned his shirt. Tucking his babe back under his chin, against the bare skin at his neck. The babe instantly settled and Darcy resumed his seat in the chair, rocking gently back and forth while humming softly. A slender pair of arms snuck around his neck and a soft cheek rested against his.

"Elizabeth, you should not be out of bed!"

"Why ever not?"

"My mother stayed in bed for a month after Georgiana was born. Surely Mrs Crenshaw mentioned it to you."

"She might have but my memory only allows me to remember what gives me pleasure and bed-rest is not one of those things. Besides, I feel very well. Energetic even..."

Darcy stood up from the chair and faced his wife.

The picture of her husband with their infant tucked under his chin. Rumpled clothing and the shadow of stubbles on his cheek, melted Elizabeth's heart. Her eyes bore into his and searched the deepest abyss of his soul. Darcy met her gaze, bared and naked.

"Forgive me, Elizabeth! I know I do not deserve it but I ask it of you regardless. These past months with this distance between us, even though we were in the same room. I cannot bear it. I love you with my heart, my body and every ounce of my soul. Give me a lifetime to prove it..."

"_Let me not to the marriage of the true minds_

_Admit impediments. Love is not love_

_Which alters when it alteration finds,_

_Or bend with the remover to remove._

_O no! It is an ever fixed mark_

_That looks on tempests and is never shaken;_

_It is the star to every wand'ring bark,_

_Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks_

_Within his bending sickle's compass come;_

_Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,_

_But bears it out even to the edge of doom._

_If this be error and upon me prov'd,_

_I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd._

(William Shakespeare, sonnet 116)

I have borrowed the Bard's words but it conceded with the vows I gave you, for better and for worse Mr Darcy. Let's aim for some better as our worst is excruciatingly painful."

"You love me?"

"I do! No matter how little you deserve it."

Elizabeth gave Darcy a lopsided smirk to take the edge of her remark.

"It feels like our souls are intertwined and no matter how hard I pull away, it forces me back to you. One of life's ironies, I suppose."

"No, not irony Elizabeth. Our greatest strength, unbreakable and divine."

Elizabeth removed the babe from Darcy's arms and put her in the crib that had previously been brought to her chamber. The Darcys crawled under the covers, Elizabeth back against Darcy's chest while he held her tight.

"You broke my heart..."

"I know..."

**"

While Darcy fell into a peaceful slumber, Elizabeth lay awake, well into the night. The choice she had, clearly before her, although her chosen route might be fixed.

'The look of loving adoration that Mr Darcy bestowed on his daughter had not escaped her, nor the equally affectionate look he had bestowed upon herself. He loved her. Pure and simple. He had loved her for a long time, albeit not consciously, or so she conjectured. He had taken an insupportable long time to make the connection and a lot of water had passed under the bridge in the meantime. Could she forgive his transgressions? Did she even want to?' A deep sigh escaped her lips and her eyes flew to Darcy's face to see if the sound had disturbed his sleep. It had not. Soft snoring evaporated from his lips and his countenance was in total relaxation.

'What a handsome face it was... Strong chin and cheekbones, dark lashes with full brows that did not have the usual crease in between as when he was awake. Soft lips that could give the barest of touch or a scorching attack and everything in between. Whiskers were forming on his chin and upper lip, giving him a dishevelled look combined with youthfulness and not a little attractiveness to his appearance.'

'What would happen if she were to revert back to treat him with cold indifference? Would he eventually give up his solicitous behaviour towards herself and stow her away on one of his smaller holdings in the back and beyond? Or might he let her stay at Pemberley, bringing his paramours to his bed, overlooking her existence completely? She new the sordid tale of the Duchess of Devonshire... Never would she succumb to such mortifying living arrangements. The back and beyond suddenly had _some_ appeal.

Leaving her daughter behind, struck her like a punch in the gut. The duchess's life choices made more sense with those circumstances taken into consideration. The highest of society in general, seemed to care little for fidelity. Especially for the gentlemen that more often than not, had an established mistress in the better part of town.

Well, at least those who could afford it. It was almost like it was a sign of wealth rather than a weakness of the flesh and those who could not afford a mistress, hailed frequently to Harcourt House, when in London. Elizabeth had read about gentlemen that brought their mistresses to the theatre and opera, instead of their wives. How appalling!'

'But what would happen if she opened her heart to the exasperating man again? Would he grow tired of her, when he no longer needed to chaise her? The revelation that she wanted his love, lay underlined in her reflections, loathe as she was to admit it, even to herself.

It was too late, of course, she loved him. She had even admitted it to him in person. There was no comfort in looking back nor any certainty in looking forward.

The question was no longer a question, but a fact. She would forgive and ultimately forget, as much as her conscious mind would allow. She owed it to her daughter, to Jane and to herself, to try to make the best of what she had. She loved her husband, there was no sense in it but neither was it disputable. It just was, without reference to sense, reason or past experiences. It could have been worse she reckoned, she could have been dead like Jane... With no daughter to love nor a seemingly affectionate husband, however short-lived his sentiments might prove to be...

She decided that she had thought long and hard enough. From this moment she would think of it no more, it served no purpose.'

A month later and the evening of Elizabeth's church christening. Darcy impulsively leads his wife back to the Pemberley chapel. Still adorned in the evergreen that the cold season would yield to a joyous celebration. A few, rare roses from the hothouse had found its way to the alter and Elizabeth stood spellbound on the threshold. Wondering yet again, what her husband could be up to this time. Her declaration of love, on the day of her daughters birth, had set the dormant romantic sensibilities of her husband to life. She had been showered with little gifts and he had been so solicitous to her every need, she thought the queen might be envious... This display, she did not comprehend the meaning of it. Darkness had fallen but the chapel was filled with the light from a thousand candles. They illuminated the altar and the aisle but left the pews and benches in a magical twilight.

"What is this, Darcy?"

"It is our wedding day..." Elizabeth sent Darcy an incredulous look.

"I believe that was several month's ago Fitzwilliam... Besides, I rather doubt that reverent Pederson will be much pleased with the Darcy's hijacking the Lord's house for nefarious purposes." Smirking wickedly at her husband's foibles.

"I rather doubt he would mind very much, us renewing our vows when they are deeply felt as opposed to the pronounced falsities we uttered in the Longbourn chapel... Besides, it is my chapel. Yes, I built it! I might as well put it to good use."

"Your arrogance has not quite left you, I would say but as it is to my benefit, I am prepared to overlook it... In this instance," she added with a sly grin.

Darcy sank to his knees as he grabbed Elizabeth hands in both of his. Looking into her eyes with raw vulnerability.

"Will you marry me?"

"Get up you silly man!"

These kind of show of emotions that Darcy did so elegantly, were equally embarrassing as they were pleasant to Elizabeth. She tugged on his hands but he did not relent. As a compromise, she levelled herself down to him and kissed him in a chaste, swift touch of the lips before answering his question.

"Yes, I will marry you. Again!"

Darcy rose to his feet and pulled Elizabeth with him to the altar where he produced a new ring that she had never laid her eyes on.

"This was my mother's," he announced as he let the ruby, cluster ring with a diamond in the centre, play in the candle-light. It fitted well with her deep red, evening dress.

"She never wore it as it was not given to her by my father." He took a deep breath and retreated into silent contemplation while studying the ring intently.

"It was given to her buy the true love of her life... Sir Lewis de Bourgh..."

Elizabeth gasped audibly by this revelation.

"But why... How?"

Words failed her completely at the complicated repercussions this must have had on the Fitzwilliam sisters.

"Lady Catherine knew of course and trapped Sir Lewis into marriage. Mother fell in love with my father, a couple of years later but he never returned her love. I suppose that is why she, on her deathbed, still held Sir Lewis as her true love. That he loved her back... This ring symbolized true and selfless love to my mother. Regardless of circumstances or the fate of the relationship. Love that conquers all and will not diminish, even when it is not nurtured as theirs were certainly not. At least it was not acted upon in any physical form. I want that kind of love with you Elizabeth. Except that our love will be nurtured and acted upon in every physical form you can imagine..."

A wry smile had replaced the sombre countenance of Mr Darcy.

"**I Fitzwilliam Thorne Alexander Darcy** take thee Elizabeth Vivienne Darcy_._ to my wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth."

"**I** _Elizabeth_ Vivienne Darcy take thee Fitzwilliam Thorne Alexander Darcy_._ to my wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth."

Darcy pulled off Elizabeth's glow from her left hand and proceeded to slide the glittering ruby ring onto her fourth finger.

"WITH this Ring I thee wed, with my Body I thee worship, and with all my worldly Goods I thee endow: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen."

As the 'amen' left his lips, Elizabeth grabbed him by the neck and forcefully pulled him down to her waiting lips. Sealing their vows in the most physical manner...

It would be a ritual that would repeat itself for the years to come.

The next year, Elizabeth surprised Darcy with a wedding band of his own and he cried for the third time of their acquaintance. The following year, she had an announcement of the expanding kind to deliver and a few months later the highly sought after heir was born. They named him Thorne after his father.


	17. Chapter 17

**Epilogue **

The Darcy's sat on the swing in the rose garden. Not the original one, mind you. It had been replaced with a sturdier one with a frame and a seat for two, albeit a snug fit.

Holding hands, Fitzwilliam and Elizabeth watched their grandchildren play _jeu de volant _or battledore and shuttlecock as the children called it. A squeal of proportions was heard when Vivienne, Maude's youngest daughter managed six in a row with her cousin Alexandra, Thorne's youngest daughter.

"You never made such brouhaha as a child, Fitzwilliam, I cannot imagine."

"Of course not! I was a mellow child, as was Richard. Never got into trouble once."

The blatant falsehood made Elizabeth chuckle.

"Not according to the late Lady Aubrey, God rest her soul. Unquestionably, it was from her, the general got his storytelling abilities and perhaps, the knack for embellishing..."

"All old wife tales, we were exemplary children Elizabeth. Something to strive towards by the younger generation, I can assure you. Not like the hubbub you and your sisters created at Longbourn."

"Really Mr Darcy! You must have had exceptionally good hearing back then if you heard all the way to Derbyshire from Hertfordshire..."

"I was occasionally in London in my youth..."

Which earned him a peal of heartfelt laughter from his wife.

"Speaking of exceptional, is not Vivienne an uncommonly beautiful child. Her dark colours and big brown eyes render her almost ethereal. Such a shame they named her after her crimped, old grandmamma. They should rather have named her for the queen, Victoria would have suited her more, wouldn't you say?"

"It is highly unlikely for a sibling from our ruckus brood to name a child after a sibling and a younger one at that."

"Your faculties must be leaving you, Mr Darcy, Thorne named his youngest daughter after a younger brother, after all."

"Balderdash, he named a girl after him. That is practically an insult... And as for crimped, who is crimped? I am 8 years your senior! If you are crimped, I must be a fossil in comparison. You are as beautiful as the first time I beheld you. Your beautiful, dark brown eyes, dancing in amusement after receiving the worst kind of insult from the most thick-headed man alive..."

"Thank you, my treasure. It was a long time in coming but I guess thirty-odd years are nothing for a Darcy to admit to wrongdoing."

"Why! What could you possibly get out of my praising your beauty?"

"You just admitted, circumstantially that you knew that I would overhear your insult at the Meryton assembly ."

"I did no such thing! I have been told, rather frequently and to the entertainment of all and sundry, of the fact that you eavesdropped on a private conversation. A ridiculous conversation, full of falsehoods but a private one...

I botched it up again, didn't I? Oh bother..."

"Papa! Mama! Grandpa is kissing grandma again! Should we cover our eyes as usual?"

**The end...**


End file.
